In other news... (humorous news items)

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Radical_Initiator » Sat May 28, 2011 3:58 pm UTC

Eseell wrote:Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies. This story is SFW, despite any evidence to the contrary.


Yes, that is quite possibly a contender for "least SFW-sounding link text of the week for a story with no NSFW parts". Unless you count mention of herpes. Those horses, though ... really need to learn more about abstinence, IMO.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Gellert1984 » Sun May 29, 2011 2:44 pm UTC

The only time I question the right to Free Speech is when I watch Fox News, probably due to the fact that I don't think they really believe in it. -Elisa Scaldaferri

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:02 pm UTC

M16 hacks Al-Qaeda magazine, replaces bomb instructions with recipes for cupcakes.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... pcake.html
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Dauric » Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:11 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:M16 hacks Al-Qaeda magazine, replaces bomb instructions with recipes for cupcakes.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... pcake.html


It's MI6 (Mike-India-Six), M16 (Mike-One-Six) is a type of assault rifle.

It's kind of disappointing how they did it though, the hack was obvious:
When followers tried to download the 67-page colour magazine, instead of instructions about how to “Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom” by “The AQ Chef” they were greeted with garbled computer code.


I think it would have been far more entertaining to create an article detailing a completely bogus explosive recipe that would result in terrorists filling their pipe-bombs with cupcake batter.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Aikanaro » Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:18 pm UTC

Dauric wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:M16 hacks Al-Qaeda magazine, replaces bomb instructions with recipes for cupcakes.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... pcake.html


It's MI6 (Mike-India-Six), M16 (Mike-One-Six) is a type of assault rifle.

It's kind of disappointing how they did it though, the hack was obvious:
When followers tried to download the 67-page colour magazine, instead of instructions about how to “Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom” by “The AQ Chef” they were greeted with garbled computer code.


I think it would have been far more entertaining to create an article detailing a completely bogus explosive recipe that would result in terrorists filling their pipe-bombs with cupcake batter.

That, or tactically speaking, replace it with instructions that DO create explosives, but ones that will detonate/catch fire in the process of making them, thus preemptively eliminating would-be bombmakers. Only problem is the possibility of collateral damage depending on where they're trying to mix the stuff up.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Radical_Initiator » Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:59 pm UTC

Personally, I'd prefer they trick the terrorists into making cupcake-shaped bombs.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:28 pm UTC

Or just convert terrorists to the many and varied joys of baking cupcakes. Can't blow up the world when you're preoccupied with sweet, miniature-cake satisfaction!
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Radical_Initiator » Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:44 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Or just convert terrorists to the many and varied joys of baking cupcakes. Can't blow up the world when you're preoccupied with sweet, miniature-cake satisfaction!


"Come to Death to America Bakery, at the Forest Hills Shopping Center on Euclid at Superior Road in Cleveland. Our Jihad against prices means more sweet perfection for you and your infidel family! You won't be able to pacify the flavor of our delectables!"


Hmm, I think that may be a little too much stereotyping.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby broken_escalator » Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:48 pm UTC

Easy-bake ovens will win the war on terrorism, just you wait.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby aleflamedyud » Fri Jun 03, 2011 5:53 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:M16 hacks Al-Qaeda magazine, replaces bomb instructions with recipes for cupcakes.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... pcake.html

U mad, mujahedin?
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Fri Jun 03, 2011 5:57 pm UTC

Yeah, I've been to a Black Muslim Bakery. Cupcakes don't negate as many extremism related issues as you'd think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Black_Muslim_Bakery
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Heisenberg » Fri Jun 03, 2011 5:58 pm UTC

broken_escalator wrote:Easy-bake ovens will win the war on terrorism, just you wait.

Is that why we can't have regular light bulbs?

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Technical Ben » Sat Jun 04, 2011 8:47 am UTC

Felstaff wrote:Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.


