1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

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1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby JDGA » Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:59 am UTC

Image

Title: If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost.

How long until the pile of useless features reaches critical mass and becomes a phone singularity?

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby da Doctah » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:07 am UTC

Does it come in gluten-free?

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Psykar » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:26 am UTC

Tech moves quickly
Image
Image

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Djehutynakht » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:48 am UTC

I've run out of hands. What do I do...

*realization*

Wristband...

clever... clever...

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby kodiac » Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:41 am UTC

The wristband appears to be broken. Am I expected to use the holes in it to attach a non-broken wristband?

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby superluminal » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:17 am UTC

This is the first xkcd comic I see which has obvisously been drawn with a wacom(-like) pen. Before this I always thought that at least all the lettering was done with a "real" pen.

Image

Notice the C in XKDC and the E in PHONE.

Spoiler:
Same thing here...
xkcd_phone_3+markings.png

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby orthogon » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:31 am UTC

"Foretold by prophecy" is pretty much the deal with most Apple stuff.

I like the magnetic stripe. When the contactless payment didn't work, then chip and pin lets you down, the checkout person can still swipe it. But I hope it has embossed characters on the back as an ultimate backup. What do they call those slidey machine things again?
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby The Moomin » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:48 am UTC

I assume none of the chargers and accessories for the older phones are compatible to maximise revenue from the new phone?
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby orthogon » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:52 am UTC

The Moomin wrote:I assume none of the chargers and accessories for the older phones are compatible to maximise revenue from the new phone?

It doesn't even work with the same kind of electrons.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:57 am UTC

The Moomin wrote:I assume none of the chargers and accessories for the older phones are compatible to maximize revenue from the new phone?


That would make it difficult on the European market. See this.
Details inside:
Spoiler:
The EU council did this in a wise way. They effectively told the phone manufacturers "Choose a charge format together or we'll choose one and none of you will like that one". The phone manufacturers choose Micro USB. The only manufacturer I know cheated a bit were Apple (as their phones can only be charged via micro USB via a convertor cable) and Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.). This is apparently allowed by the rules.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby peregrine_crow » Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:07 am UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:"Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.)"


It's a bit of topic, but this is the first time I heard of it and isn't this exactly the kind of bullshit that this law was designed to prevent? I knew about the Apple thing and I'm still amazed they got away with that, but if everyone followed Nokias example we would be right back to the old situation where none of the chargers are compatible.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:52 am UTC

peregrine_crow wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:"Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.)"


It's a bit of topic, but this is the first time I heard of it and isn't this exactly the kind of bullshit that this law was designed to prevent? I knew about the Apple thing and I'm still amazed they got away with that, but if everyone followed Nokias example we would be right back to the old situation where none of the chargers are compatible.

Dunno, they didn't seem to catch flak over it but they were pretty much dying anyway. I have no clue as to how the Microsoft phones handle it because I haven't seen one in real life.
If the EU would have done what I would have hoped neither Apple nor Nokia phones (nor any other) with those cheats would be allowed to be sold in Europe. They had the opportunity and let it slip (the cheat was in practice before the law was made).
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby orthogon » Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:56 am UTC

peregrine_crow wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:"Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.)"


It's a bit of topic, but this is the first time I heard of it and isn't this exactly the kind of bullshit that this law was designed to prevent? I knew about the Apple thing and I'm still amazed they got away with that, but if everyone followed Nokias example we would be right back to the old situation where none of the chargers are compatible.


I've long observed something about the USB 'A' connector. The outer part is rectangular, so on the face of it we would expect it to have twofold rotational symmetry, with one of the two orientations prevented by the keying arrangement. However, anyone who has plugged in a few USB connectors knows that this naive conclusion is incorrect: on average you have to rotate the plug three or four times before it goes in, suggesting that the design possesses some strange Escher-like geometry. No doubt the type 'E' connector on the XKCD phone 3 will take this to another level: it'll be some kind of 13-dimensional manifold, an Eldritch Abomination of a plug with more wrong ways to insert it than there are electrons in the universe.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:11 am UTC

There are plans to change to Type C. That plug has rotational symmetry.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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flicky1991 wrote:I'm being quoted too much!

