sonar1313 wrote:Yes. All true. But: There are also girls and women who string guys along without realizing it one bit. They're genuinely nice, well-intentioned people, who smile, maybe even flirt a little, and then the moment a guy makes his can-we-be-more-than-friends feelings known, they say, "oh sorry, I have a boyfriend." (Or else the guy finds out on his own before having the chance to make his feelings known.) And as often as not (particularly if you've known them for, oh, say, more than an hour but less than a month), they just want things to go on as before, because they like having friends.
I love this. You know why?
Because I literally JUST fucking talked about you. Just fucking talked about it. You are the person I was talking about to Aliquid in the two paragraphs KrytenKoro quoted down below. Being nice to you, treating you like a decent fucking human being, is not "stringing you along." And treating women as if they are somehow bad people or at fault for being nice to you, is a really fucked up backwards way of thinking.
KrytenKoro wrote:Karilyn wrote:It might sound hard to believe, because I'm dishing out tough love in this thread, and it's going to sound ironic in the context of this thread, but it's honestly because I'm too nice. In most cases it's a person who doesn't have a lot of experience with people being nice to them, especially with people of the opposite sex. Because they have never had someone treat them that nice before, they work up the delusion in their mind that I must be in love with them, or that I'm their soulmate. So they start to think of me as their future girlfriend or something, then get angry when they feel like I was leading them on by being nice to them.Aliquid wrote:I find this interesting... I have met people that share your challenge, i.e. "guys/girls keep getting mad at me for ‘leading them on’, but I am not. What the hell is wrong with these people?” At the same time I know plenty of people who don’t have that problem. Is it something about your personality that drives these kinds of jerks to you like a moth to a flame? Is it something that you do or say that gives these guys the false belief that you are interested in them (in that way)?
Unfortunately, as has been stated by several people in this thread, being nice to someone doesn't mean they should fall in love with you. Which is the mistake that "Nice Guys" tend to make, on both sides of the aisle. In thinking that women they are nice to should fall in love with them, but also thinking that if a woman is nice to them, that she must be in love with them.
Sooooo...you're deliberately sending out what you know certain types of guys will interpret as signals (for your own reasons, but still in the knowledge that there's a very real likelihood they could get interpreted as such). Jeebus, the poor bastards.
Wow, I'm such an asshole for being nice to everyone? Holy fucking shit. So what? Am I supposed to not be nice to anybody that I don't want to be a romantic partner? Somehow I think being an asshole to everyone I don't want as a romantic partner is not a gameplan I have any intention of adopting. Because reality is, most men I interact with don't have that issue. They understand that a girl being nice to them is no different than a guy being nice to them.
The problem is not being nice to people. The problem is people who think being nice is equatable to a romantic gesture. And it isn't. Not when you do it to a girl. Not when a girl does it to you. And treating women like they are leading you on for being nice to you, is borderline psychotic.
I'm sorry some people were unlucky to not have people be nice to them in their lifetime, and that because of that, they mistake niceness for a romantic gesture. But I don't think encouraging everyone to treat them like an asshole unless you are romantically interested in them is going to do them any favors either. What will do them a favor is learning to not think that being nice to someone equates romantic gestures. Then they might discover a magical new world where they manage to surround themselves with lots of people, male and female, who are nice to them.
So no, I'm not going to accept the notion that I'm a victimizer because I treat people nicely even if I don't have romantic interest. I would be a victimizer if I didn't treat people nicely, and continued to reinforce the notion that nice is something special instead of something you should expect out of literally every person you chose to interact with regularly, no exceptions (Quadruple emphasis for emphasis).
Requesting permission to use you as an example for Aliquid too.