That reads far too much like a Dwarf Fortress injury report. (Need a being sick smiley.) :(
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Sat Jun 04, 2011 1:08 pm UTC

Hypnotist knocks himself out during show

They couldn't wake him up during it (though he's fine now) - apparently the show has a back up tape and an extra hypnotist in case of emergency as well.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby pseudoidiot » Sat Jun 04, 2011 2:57 pm UTC

You kind of made it sound like he hypnotized himself. I was sad when that wasn't the case.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Chuff » Sun Jun 05, 2011 6:36 am UTC

pseudoidiot wrote:You kind of made it sound like he hypnotized himself. I was sad when that wasn't the case.

This is what I was hoping as well. Like, they had a backup hypnotist to un-hypnotist the regular if he accidentally took himself out.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SummerGlauFan » Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:40 pm UTC

Technical Ben wrote:
Felstaff wrote:Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:
He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.


That reads far too much like a Dwarf Fortress injury report. (Need a being sick smiley.) :(


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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby M.C. » Wed Jun 08, 2011 5:51 am UTC

Nobody likes Milhouse!

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Magnanimous » Wed Jun 08, 2011 7:16 am UTC

I would rant about how meaningless the phrase "visible from space" is, but I'm sleepy.

(Egosearching.)

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Wed Jun 08, 2011 7:36 am UTC

Magnanimous wrote:I would rant about how meaningless the phrase "visible from space" is, but I'm sleepy.

(Egosearching.)

I think the maximum resolution for commercial satellite photographs is about 2m per pixel. So "visible from space" means "bigger than 2 meters".
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Zamfir » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:25 am UTC

Commercial satellites are currently around 0.5 m resolution at best. It's still noticably improving I think, and military resolution might be higher (although, perhaps not, soldiers like to bluff). Altogether, the point where normal penises are under the right angle visible from space is not that far off.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Aikanaro » Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:04 pm UTC

Zamfir wrote:Commercial satellites are currently around 0.5 m resolution at best. It's still noticably improving I think, and military resolution might be higher (although, perhaps not, soldiers like to bluff). Altogether, the point where normal penises are under the right angle visible from space is not that far off.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby broken_escalator » Wed Jun 08, 2011 8:04 pm UTC

Sure, why not.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:07 pm UTC

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Heisenberg » Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:12 pm UTC

Styling themselves as "pirate ninjas", LulzSec posted on Twitter the e-mail it sent to the NHS.
Blasphemy! Everyone knows you can't be Pirate AND Ninja.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Lostdreams » Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:24 pm UTC

Not really a story yet but..

Spoiler:
kfcsodadiabetes.jpg


KFC sells soda for diabetes cure....
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Magnanimous » Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:29 pm UTC


Speaking of LulzSec...

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:52 pm UTC

Lostdreams wrote:Not really a story yet but..

Spoiler:
kfcsodadiabetes.jpg


KFC sells soda for diabetes cure....

Quite logical actually. Cause more people to get diabetes, and the demand for a cure increases. More funding goes into diabetes research, a cure comes along more quickly.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Dauric » Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:03 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:
Lostdreams wrote:Not really a story yet but..

Spoiler:
kfcsodadiabetes.jpg


KFC sells soda for diabetes cure....

Quite logical actually. Cause more people to get diabetes, and the demand for a cure increases. More funding goes into diabetes research, a cure comes along more quickly...


... and the sooner the soda-bottlers can go to selling "Mega Slurp", the 55 gallon soda to-go mugs, without losing customers to health concerns and spending money on pro-health PR campaigns.

(Nope, not cynical at all, not me, never.....)
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:09 am UTC

Crabtree's bludgeon: “no set of mutually inconsistent observations can exist for which some human intellect cannot conceive a coherent explanation, however complicated”
GNU Terry Pratchett

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Hawknc » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:10 am UTC

Lostdreams wrote:Not really a story yet but..

Spoiler:
kfcsodadiabetes.jpg


KFC sells soda for diabetes cure....
Yeah, uh, JDRF raises money for Type 1 diabetes resarch. That's the one that isn't caused by excessive sugar consumption.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Plasma Man » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:58 am UTC

Uh-oh. I'm not very far from Leicester. Time for me to update my zombie survival plan.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Felstaff » Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:00 am UTC

They should send out a fact-finding force to Okeechobee County for advice (*.pdf link)
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:00 am UTC

Angua wrote:Leicester city council not prepared for zombie attack

Tsk tsk is all I have to say.


