Good News, Bad News

[Sableagle]

Bad news: the sea monsters *like* you.

[Neil_Boekend]

Good news: The sea monsters are very sexy

[Queen Arasene]

Bad news: the government does not take kindly to all the beach-goers being eaten by sea monsters.

[heuristically_alone]

Good News: Nobody cares what the government says.

[Neil_Boekend]

Bad news: that includes ignoring the laws against murder, theft and arson.

[Queen Arasene]

Good news: They do care about the unwritten rules prohibiting those.

[heuristically_alone]

Bad news: you get a call saying you will be killed tomorrow

[thunk]

Good news: The callers never follow up on their threats.

[Queen Arasene]

Bad news: someone else does, and now you're dead! Again.

[Sableagle]

Good news: Louis lets you out of the next janitor's closet he finds, and you're right back to being just fine ... plus you have an Uzi and a Colt 1911 now.

[flicky1991]

Bad news: you're bad with guns.

[Queen Arasene]

Good news: You don't need to be good with guns if your gun has a wide enough area of effect.

[flicky1991]

Bad news: there are innocent people around.

[bug sniper]

Good news: the innocent people are all wearing bulletproof vests and helmets so you won't kill them if you make a mistake.

[flicky1991]

Bad news: so are the ones you want to shoot.

[Sableagle]

Good news: Bonnie Parker is with you and is good at this ____!

[Lazar]

Bad news: Tank!

[Sableagle]

Good news: He spawned inside the end-of-level safe room, the door was shut and he died of sheer Not Being Able To Be Near You.

[Queen Arasene]

Bad news: You died of the reverse of this.

[Sableagle]

Good news: Louis lets you out of the next janitor's closet he finds, and you're right back to being just fine ... plus you have an Uzi and a Colt 1911 now, and this time the tank's already dead.

[Queen Arasene]

Bad news: Your Uzi and Colt 1911 don't work.

[Neil_Boekend]

Good news: your AK47 does.

[matt96]

Bad News: More accurately it did, there now appears to be an obstruction somewhere between where the bullets go in and where they come out.

[Neil_Boekend]

Good news: you can still wield it as a club.

[bug sniper]

Bad News: Your enemies all wield heavier chainguns and rocket launchers, which they are using as clubs to attack you.

[matt96]

Good News: Your enemies are not strong enough to effectively wield their heavier weapons.

[Queen Arasene]

Bad news: They don't need to be effective with them to seriously hurt you.

[Echo244]

Good news: They just got slimed by a Boomer. You're free to run for it, and make it to the rescue vehicle with the rest of your group.

[Neil_Boekend]

Bad news: you got bile in your eyes too.

[Sableagle]

Good news: another member of the team has done enough SG trips to get you to the vehicle without you being able to see.

[heuristically_alone]

Bad News: you accidentally knocked that member out while you were blind

[Neil_Boekend]

Good news: the bile is wearing off.

[eran_rathan]

bad news: the smell isn't.

[Queen Arasene]

Good news: the smell isn't actually very bad. It's attracting the ladies!

[Neil_Boekend]

Bad news: you're gay and it's repelling the men.

[SDK]

Good news: There's a shower right over there.

[Neil_Boekend]

Bad news: The stuff doesn't come off.

[Queen Arasene]

Good news: With your clothes off, the gay men seem more interested again.

[Neil_Boekend]

Bad news: The shower starts to spray fluoric acid instead of water.

[eran_rathan]

Good news: you're all about that base. And by all about, I mean you're covered in lithium diisopropylamide.