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Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:45 pm UTC
by Angua
Dog rescued by oil rig workers 220km from the coast.

How lucky was he that they noticed him!

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:28 pm UTC
by Angua
Double posting for hilarity.

Judge called for jury duty on his own case. Contacted them to tell them he was the judge, got told he'd have to take his reason for not turning up to the 'resident judge', had to phone in to explain he was the resident judge.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-47952295

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:29 pm UTC
by addams
Angua wrote:Double posting for hilarity.

Judge called for jury duty on his own case. Contacted them to tell them he was the judge, got told he'd have to take his reason for not turning up to the 'resident judge', had to phone in to explain he was the resident judge.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-47952295
Yep.
That is worth a second post and a chuckle.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:39 pm UTC
by Soupspoon
"Free as in beeriau!" (Welsh mix up over alcohol.)

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2019 8:23 pm UTC
by jewish_scientist
R.I. tries to crack unsolved murder, missing person cases with playing cards

I got really excited because thought it they were something like this, but actually they are just regular playing cards with the info for cases printed on each one. Still is a nice story.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 8:54 pm UTC
by The Great Hippo
Ted Cruz Says Space Force is Necessary to Prevent Space Pirates
“Since the ancient Greeks first put to sea, nations have recognized the necessity of naval forces and maintaining a superior capability to protect waterborne travel and commerce from bad actors,” Cruz, the chairman of the subcommittee on aviation and space, said at a hearing Tuesday.

“Pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space. In this same way, I believe we too must now recognize the necessity of a Space Force to defend the nation and to protect space commerce and civil space exploration,” Cruz said.
No, this is not an Onion article. Yes, these are direct quotes. And yes, Ted Cruz is both an American Senator and a Rhodes' scholar.

...

Space Pirates.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 9:44 pm UTC
by Dauric


There are arguably valid reasons to have a military organization concerned with protecting assets in space (like GPS and communications satellites), the Russians have been deploying various forms of anti-satellite satellites (stuff like suicide drones designed to take out U.S. communication and navigation assets) since at least the 70's, and it's just gotten weirder since then (like recent reports of Chinese and Russian satellites designed to catch and de-orbit other satellites so they can be recovered and taken apart to analyze how they work under the guise of "de-orbiting space debris"). Whether this requires a special branch of the military to work on or ,as it is at present, works well enough as a sub-organization of the Air Force.. Like I said, it's arguable.

If you deconstruct what he said he's equating "seagoing pirates" to "state-operated anti-satellite devices", he doesn't actually say "Space Pirates". To be fair a number of those anti-satellite devices are probably aimed at commercial communications satellites, so threats to what amounts to "Civil space exploration" (or rather "...exploitation", but same difference) are a thing.

That said analogies between space and seagoing environments are tenuous at best (and I say this as a guy who has looked up naval ship classes to maintain 'authenticity' when running spacefaring Sci-Fi RPGs), and equating those "debris recovery" satellites with age-of-sail privateers does conjure some rather silly mental imagery.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 10:33 pm UTC
by The Great Hippo
He invokes pirates as a naval threat analogous to sovereign countries and their own particular space programs. Pirates are independent actors; without the backing and authority of a developed nation, it's all but laughable to imagine a hostile space program that's both functional and profitable. Who's going to expend the resources to launch weapons into space? He's not talking about piracy; he's talking about a navy you own to defend yourself against another country's navy.

I mean, I get it; he's talking about a militarized space race between well-funded government organizations (he could have just said that; "we're entering a new space race where military action is increasingly credible and feasible"). But instead, he's invoked piracy to render the programs of other countries illegitimate (their space programs are just independent "bad actors").

And don't we already have a space program? The idea that a "militarized" version is necessary to protect our satellites from enemy action strikes me as ridiculous. I mean, I'm no expert, but the problems of hostile action in space will likely require engineering solutions -- not military ones.

(Not to mention NASA already has significant overlap with the military to begin with!)

