Good News, Bad News

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:08 pm UTC

Bad news: As a toilet cleaner.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:15 pm UTC

Good news: the pee problem has been fixed, and the economy bounced back, so no more toilet cleaning.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:27 pm UTC

Bad news: One of the side-effects of the economy bouncing back is a burst of growth in the baked-beans market. It is decided that toilet cleaners such as yourself are still needed.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:28 pm UTC

good news: this in no way obligates you to keep your job, however.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Tue Apr 29, 2014 11:06 pm UTC

Bad news: nobody else wants the job so if you leave the whole town will hate you.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Queen Arasene
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Queen Arasene » Wed Apr 30, 2014 8:32 am UTC

Good news: There are other cities around where you can get better jobs.
It's Magic. I ain't gonna explain shit.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:03 pm UTC

Bad news: Everyone in your town won't let you leave now.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:06 pm UTC

Good news: You have a hot air balloon that will allow you to escape.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Thu May 01, 2014 3:52 pm UTC

Bad news: you lift off before dorothy is able to join you.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Sat May 03, 2014 6:12 am UTC

Good news: You didn't want Dorothy anyway.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 05, 2014 3:58 pm UTC

Bad news: she has a surface-to-air missile launcher, and she looks PISSED.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Mon May 05, 2014 4:10 pm UTC

Good news: You have a missile shield.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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WarDaft
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby WarDaft » Mon May 05, 2014 5:18 pm UTC

Bad news: It is literally a tower shield made out of live missiles.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 05, 2014 9:09 pm UTC

Good news: this means you have some missiles to lob back at her.
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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Mon May 05, 2014 9:32 pm UTC

Bad news: the missiles are too heavy for you to throw.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Queen Arasene
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Queen Arasene » Tue May 06, 2014 9:13 am UTC

Good news: You're in the air, so you just need to drop them!
It's Magic. I ain't gonna explain shit.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Tue May 06, 2014 3:06 pm UTC

Bad news: While thinking about what to do, your air-faring vessel has been struck by a missile!
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WarDaft
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby WarDaft » Tue May 06, 2014 6:44 pm UTC

Good news: This happens to you a lot, so you know just what to do next!
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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faubiguy
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby faubiguy » Thu May 08, 2014 4:42 am UTC

Bad News: You jump out of the balloon as you had done before, but this time no flying unicorn appears to catch your fall.

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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Thu May 08, 2014 7:08 am UTC

Good News: You can stomp on the missiles and use Newton's third law to propel yourself to a safe location, while accruing a large number of points in the process.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu May 08, 2014 7:59 am UTC

Bad news, the missiles explode the instant you stomp on them. It hurts.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Thu May 08, 2014 9:42 am UTC

Good news: You are propelled away quickly, so it doesn't hurt for long. Much like tapping a red-hot poker.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Neil_Boekend » Thu May 08, 2014 9:52 am UTC

Bad news: Not all parts of you are propelled in the same direction.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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WarDaft
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby WarDaft » Thu May 08, 2014 9:56 am UTC

Good news: You weren't terribly fond of those parts anyway.
All Shadow priest spells that deal Fire damage now appear green.
Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Fri May 09, 2014 8:28 am UTC

Bad news: They were necessary for your survival.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Neil_Boekend
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri May 09, 2014 9:49 am UTC

Good news: Death is only the beginning.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

patzer's signature wrote:
flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

he/him/his

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Fri May 09, 2014 4:09 pm UTC

Bad news: It's the beginning of an indefinitely long stay in a cryopreservation chamber.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Queen Arasene
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Queen Arasene » Sat May 10, 2014 8:37 pm UTC

Good news: You always wanted to be in one of those anyway!
It's Magic. I ain't gonna explain shit.

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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Wed May 14, 2014 7:35 pm UTC

Bad News: In the future when suspended animation is over, somehow, humanity is enslaved under the descendants of Randall Munroe, the founder of xkcd.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Wed May 14, 2014 9:03 pm UTC

Good news: You use your knowledge of obscure xkcd references to escape the enslavement.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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Queen Arasene
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Queen Arasene » Thu May 15, 2014 11:57 am UTC

Bad news: The rest of humanity is still being enslaved.
It's Magic. I ain't gonna explain shit.

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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Thu May 15, 2014 8:18 pm UTC

Good News: You get to control some of these humans.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Mon May 19, 2014 10:34 pm UTC

Bad news: randall wants to have you made an example of, for challenging his power. (he was cryopreserved as well)
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jazzman616
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby jazzman616 » Sat May 24, 2014 6:48 pm UTC

Good news: Randall appreciates your bravery, so the example to be made of you is positive.
Who put the glad in gladiator?

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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Wed May 28, 2014 9:00 am UTC

Bad News: This means you are stripped of your electrons while Randall places you in his electrical torture chamber.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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patzer
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby patzer » Wed May 28, 2014 9:56 am UTC

Good news: "torture chamber" is a misnomer. It mostly tickles.
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. –Douglas Adams

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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Wed May 28, 2014 3:27 pm UTC

Bad News: That tickling feeling is your brain being scanned for rebellious thoughts.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Tomlidich the second
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri May 30, 2014 5:06 pm UTC

Good news: through mental focus, you are able to hide all rebellious thoughts from the machine.
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bug sniper
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby bug sniper » Fri May 30, 2014 6:20 pm UTC

Bad News: It picks up some of the embarrassing pornography you were looking at.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Yablo
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Re: Good News, Bad News

Postby Yablo » Fri May 30, 2014 6:55 pm UTC

Good news: It's only embarrassing because it's robot porn. The machine gives you a clean Bill of Thought in exchange for copies of your robot porn thoughts.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.


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