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Eoink » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:13 am UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:There are plans to change to Type C. That plug has rotational symmetry.


And will still take 3 attempts to insert correctly, due to USB-space properties.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:18 am UTC

Eoink wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:There are plans to change to Type C. That plug has rotational symmetry.


And will still take 3 attempts to insert correctly, due to USB-space properties.

Hell is 5 spatial dimensional USB.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby sfmans » Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:14 am UTC

orthogon wrote:I've long observed something about the USB 'A' connector. The outer part is rectangular, so on the face of it we would expect it to have twofold rotational symmetry, with one of the two orientations prevented by the keying arrangement. However, anyone who has plugged in a few USB connectors knows that this naive conclusion is incorrect: on average you have to rotate the plug three or four times before it goes in, suggesting that the design possesses some strange Escher-like geometry.


I am so glad that isn't just me. I observed this very phenomenenomenom only yesterday and was baffled by it - get out of my head orthogon!

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby leeharveyosmond » Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:47 am UTC

"FitBit Fitness Evaporator"?

Hmmmm.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:48 am UTC

orthogon wrote:
peregrine_crow wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:"Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.)"


It's a bit of topic, but this is the first time I heard of it and isn't this exactly the kind of bullshit that this law was designed to prevent? I knew about the Apple thing and I'm still amazed they got away with that, but if everyone followed Nokias example we would be right back to the old situation where none of the chargers are compatible.


I've long observed something about the USB 'A' connector. The outer part is rectangular, so on the face of it we would expect it to have twofold rotational symmetry, with one of the two orientations prevented by the keying arrangement. However, anyone who has plugged in a few USB connectors knows that this naive conclusion is incorrect: on average you have to rotate the plug three or four times before it goes in, suggesting that the design possesses some strange Escher-like geometry. No doubt the type 'E' connector on the XKCD phone 3 will take this to another level: it'll be some kind of 13-dimensional manifold, an Eldritch Abomination of a plug with more wrong ways to insert it than there are electrons in the universe.



The solution is obvious (which means 'not obvious or achievable') [citation needed] . First, switch to a mag-safe-like connector, then place the magnets in both the connector and the socket such that the cable is self-aligning. You know, sort of a triangle of magnets in each, of opposite polarity. The socket would have N - S - monopole spaced by 120 degrees, and the connector S-N-(antimonopole) with the same spacing.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby pkcommando » Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:06 pm UTC

orthogon wrote: No doubt the type 'E' connector on the XKCD phone 3 will take this to another level: it'll be some kind of 13-dimensional manifold, an Eldritch Abomination of a plug with more wrong ways to insert it than there are electrons in the universe.

You'll only be able to plug it in if you're not looking at, or thinking about it. And you will need to cross your own timestream enough times to give causality a headache once there are no fewer than 4 versions of yourself (conversations are strongly discouraged here, no matter how tempting) holding the plug at the same time.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby The Moomin » Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:16 pm UTC

pkcommando wrote:
orthogon wrote: No doubt the type 'E' connector on the XKCD phone 3 will take this to another level: it'll be some kind of 13-dimensional manifold, an Eldritch Abomination of a plug with more wrong ways to insert it than there are electrons in the universe.

You'll only be able to plug it in if you're not looking at, or thinking about it. And you will need to cross your own timestream enough times to give causality a headache once there are no fewer than 4 versions of yourself (conversations are strongly discouraged here, no matter how tempting) holding the plug at the same time.


You have to balance the phone so the 'E' port is located where, at some point in time not concurrent with the phone, a charger plug is likely to be located. Ideally this should be in a clown car.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby k.j. » Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:35 pm UTC

Does anyone else envision the Sonic the Hedgehog music when the phone is drowning?

As an aside, even after not playing the game for many years that music instantly stresses me out.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Beavertails » Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:15 pm UTC

sfmans wrote:I observed this very phenomenenomenom


Do do di doo doo.

