I miss my mother so much. She was fifty flavours of awesome. She was my best friend. Wryly witty, liberal minded and a great Scrabble player, always thought first of others, she taught me to read and to care, you'd have loved her.
I didn't spend nearly enough time with her while she was ill, or for that matter while she was well, because I'm a jerk. She was diagnosed in 2005 and after a couple of years of treatment it looked as though she would be okay, and by okay I mean it looked as though she would need to spend a couple of hours in a hospital every day for the rest of her life but that the rest of her life would probably be thirty years or so.
I got married and we became pregnant more or less instantly in 2007, and that dominated my thoughts and efforts. When the baby was a few months old, mum had to let us know that she'd been keeping a secret from us, that in fact the treatment had caused dysplasia. She had not wanted to worry us because she knew we were busy with the baby. Not long after that she told me she had decided she'd had enough treatment for one lifetime, and that she would not go to hospital any more, and that for this reason she would probably last another week. She wouldn't listen to my pleading about "where there's life there's hope" etc. She was ready to say goodbye.
She deteriorated fast, and soon couldn't speak, and communicated using a letterboard. I read to her, brought her what she needed. Even a few hours before she died I maintained the fantasy that she was going to recover. She was dead by morning, and it is usual to say "she died in her sleep", but for all I know she died in a waking paroxysm.
My obsession with "what I could have done differently" is tempered by remembering that if I'd done anything differently, I wouldn't have my son (sensitive dependence on initial conditions etc), so the range of time in which I could have done things differently is limited to the narrow period that represents the intersection sets of her lives. Ah me. At least she got to see him.
a) Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION !
b) Please state the nature of your ailment or injury.
c) One a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?
d) Please state the nature of the medical emergency.