You beat me to it, I was just about to post that. Good thing I live in Bristol; there are plenty of zombies (a.k.a cider drinkers) already here so we know how to deal with them. Now excuse me while I try and stop this guy gnawing on my arm...
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby johnny_7713 » Thu Jun 16, 2011 10:51 am UTC

Fire brigade called out to rescue sheep stuck on roof

Halfway down that story there's a link to another sheep related tale: Cancer spotting sheep saves woman's life*

*Posting of this link does not imply author's belief in the cancer detection powers of farmyard animals.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby duckshirt » Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:17 pm UTC

This news item could actually have some serious debate on it, but it's still pretty funny and short so I'll post it here:
Portland Draining Reservoir after man urinates in it
$35,000 to prevent people from being (irrationally) grossed out...
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Роберт » Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:50 pm UTC

duckshirt wrote:This news item could actually have some serious debate on it, but it's still pretty funny and short so I'll post it here:
Portland Draining Reservoir after man urinates in it
$35,000 to prevent people from being (irrationally) grossed out...

Umm... wow, someone breached the elaborate security and safety measures and contaminated the water supply! Wait, what's that? There's nothing preventing birds from pooping into the reservoir? How often have they had to drain it because a bird pooped in it?
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby DSenette » Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:32 pm UTC

Роберт wrote:
duckshirt wrote:This news item could actually have some serious debate on it, but it's still pretty funny and short so I'll post it here:
Portland Draining Reservoir after man urinates in it
$35,000 to prevent people from being (irrationally) grossed out...

Umm... wow, someone breached the elaborate security and safety measures and contaminated the water supply! Wait, what's that? There's nothing preventing birds from pooping into the reservoir? How often have they had to drain it because a bird pooped in it?

earlier in the year i installed these cheap ass "gutter guard" clone deals from lowes on the house, keeps the leaves out of the gutters. unlike REAL gutter guards they don't come with end caps. i failed to see the problem with this until some birds took to nesting in the ends of the gutters under the gutter guards.

we've also got rain barrels that get filled from the gutters.

the wife realizes there's a bird nest in the gutter and freaks out because she's been watering herbs with the rain barrel water.


"it's got bird shit in it now!"......as opposed to the bird shit that washed off the roof into the gutters before? or the chemicals leached from the shingles and tarpaper that MAKE the roof? or the bird shit that is shat DIRECTLY onto the herbs to begin with?
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Sat Jun 18, 2011 3:09 pm UTC

Being unsure whether or not this warrants it's own topic (I can't actually believe it's true...), but

Jerusalem rabbis 'condemn dog to death by stoning'
Spoiler:
A Jewish rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a stray dog it feared was the reincarnation of a lawyer who insulted its judges, reports say.

The dog entered the Jerusalem financial court several weeks ago and would not leave, reports Israeli website Ynet.

It reminded a judge of a curse passed on a now deceased secular lawyer about 20 years ago, when judges bid his spirit to enter the body of a dog.

The animal is said to have escaped before the sentence was carried out.

One of the judges at the court in the city's ultra-Orthodox Mea Shearim neighbourhood had reportedly asked local children to carry out the sentence.

An animal welfare organisation filed a complaint with the police against a court official, who denied reports that judges had ordered the dog's stoning, according to Ynet.

But a court manager told Israeli daily Yediot Aharonot the stoning had been ordered as "as an appropriate way to 'get back at' the spirit which entered the poor dog", according to Ynet.

Dogs are considered impure animals in traditional Judaism.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby dedwrekka » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:05 pm UTC

Virtual_Aardvark wrote:Yeah, I've been to a Black Muslim Bakery. Cupcakes don't negate as many extremism related issues as you'd think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Black_Muslim_Bakery


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