2161: "An Apple a Day"

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Reka
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2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Reka » Mon Jun 10, 2019 5:40 pm UTC

Image
Title text: Even the powerful, tart Granny Smith cultivar is proving ineffective against new Gran-negative doctors.

What about (hard) apple cider? Please tell me it still works...

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da Doctah
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby da Doctah » Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:04 pm UTC

I liked B Kliban's take on this proverb:

Image

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby RAGBRAIvet » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:43 am UTC

I've found that one apple a day, if thrown hard enough and accurately enough, is usually sufficient to keep the doctor away.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby sotanaht » Tue Jun 11, 2019 5:38 am UTC

RAGBRAIvet wrote:I've found that one apple a day, if thrown hard enough and accurately enough, is usually sufficient to keep the doctor away.

But what happens when the doctors evolve into wearing armor?

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peteispo
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby peteispo » Tue Jun 11, 2019 7:54 am UTC

For throwing, I'd suggest Golden Delicious - the oxymoron apple (it's green and unpleasant-tasting)
For the GRMD cases, I think the only remaining weapon could be Bramley...

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby TheEngineer » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:17 am UTC

Certain green apples can be a remarkably effective deterrent ...
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby pkcommando » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:45 am UTC

No one likes Most people dislike being hit with road apples as well.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Vroomfundel » Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:45 am UTC

peteispo wrote:For throwing, I'd suggest Golden Delicious - the oxymoron apple (it's green and unpleasant-tasting)


OK, nitpick time - my favourite time of the day!

First of all, it would be an oxymoron apple if it were, say, "golden rainbow" or "turd delicious" - the two words need to contradict each other, not the essence of the thing being represented by them (that would be a misnomer, for instance).

The 2nd one is more nuanced - I always thought that golden delicious is yellow, at least the ones I've seen on grocer's shelves have been. A google image search shows a mixture of yellow and green ones though. Presumably the green ones are, well, green (as in not ripe) or a subvariety popular in the US. Overall, I believe that at least half of their name is not dangerously misleading.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby commodorejohn » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:20 pm UTC

Well this explains the sudden shortage of good Cripps Pink at the local Safeway some months ago. Clearly someone was stockpiling.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby jonathan_pboro » Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:19 pm UTC

My theory: An Apple a Day was just a secondary byproduct of someone's apple pun, Gran-negative.

Can someone provide supporting or contradictory evidence?

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Mikeski » Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:13 pm UTC

commodorejohn wrote:Well this explains the sudden shortage of good Cripps Pink at the local Safeway some months ago. Clearly someone was stockpiling.

Nah, they just have frequent altercations with the Blood Oranges. Then all the damaged fruit has to be taken off the shelves.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby orthogon » Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:18 pm UTC

da Doctah wrote:I liked B Kliban's take on this proverb:

B Kliban wrote:1 Apple Every 8 Hours will keep 3 Doctors Away


I don't think that's right. The proverb is confusingly worded, but I think what it means is that one apple per day will keep all doctors at a certain minimum distance (presumably on the order of the length of a stethoscope). Increasing the consumption rate will increase this distance; assuming an inverse-square law, one could conclude that one apple every six hours would double the medic-free radius.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby niauropsaka » Tue Jun 11, 2019 9:26 pm UTC

This was a good one. I like the incongruity of using epidemiological language against 'doctors.'

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby SDK » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:26 pm UTC

Mikeski wrote:
commodorejohn wrote:Well this explains the sudden shortage of good Cripps Pink at the local Safeway some months ago. Clearly someone was stockpiling.

Nah, they just have frequent altercations with the Blood Oranges. Then all the damaged fruit has to be taken off the shelves.

Ha!
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby sotanaht » Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:02 am UTC

Vroomfundel wrote:
peteispo wrote:For throwing, I'd suggest Golden Delicious - the oxymoron apple (it's green and unpleasant-tasting)


OK, nitpick time - my favourite time of the day!

First of all, it would be an oxymoron apple if it were, say, "golden rainbow" or "turd delicious" - the two words need to contradict each other, not the essence of the thing being represented by them (that would be a misnomer, for instance).

The 2nd one is more nuanced - I always thought that golden delicious is yellow, at least the ones I've seen on grocer's shelves have been. A google image search shows a mixture of yellow and green ones though. Presumably the green ones are, well, green (as in not ripe) or a subvariety popular in the US. Overall, I believe that at least half of their name is not dangerously misleading.

More common examples of oxymorons include "Military Intelligence", "Fair taxes", and "Legitimate Government".