Image


My (formerly) main iPhone 6 charger while the same on both sides, would only charge when a certain side was face up. As each side looks identical, I assume the instruction is somewhere in the 4th dimension. Which also explains why I have to rotate it 5 or 6 times to get it right.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby pkcommando » Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:28 pm UTC

Beavertails wrote:My (formerly) main iPhone 6 charger while the same on both sides, would only charge when a certain side was face up. As each side looks identical, I assume the instruction is somewhere in the 4th dimension. Which also explains why I have to rotate it 5 or 6 times to get it right.

It was clearly designed by Time Lords.
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SUSAN: No, you'd jam the lock. Look, it's a defence mechanism. There are twenty one different holes inside the lock. There's one right place and twenty wrong ones. If you make a mistake, you'll. Well, the whole inside of the lock will melt.


If aliens didn't design phone chargers, then someone here on Earth was taking very careful notes when they saw that story.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby hamjudo » Fri Jul 10, 2015 3:38 pm UTC

Someone should make a mechanical puzzle that looks like an oversized USB A port and connector. In the unsolved state, when you attempt to insert the connector right side up it is blocked by a lever. Each time that lever is pushed, it does something to the locking mechanism. Likewise, when you put the connector in upside down, the parts collide triggering some other mechanism. The puzzle should require some sequence of right side up, and upside down insertions before it unlocks and the lever allows the connector to be inserted fully.

This would need to be made of something really sturdy. I have seen a lot of forced USB connectors.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby speising » Fri Jul 10, 2015 3:58 pm UTC

hamjudo wrote:Someone should make a mechanical puzzle that looks like an oversized USB A port and connector. In the unsolved state, when you attempt to insert the connector right side up it is blocked by a lever. Each time that lever is pushed, it does something to the locking mechanism. Likewise, when you put the connector in upside down, the parts collide triggering some other mechanism. The puzzle should require some sequence of right side up, and upside down insertions before it unlocks and the lever allows the connector to be inserted fully.

This would need to be made of something really sturdy. I have seen a lot of forced USB connectors.

Old idea. I have eight of those puzzles on the back of my PC.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby yakkoTDI » Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:24 pm UTC

hamjudo wrote:Someone should make a mechanical puzzle that looks like an oversized USB A port and connector. In the unsolved state, when you attempt to insert the connector right side up it is blocked by a lever. Each time that lever is pushed, it does something to the locking mechanism. Likewise, when you put the connector in upside down, the parts collide triggering some other mechanism. The puzzle should require some sequence of right side up, and upside down insertions before it unlocks and the lever allows the connector to be inserted fully.

This would need to be made of something really sturdy. I have seen a lot of forced USB connectors.


The correct sequence is ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby keithl » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:50 pm UTC

I presume the XKCD Phone 4 will have a special ear piece that drills into your skull through your ear, then liquifies and ejects the brain. The rest of the phone is pulled into the skull, where it takes over the body. This will increase the intelligence of the average user, and permit hands-free operation while driving.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Beavertails » Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:56 pm UTC

keithl wrote:...permit hands-free operation while driving.


No need with the XKCD Car 1
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:11 pm UTC

Beavertails wrote:
keithl wrote:...permit hands-free operation while driving.


No need with the XKCD Car 1


CFN assault craft, former pizza delivery vehicle, moon roof, power brakes/steering, lotsa rust, muffler hole, doesn't start, automatic sliding transmission, broken driver's window, tear away bumpers, detachable interior paneling, interested call greg

name that reference
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby rmsgrey » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:28 pm UTC

What I want to know is how you preform the hotswap of the USB-E socket and what tools you need to do so...

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:30 pm UTC

I think it's saying that things can just be plugged into and unplugged from the port without the use of any special tools or shutting down the machine during (de)installation of the devices connected to the port. You just disconnect one device, while the machine is still on, and swap in another device instead, like magic!
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby rmsgrey » Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:54 pm UTC

Pfhorrest wrote:I think it's saying that things can just be plugged into and unplugged from the port without the use of any special tools or shutting down the machine during (de)installation of the devices connected to the port. You just disconnect one device, while the machine is still on, and swap in another device instead, like magic!


