General Moderators - A War Hero

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

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Okita
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General Moderators - A War Hero

Postby Okita » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:54 pm UTC

In the index or in any section in the fora, you'll notice that the Moderators fall under General Moderators (As opposed to saying Belial, RG, so on and so forth). I suppose it's because all the moderators collectively moderate everything (for teh funny).

'Cept in my head I starting thinking that it could also be a general known as General Moderators. And then I started giving him a description:

General Gene Moderators is a 5 star general within XKCDia. He is the leading officer of the armed forces, ever vigilant against the zombie and robot threat on the borders. His personal weapon of choice is the hammer, specifically the Ban Hammer uniquely crafted, rumored to be imbued with mystical properties by the reclusive and possibly mythic Admin. It is said that the Ban Hammer glows red in the presence of grammatical mistakes and that the hue comes from the blood of the wielder's enemies. It is even written that the wielder of the hammer may rewrite parts of reality, changing the nature of the wielder's enemy's weapons or armor.

General Moderators has never been beaten in direct combat whether in one on one sparring. He has only "lost" in the sense that attackers attempt to use hit and run tactics or tarnish his honour and reputation. And even afterwards, General Moderators rises up, time (and judicious threats) removing the blemishes his enemies have attempted to inflict, in order to lead XKCDia armies to victory.

Hail General Moderators!
*salute*
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Postby fragsta » Thu Sep 13, 2007 4:56 pm UTC

Great stuff! :D

*salutes General Moderators*

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Postby space_raptor » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:10 pm UTC

General Moderators doesn't do searches on Google. Google does searches ON HIM
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Postby bbctol » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:15 pm UTC

I salute General Moderators, leading the fight against spambots, raptors, Belgium, zombies, and all other manner of perilous beasts that might attack these fora.

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Postby NinjaArcana » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:47 pm UTC

Jolly Good stuff don't you think General Moderators? :shock:

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Postby ifeedlions » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:56 pm UTC

General Moderators reminds me of Maj. Major M. Major from Catch-22. (The M stands for Major.)
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Postby Dark Ragnarok » Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:58 pm UTC

*salute*

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Postby Belial » Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:51 pm UTC

rumored to be imbued with mystical properties by the reclusive and possibly mythic Admin.


I'M MYTHIC!
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They/them

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Postby Alcari » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:03 pm UTC

In other news, XKCD is 3rd if you google for General Moderator
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Postby Forthur » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:25 pm UTC

General Moderators reminds me of the old DOS joke: "Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my harddisk?"

*stands and salutes*
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Postby Cheese » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:28 pm UTC

Is General the highest rank in the army? I don't know the order of most, to be honest, but isn't there one above General?
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Postby Belial » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:39 pm UTC

Just higher and higher generals.
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They/them

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Postby Bakemaster » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:45 pm UTC

One-star general = Brigadier General
Two-star general = Major General
Three-star general = Lieutenant General
Four-star general = General
Five-star general (wartime rank only) = General of the Army
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Postby 22/7 » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:46 pm UTC

Cheese wrote:Is General the highest rank in the army? I don't know the order of most, to be honest, but isn't there one above General?


I think the *technical* highest rank is Commander in Chief. But I doubt you'll ever see him on a battlefield.
Totally not a hypothetical...

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Postby Okita » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:46 pm UTC

Belial wrote:Just higher and higher generals.


Unless you're the Commander-in-Chief in the United States.

Also, I put 5 stars except it's typically only up to 4. Or something.

Edit: Ninja'ed. Yeah, so I guess I was right about the 5 stars thing after all and yeah...Commander-in-Chief.

Maybe I'll start doing a whole government for XKCDia sometime. Or maybe it'll be like a sort of biosphere.
Last edited by Okita on Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:49 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ThorFluff » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:47 pm UTC

*stands in stoic salute*

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Postby Bakemaster » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:50 pm UTC

Okita wrote:Edit: Ninja'ed. Yeah, so I guess I was right about the 5 stars thing after all and yeah...Commander-in-Chief.

No. Although the President is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, that is not a U.S. Army rank, and it is not the same as a 5-star General of the Army. I don't believe we've had a 5-star general since... maybe the Civil War? Have to go to work, no time to look it up.
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Postby Okita » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:51 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:
Okita wrote:Edit: Ninja'ed. Yeah, so I guess I was right about the 5 stars thing after all and yeah...Commander-in-Chief.

No. Although the President is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, that is not a U.S. Army rank, and it is not the same as a 5-star General of the Army. I don't believe we've had a 5-star general since... maybe the Civil War? Have to go to work, no time to look it up.


Guess I was wrong then.
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Postby ArchangelShrike » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:54 pm UTC

There was only 5-Star general, George Washington, and there will only ever be one general for that very reason in America, iirc.

Other than that, CIC is not the same as 5-Star, because the CIC/POTUS commands the Military. CIC/POTUS appoints Generals at that level to serve at his/her discretion, etc.