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Heimhenge » Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:33 am UTC

Mikeski wrote:
commodorejohn wrote:Well this explains the sudden shortage of good Cripps Pink at the local Safeway some months ago. Clearly someone was stockpiling.

Nah, they just have frequent altercations with the Blood Oranges. Then all the damaged fruit has to be taken off the shelves.


Watch out for those carrots too. Doctors used to say they were good for your vision, but I damaged my eyes by mistakenly using the pointy ends.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Rombobjörn » Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:41 am UTC

Garlic is much more powerful than apples. A garlic a day will keep anyone at a distance.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby HES » Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:53 pm UTC

Especially if your doctor is a vampire. That would explain all the blood taking they do...
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Sableagle » Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:59 pm UTC

orthogon wrote:
da Doctah wrote:I liked B Kliban's take on this proverb:

B Kliban wrote:1 Apple Every 8 Hours will keep 3 Doctors Away


I don't think that's right. The proverb is confusingly worded, but I think what it means is that one apple per day will keep all doctors at a certain minimum distance (presumably on the order of the length of a stethoscope). Increasing the consumption rate will increase this distance; assuming an inverse-square law, one could conclude that one apple every six hours would double the medic-free radius.


Doctors being surface-dwelling, not free-floating, life-forms (when they're not busy wrecking perfectly good V-tail Bonanzas), I'd think it'd be just an inverse, not an inverse-square relationship.

I have an alternative explanation for this proverb. It involves one very specific doctor with a particularly sensitive stomach, a weakness for apples and a long walk from his practice to his nearest outhouse.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby DavidSh » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:24 pm UTC

My belief was that an apple a day was supposed to prevent constipation, which was one of the few conditions that a doctor could reliably treat. (Thus "physician" as someone who administered "physic", an old term for a purgative.)

But I suppose that is too serious an answer for this thread.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby ijuin » Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:33 pm UTC

Prevent constipation, but also prevent malnourishment and its attendant diseases due to their vitamin content—apples were one of the few good sources of Vitamin C that could be stored for an entire year without preservation.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Old Bruce » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:11 am UTC

HES wrote:Especially if your doctor is a vampire. That would explain all the blood taking they do...

Nurses and Technicians have taken my blood but I don't ever recall a doctor ever taking my blood.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby speising » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:40 am UTC

Old Bruce wrote:
HES wrote:Especially if your doctor is a vampire. That would explain all the blood taking they do...

Nurses and Technicians have taken my blood but I don't ever recall a doctor ever taking my blood.

Renfields.

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da Doctah
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby da Doctah » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:00 am UTC

Old Bruce wrote:
HES wrote:Especially if your doctor is a vampire. That would explain all the blood taking they do...

Nurses and Technicians have taken my blood but I don't ever recall a doctor ever taking my blood.

Quite the opposite, in fact. Ever since they started telling me my blood pressure was too high I've suggested to every doctor I've seen that he might want to prescribe leeches. To date, not one has taken me up on it.

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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:00 pm UTC

A joke I heard:

Two men, a doctor and an engineer, were both in love with the same woman.

Everyday, the doctor would bring her flowers.

Everyday, the engineer would give her an apple.

DavidSh wrote:My belief was that an apple a day was supposed to prevent constipation, which was one of the few conditions that a doctor could reliably treat. (Thus "physician" as someone who administered "physic", an old term for a purgative.)

But I suppose that is too serious an answer for this thread.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby NumberFourtyThree » Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:53 am UTC

Remember most of the most common apple varieties (and other fruits and vegetables), were not bred or selected as a preferred variety due to taste, but for factors including growth, shelf life, appearance, and resistance to damage during shipping. After all all people only know how they taste after they pay for it, and apples varieties that are focused on taste instead of these other features are normally more expensive due to lacking one or more of those other qualities. However honeycrisps are an exception, as their taste is their strongest suit. They are thus more expensive than other apples, but the production and other costs aren't as much higher than the price suggests, as supply and demand play a role as demand for them has been increasing as more people experience their taste, but it takes years to get new apple trees into production.

Granny Smiths are a particularly old apple variety that has a very good shelf life and durability. It is much more sour (or tart or acidic) than most other apples rather than sweet, so many people don't like to eat them raw, but its properties make it a good choice as ingredient in baked goods.
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Re: 2161: "An Apple a Day"

Postby RAGBRAIvet » Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:56 am UTC

Rombobjörn wrote:Garlic is much more powerful than apples. A garlic a day will keep anyone at a distance.

Old NYC proverb ... "A nickel will get you onto the subway, but garlic will get you a seat."


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