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In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:00 am UTC
by Hawknc
(This thread is for all the little news articles that might get overlooked in the debates about the big issues and are just worth posting for a bit of a laugh.)

First up: a Queensland woman is offering a reward for catching a wild rat that stole her false teeth.

Spoiler:
An outback Queensland town is offering a reward for a native rat that has stolen a woman's set of false teeth.

Native rat numbers have exploded in parts of western Queensland due to the exceptional wet season.

Stonehenge resident Margaret Pidgeon, south-west of Longreach, says her teeth disappeared from her bedside table and she is certain a rat is to blame.

"When I look up, there's this rat looking at me and I had nothing there to hit him with," she said.

"Anyway, when I went to get my false teeth the next morning, they are not there, they are gone.

"He didn't want my glasses, all he did was take my teeth, the bloody thing.

"He didn't waste his time the bugger, he just wanted my false teeth - probably took them back to his nest to see if he could chew them up.

"Put up a reward, 'wanted dead or alive: rat with false teeth'."

Ms Pidgeon says the reward is light-hearted but it is hard to smile without teeth.

Rat havoc

Other residents say the native rats are chewing their way through everything from walls to hats.

Stonehenge grazier Karen Emmott says she gave up counting after relocating 120 rats.

"They have 12 young every three weeks so there's probably lots more out there," she said.

"They've certainly wreaked havoc in the house.

"They've chewed the nose rest on your glasses, they've chewed those off a pair of glasses, they've eaten the crown off my Akubra hat, which was hanging on a wall.

"They chewed a very large hole into our pantry through a chipboard from underneath the pantry.

"We put a large besser brick to block it and they chewed an archway next to it and just kept coming."

Anyone who's ever kept a pet rat could probably testify to the likelihood of this story being completely true. They are devious little bastards.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:22 am UTC
by Izawwlgood
I like how she woke up in the middle of the night, saw a rat holding her teeth, and said 'meh, nothing I can do' so went back to bed.

But yeah, rats are devious little buggers.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:21 am UTC
by CorruptUser
Maybe it plans to build a human suit that it can use to infiltrate our society?

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:24 am UTC
by Adacore
CorruptUser wrote:Maybe it plans to build a human suit that it can use to infiltrate our society?

Maybe the teeth were the final piece! There could be rat-people walking among us! :shock:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:35 am UTC
by sourmìlk
Yet another reason to have vuvuzelas.

Apparently they spray germ aerosal more effectively than screaming and shouting and such.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:32 am UTC
by Felstaff
Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:40 am UTC
by sourmìlk
Felstaff wrote:Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.


There is nothing about that story that isn't disgusting.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 10:04 am UTC
by the_bandersnatch
sourmìlk wrote:There is nothing about that story that isn't disgusting.



I know what you mean, everytime I even think about New Zealand I feel the nausea rising.

Anyway, have an "awww" story:

Kind-hearted cat adopts baby chicks

... Stupid animals.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:07 pm UTC
by Роберт
sourmìlk wrote:Yet another reason to have vuvuzelas.

Apparently they spray germ aerosal more effectively than screaming and shouting and such.

From the link:
We recommend, as a precautionary measure, that people with respiratory infections should be advised not to blow their vuvuzela in enclosed spaces and where there is a risk of infecting others.

What the heck? I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela in an enclosed space when others are present.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:12 pm UTC
by the_bandersnatch
I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:14 pm UTC
by Роберт
the_bandersnatch wrote:I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela.

I suppose if it's between consenting adults it's okay, but doing it in an enclosed space? Not my taste anyway.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:15 pm UTC
by Роберт
...

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:24 pm UTC
by The Reaper
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13520472
Image
Ligers in china being fed by a dog because the tiger wont raise them anymore.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:04 pm UTC
by big boss
Felstaff wrote:Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.


I was hoping for a picture

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:19 pm UTC
by Gellert1984
Not sure if this shouldnt have its own topic, not sure if it doesnt already...

Flammable tap water, holy fracking hell!

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 9:55 pm UTC
by Angua
Israeli couple names child 'Like' after facebook statuses.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-13417930

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 10:03 pm UTC
by broken_escalator
What happens if you like Like, will he steal your shield or tunic?
Spoiler:
Image

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 8:25 am UTC
by Hawknc
Gellert1984 wrote:Not sure if this shouldnt have its own topic, not sure if it doesnt already...

Flammable tap water, holy fracking hell!

Finally, water that we might actually be able to power our cars with.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 9:41 am UTC
by bentheimmigrant
One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/
Spoiler:
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 9:44 am UTC
by johnny_7713
bentheimmigrant wrote:One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/
Spoiler:
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.


Guess they have really high curbs in Augusta, huh?

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:01 am UTC
by sourmìlk
johnny_7713 wrote:Guess they have really high curbs in Augusta, huh?


With jagged rocks at the bottom.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:08 am UTC
by SlyReaper
Jagged rocks made of fists.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:55 am UTC
by bentheimmigrant
And combat boots.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 11:01 am UTC
by Kulantan
Looks like a combat related accident. Almost as if he fell down a flight of punches.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 11:52 am UTC
by Deep_Thought
I am so happy this thread has been posted. Wanted to post this since Monday but it doesn't really deserve an entire thread to itself:

Obama's armoured car defeated by ... speed bump.

Did this make the news in America? Supposedly the Beast has been airlifted back over the Atlantic because the damage is so expensive. Oops.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 12:29 pm UTC
by zmatt
yeah it did. Freaking Europeans and their obnoxious "sleeping policemen".

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 12:33 pm UTC
by sourmìlk
Kulantan wrote: he fell down a flight of punches.

Somebody needs to make this their signature. Not me, because mine is too busy bragging about how people don't like me.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 1:09 pm UTC
by The Reaper

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 1:50 pm UTC
by Manial
bentheimmigrant wrote:One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/
Spoiler:
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.
Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 2:00 pm UTC
by sourmìlk
Manial wrote:
bentheimmigrant wrote:One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/
Spoiler:
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.
Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.


D'oh! Also I didn't think snopes was that fast.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 2:35 pm UTC
by LaserGuy

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 2:42 pm UTC
by SlyReaper
Funny how a lot of the funny news stories involve animals.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 3:16 pm UTC
by bigglesworth

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 4:13 pm UTC
by Angua
It's old, but I found it under related stories - two gay penguins rearing a chick (and great for anyone to rebuff gay adoption as unnatural).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8096453.stm

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Thu May 26, 2011 4:52 pm UTC
by bentheimmigrant
Manial wrote:
bentheimmigrant wrote:One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/
Spoiler:
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.
Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.
:(
marine story.jpg

At least I wasn't the only one fooled.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 7:57 pm UTC
by SlyReaper

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 8:05 pm UTC
by bentheimmigrant
How does a guy clamp the car while the policemen stand next to it, and nobody stops him?

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 8:07 pm UTC
by broken_escalator
Very sneakily.

Though the article sounds like police vs clamp guy in an ego battle; still it was a good laugh.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 8:17 pm UTC
by bentheimmigrant
Aside from being a generally bad man, Robert Mugabe appears to be excessively protective of his toilet.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 9:17 pm UTC
by Eseell
Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies. This story is SFW, despite any evidence to the contrary.