Isn't TLA fun?

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Postby NinjaArcana » Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:05 pm UTC

Damn acronyms. Just kidding. Wouldn't the Secretary of Defense actually stand higher than the Generals? Or are we only talking about the Millitary Chain of Command and what not.







Wait, I thought were talking about the General Moderators. *stands and salutes*

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Postby gmalivuk » Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:12 pm UTC

ArchangelShrike wrote:There was only 5-Star general, George Washington, and there will only ever be one general for that very reason in America, iirc.

Other than that, CIC is not the same as 5-Star, because the CIC/POTUS commands the Military. CIC/POTUS appoints Generals at that level to serve at his/her discretion, etc.

Isn't TLA fun?


POTUS is actually an FLA, btw.
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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:21 pm UTC

General Moderators devoted his life to protecting the innocent from raptors and zombies ever since a traumatic childhood experience. As a child, a pair of cunning anarchist raptors wired the gas tank of his parent's car with six pounds of C4, and four zombies. The resulting zombie explosion scattered his parents over seventeen square miles of Iowa. He was forced to watch from the family home, where he had been waiting for his parents to come home with his birthday present. He also had to wait an hour for it to stop raining tiny pieces of his parents before he could venture outside, and by them, it was too late.

Even today, anytime he sees a zombie strapped to a gas tank, he begins to sob uncontrollably (although lately he has been known to kill everything in sight while sobbing.)

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Postby ArchangelShrike » Thu Sep 13, 2007 10:22 pm UTC

True, but since there was just a thread on TLA I thought to tack it on for good measure.

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Postby Khonsu » Thu Sep 13, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

ifeedlions wrote:General Moderators reminds me of Maj. Major M. Major from Catch-22. (The M stands for Major.)
This text is coming up a lot lately.

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Postby TheTankengine » Fri Sep 14, 2007 5:22 am UTC

I prefer Moderator General myself.
be centered
be compassionate
be interesting

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Postby pingu » Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:23 am UTC

Grouchy is the scariest of moderators.

Oh no...I have invoked him by mentioning his name!

*wets pants*

Edit: For clarification, by "wets" I meant the (conventionally) "bad" kind.

Further Edit: ...and by "bad", I mean pee. I'm saying that I pissed my pants. This is important.

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Postby damienthebloody » Fri Sep 14, 2007 8:03 am UTC

22/7 wrote:
Cheese wrote:Is General the highest rank in the army? I don't know the order of most, to be honest, but isn't there one above General?


I think the *technical* highest rank is Commander in Chief. But I doubt you'll ever see him on a battlefield.


Commander in chief is not actually a military rank - in the US, at least, the point is that the Commander in Chief is a civilian in charge of the military (viz. the president). Which makes his landing on an aircraft carrier in military garb particularly inappropriate.
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Postby Okita » Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:29 pm UTC

damienthebloody wrote:
22/7 wrote:
Cheese wrote:Is General the highest rank in the army? I don't know the order of most, to be honest, but isn't there one above General?


I think the *technical* highest rank is Commander in Chief. But I doubt you'll ever see him on a battlefield.


Commander in chief is not actually a military rank - in the US, at least, the point is that the Commander in Chief is a civilian in charge of the military (viz. the president). Which makes his landing on an aircraft carrier in military garb particularly inappropriate.


General Moderators would never stand for that. He would require his Chief of State to go through boot camp and then make him parachute solo onto a air craft carrier while being shot at with non-lethal ammunition. If the Chief of State missed, the General would just leave him there for the day before throwing a orpe.

Probably stand there golfing from the aircraft carrier over the sucker's head while the Chief of State tried to swim.
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Postby Hawknc » Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:37 pm UTC

TheTankengine wrote:I prefer Moderator General myself.

The Moderator General wishes to advise that taunting the mods can be bad for your health.

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Postby SecondTalon » Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:51 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:
Okita wrote:Edit: Ninja'ed. Yeah, so I guess I was right about the 5 stars thing after all and yeah...Commander-in-Chief.

No. Although the President is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, that is not a U.S. Army rank, and it is not the same as a 5-star General of the Army. I don't believe we've had a 5-star general since... maybe the Civil War? Have to go to work, no time to look it up.

ArchangelShrike wrote:There was only 5-Star general, George Washington, and there will only ever be one general for that very reason in America, iirc.

Other than that, CIC is not the same as 5-Star, because the CIC/POTUS commands the Military. CIC/POTUS appoints Generals at that level to serve at his/her discretion, etc.

Isn't TLA fun?

The Five Star General position was created during WWII. You can read the Yahoo Answer thing, or read what I write. The position was created because the higher ups (Four Star Generals) found themselves in the Alliance commanding people they outranked. Ergo, there needed to be a higher rank than the 4 Star.