ETA: I mean! You could argue that military action might be necessary on the ground or air to obstruct hostile space programs, but that's something the regular military can do.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 11:14 pm UTC
by CorruptUser
How would you steal a satellite? Quite sure none were designed to survive reentry, at least not without a space shuttle like drone to contain them.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 1:22 am UTC
by Coyne
CorruptUser wrote:How would you steal a satellite? Quite sure none were designed to survive reentry, at least not without a space shuttle like drone to contain them.

Hmmm... capture satellite has clam shells that open and close around the other satellite, internal space is filled with foam. Capture satellite is designed for reentry. Just sketching an idea. Pros: pretty much as few as for a space Navy. Cons: difficulty of catching of the satellite, expense, difficulty of reentry, wasting all that money when you could just get the info by espionage here on Earth.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 1:58 am UTC
by Dauric

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:35 am UTC
by sardia

It wouldn't be worth it unless the satellite had some really advanced technology, like the lens on spy satellites.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:16 am UTC
by ObsessoMom
The Great Hippo wrote:Ted Cruz is both an American Senator and a Rhodes' scholar.


He was never a Rhodes scholar. For gosh sakes, don't pad his résumé.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:53 am UTC
by commodorejohn
Ted Cruz is a wax dummy brought to life by a spiteful magician.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 7:46 am UTC
by The Great Hippo
ObsessoMom wrote:
The Great Hippo wrote:Ted Cruz is both an American Senator and a Rhodes' scholar.


He was never a Rhodes scholar. For gosh sakes, don't pad his résumé.
Wait, was I thinking of Bill Clinton?

...

I apparently was.

I have no idea how the hell I made that mistake.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 1:46 pm UTC
by addams
commodorejohn wrote:Ted Cruz is a wax dummy brought to life by a spiteful magician.
Or; Worse.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 6:45 pm UTC
by Sableagle
The Great Hippo wrote:
ObsessoMom wrote:
The Great Hippo wrote:Ted Cruz is both an American Senator and a Rhodes' scholar.


He was never a Rhodes scholar. For gosh sakes, don't pad his résumé.
Wait, was I thinking of Bill Clinton?

...

I apparently was.

I have no idea how the hell I made that mistake.

Maybe similar young women made similar credible allegations against the two of them.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Mon May 27, 2019 9:06 pm UTC
by Grop
On Sunday, a 95 yo woman was denied the right to vote (in EU elections) because she was believed to be dead since 2017. French article.

(Only posting this here because she apparently thought it was funny, and obviously one vote wouldn't make a big difference, this isn't a case of mass voters denial).

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 11:35 pm UTC
by addams
Tragic or Funny?
Sometimes it's a tough call.

I'm guessing Funny.
"All of those videos and pictures delighted the public,"
Musk has placed a lot of satellites up.
They march across the night sky obscuring everything else.

Here's one of the clips that delighted the public.
https://vimeo.com/338361997

The story from NPR:
https://www.npr.org/2019/06/03/72927520 ... n-the-view

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:21 pm UTC
by solune
We should tell him that a Dyson sphere is around the sun, not around the earth

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 4:25 pm UTC
by addams
umm....Yes.
I guess the astronomers can use the orbiting telescope.

But...It had not occurred to me that the Kessler Syndrome might
not only physically confine us to Earth, it might also confine our visual exploration.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kessler_syndrome

In years to come the idea of seeing out past our orbiting junkyard might seem like a Fairy Tail.
On the other hand...Everything might turn out Just Fine for everyone.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 5:25 pm UTC
by SuicideJunkie
addams wrote:Here's one of the clips that delighted the public.
https://vimeo.com/338361997

That looks like morse code. "IEIIAAEIEEESSEITEATNDIIET" I think those satellites are not having a fun time.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 5:28 pm UTC
by addams
SuicideJunkie wrote:
addams wrote:Here's one of the clips that delighted the public.
https://vimeo.com/338361997

That looks like morse code. "IEIIAAEIEEESSEITEATNDIIET" I think those satellites are not having a fun time.
EAT-N-DIIET...?!
Oh, Dear....They are American.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2019 2:22 pm UTC
by Sableagle

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2019 2:58 pm UTC
by Mutex
In case anyone is wondering what that's about, apparently the Pakistan government accidentally turned on a filter during a FB live.

https://indianexpress.com/article/trend ... NBbgnmVpYY

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:25 pm UTC
by Angua
Good news, everybody. The Queen is still capable of planting a tree.