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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby colonel_hack » Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:01 am UTC

orthogon wrote:It doesn't even work with the same kind of electrons.

They're positronic? Dr. Susan Calvin's working for XKCD!

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby keithl » Sat Jul 11, 2015 2:30 am UTC

Beavertails wrote:
keithl wrote:...permit hands-free operation while driving.
No need with the XKCD Car 1
XKCD Car 1 will enforce hands-free operation with sharp spinning blades on the dash. Spinning blades on the front will deal with pedestrians. Very high power front blades on XKCD Car 2 will eliminate the need for roads and brakes.

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby RogueCynic » Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:07 am UTC

The only thing it needs is a device to unclasp a bra.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby addams » Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:32 am UTC

sfmans wrote:
orthogon wrote:I've long observed something about the USB 'A' connector. The outer part is rectangular, so on the face of it we would expect it to have twofold rotational symmetry, with one of the two orientations prevented by the keying arrangement. However, anyone who has plugged in a few USB connectors knows that this naive conclusion is incorrect: on average you have to rotate the plug three or four times before it goes in, suggesting that the design possesses some strange Escher-like geometry.


I am so glad that isn't just me. I observed this very phenomenenomenom only yesterday and was baffled by it - get out of my head orthogon!

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keithl wrote:XKCD Car 1 will enforce hands-free operation with sharp spinning blades on the dash. Spinning blades on the front will deal with pedestrians. Very high power front blades on XKCD Car 2 will eliminate the need for roads and brakes.

This I had Not thought of.
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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby gcgcgcgc » Sat Jul 11, 2015 7:48 am UTC

orthogon wrote:
peregrine_crow wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:"Nokia (they had two extra pins in their charging micro USB. Without those extra pins the phone wouldn't charge, but it wouldn't interfere with other phones charging off a Nokia charger.)"


It's a bit of topic, but this is the first time I heard of it and isn't this exactly the kind of bullshit that this law was designed to prevent? I knew about the Apple thing and I'm still amazed they got away with that, but if everyone followed Nokias example we would be right back to the old situation where none of the chargers are compatible.


I've long observed something about the USB 'A' connector. The outer part is rectangular, so on the face of it we would expect it to have twofold rotational symmetry, with one of the two orientations prevented by the keying arrangement. However, anyone who has plugged in a few USB connectors knows that this naive conclusion is incorrect: on average you have to rotate the plug three or four times before it goes in, suggesting that the design possesses some strange Escher-like geometry. No doubt the type 'E' connector on the XKCD phone 3 will take this to another level: it'll be some kind of 13-dimensional manifold, an Eldritch Abomination of a plug with more wrong ways to insert it than there are electrons in the universe.


USB plug orientation is a Spinor

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby weirdee » Sat Jul 11, 2015 10:09 am UTC

keithl wrote:
Beavertails wrote:
keithl wrote:...permit hands-free operation while driving.
No need with the XKCD Car 1
XKCD Car 1 will enforce hands-free operation with sharp spinning blades on the dash. Spinning blades on the front will deal with pedestrians. Very high power front blades on XKCD Car 2 will eliminate the need for roads and brakes.
XKCD Car 2: Taking The Fastest Possible Velocity To Your Destination* By Any Means Necessary

*all destinations provided free, assigned at random, from mandatory onboard GPS (currently available in Al Bhed)

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Re: 1549: "XKCD Phone 3"

Postby orthogon » Sun Jul 12, 2015 11:16 am UTC

RogueCynic wrote:The only thing it needs is a device to unclasp a bra.

Let's solve hard AI and quantum gravity first. No point trying to run before you can walk.

And thanks to gcgcgcgc. I had the feeling there was something physical or mathematical that worked that way, but couldn't put my finger on it. All I could think of was a four-stroke engine.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.


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