The only 5 Star'ers were General George C. Marshall, General Douglas MacArthur, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, and General Omar N. Bradley.

Only Washington and John J. Pershing have had what could be considered the rank above 5 Star General - General of the Armies of the United States.

Anyway, Five Star Generals are only used during war when an American General would find himself in the position of commanding someone of a higher rank. And the US hasn't used them since WWII.

... is it sad that I thought all of this was pretty common knowledge? Maybe not the names of the only 5 Star Generals we've had, but that it was created in WWII and we haven't used it since?
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Postby Likpok » Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:14 pm UTC

I prefer Moderator General myself.


But General Moderators is also the Moderator General! Is there anything he can't do?
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Postby LoonRadio » Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:33 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
rumored to be imbued with mystical properties by the reclusive and possibly mythic Admin.


I'M MYTHIC!


You are the very model of a Moderator General.
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Hailing taxicabs.

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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:00 pm UTC

I am the very model of a Moderator General,
I've information intertubal, real and ephemeral,
I know the kings of forum, and I quote the flames historical
From General to Serious in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of forumites fantabulous,
In short, in matters intertubal, real and ephemeral,
I am the very model of a Moderator General.

I know our mythic history, Belial's and Randall Munroe's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of hellish Anfurny,
In conics I can floor peculiarities that are furry;
I can tell undoubted Jalapenos from SpitValves and Owijads,
I know the croaking chorus from the frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music on iPod
And whistle all the airs from that infernal book all about God.

Then I can write a washing bill in COBOL or assemb-a-ly,
And tell you ev'ry detail of the Windows flaws security:
In short, in matters intertubal, real and ephemeral,
I am the very model of a Moderator General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "Okita" and then "Meaux Pas",
When I can tell at sight a newbie from a seasoned great-grandpa.
When such affairs as meetups and get-togethers I’m wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gamery,
When I know more of tactics than most World of Warcraft lamery
In short, when I've a smattering of intertubal strategy—
You'll say a better Moderator General has never be.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
In short, in matters intertubal, real and ephemeral,
I am the very model of a Moderator General.
Last edited by Mighty Jalapeno on Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:09 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Okita » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:03 pm UTC

MightyJalapeno, I'm filing a lawsuit against you for an attempt to break my brain with AWESOME.
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Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:05 pm UTC

Okita wrote:MightyJalapeno, I'm filing a lawsuit against you for an attempt to break my brain with AWESOME.

Wasn't that awesome :( Still working on the third verse.

EDIT: Nevermind, third verse added above.

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Postby ArchangelShrike » Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:02 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
Bakemaster wrote:
Okita wrote:Edit: Ninja'ed. Yeah, so I guess I was right about the 5 stars thing after all and yeah...Commander-in-Chief.

No. Although the President is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces, that is not a U.S. Army rank, and it is not the same as a 5-star General of the Army. I don't believe we've had a 5-star general since... maybe the Civil War? Have to go to work, no time to look it up.

ArchangelShrike wrote:There was only 5-Star general, George Washington, and there will only ever be one general for that very reason in America, iirc.

Other than that, CIC is not the same as 5-Star, because the CIC/POTUS commands the Military. CIC/POTUS appoints Generals at that level to serve at his/her discretion, etc.

Isn't TLA fun?

The Five Star General position was created during WWII. You can read the Yahoo Answer thing, or read what I write. The position was created because the higher ups (Four Star Generals) found themselves in the Alliance commanding people they outranked. Ergo, there needed to be a higher rank than the 4 Star.

The only 5 Star'ers were General George C. Marshall, General Douglas MacArthur, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, and General Omar N. Bradley.

Only Washington and John J. Pershing have had what could be considered the rank above 5 Star General - General of the Armies of the United States.

Anyway, Five Star Generals are only used during war when an American General would find himself in the position of commanding someone of a higher rank. And the US hasn't used them since WWII.

... is it sad that I thought all of this was pretty common knowledge? Maybe not the names of the only 5 Star Generals we've had, but that it was created in WWII and we haven't used it since?


Elementary School learning has failed me. Let me go and cry in shame...

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Postby LoonRadio » Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:06 pm UTC

Man, I didn't just get one-upped, I got STOMPED.
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Hailing taxicabs.

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Postby ArchangelShrike » Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:52 pm UTC

With the forum-goers powers combined, I AM GENERAL MODERATOR!!!!

eleventyone

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Postby bbctol » Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:22 am UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:
Okita wrote:MightyJalapeno, I'm filing a lawsuit against you for an attempt to break my brain with AWESOME.

Wasn't that awesome :(


Lies. That is not just awesome. It is not even just awesome AWESOME. It is AWESOME awesome AWESOME.

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Postby Hawknc » Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:40 am UTC

It is, in fact, an awesomeburger pattie covered in awesomesauce and placed on a fresh sesawesome seed bun.

...Hopefully by this point the word "awesome" has lost all meaning to you after seeing it so many times.


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