The institute's chief executive Dr Tina Barsby said: "On the rehearsal, the idea was that she would supervise the planting of a tree.

"But she gave her bag to someone to hold and said 'I'm still perfectly capable of planting a tree' and she put the soil in herself."


https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-48923065

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:57 am UTC
by idonno
Bad news for Prince Charles.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:25 am UTC
by PM 2Ring
I wouldn't be surprised if she could still change a wheel.
When the Queen was a truck mechanic.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 6:38 pm UTC
by addams
PM 2Ring wrote:I wouldn't be surprised if she could still change a wheel.
When the Queen was a truck mechanic.
What a Jewel.
I'm proud of The Queen and I'm not even part of the United Kingdom.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 6:56 pm UTC
by orthogon
Meanwhile, our next Prime Minister would struggle to find his own arse with with both hands, a torch, and an iPhone with a "Find My Arse" app installed. Long live the monarchy!

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:31 pm UTC
by commodorejohn
PM 2Ring wrote:I wouldn't be surprised if she could still change a wheel.
When the Queen was a truck mechanic.

Man, you learn something every day.

C'mon, Disney. Quit screwing around with endless remakes nobody asked for and give us this movie instead.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:15 pm UTC
by Angua
PM 2Ring wrote:I wouldn't be surprised if she could still change a wheel.
When the Queen was a truck mechanic.


She also took the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia for a drive (before they lifted their driving ban for women)

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Sat Jul 20, 2019 12:39 am UTC
by CorruptUser
In my fanfic, the Queen builds killer death robots while all the other worthless nobles squabble over nonsense.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:59 am UTC
by Thesh
Women urged not to put ice lollies in their vagina to cool down.

I'm not actually sure if this article is in response to something that people are actually doing.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 8:31 am UTC
by orthogon
Thesh wrote:Women urged not to put ice lollies in their vagina to cool down.

I'm not actually sure if this article is in response to something that people are actually doing.

Last night I was holding ice against many different parts of my body where the blood was close to the surface in an attempt to cool down: armpits, jugular vein, soles of feet, forehead, ... If I'd had a vagina I may well have tried that.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:09 am UTC
by Quercus
orthogon wrote:
Thesh wrote:Women urged not to put ice lollies in their vagina to cool down.

I'm not actually sure if this article is in response to something that people are actually doing.

Last night I was holding ice against many different parts of my body where the blood was close to the surface in an attempt to cool down: armpits, jugular vein, soles of feet, forehead, ... If I'd had a vagina I may well have tried that.


We repurposed a plant mister spray bottle for ourselves (in light of the above conversation I feel compelled to specify that this was for external use). Was very effective, especially in combination with a fan. We also had to abandon our sunny attic bedroom as an uninhabitable oven and slept on the sofa bed downstairs instead.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 2:09 pm UTC
by ijuin
Thesh wrote:Women urged not to put ice lollies in their vagina to cool down.

I'm not actually sure if this article is in response to something that people are actually doing.

AFAIK it’s a bad idea because of all the sugar that would provide food for bacteria and yeasts that live there. If one really wants ice in her vagina, then it should be plain ice, and not flavored ices.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2019 9:50 am UTC
by Link

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2019 3:47 pm UTC
by Sableagle
Doctors say he is leaking cerebral spinal fluid through his nose, but did not break any bones other than a skull fracture and a cracked vertebra.
"He's leaking a bit of brain juice, and his head and neck are busted, but the rest of his bones are fine!" Got to love an optimistic doctor.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2019 10:35 am UTC
by Coyne