Awesome Student Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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kernelpanic
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

In my biology class, there is an average girl that always asks "Wait, will this be on the test?" It's acceptable for things that may or may not be, but sometimes she says it in the most awkward time. Once this happened:
Teacher: And the undigested food, as feces, comes out from the anus
This girl: Will it be on the test?
Teacher: Yes, It's on the syllabus (He always says this, and he also sometimes tells the girl to check in the syllabus before asking)
Student(With poor vision): Comes out of the what?
<uncontrollable laughter>
This Girl: ANUS A-N-U-S It's on the test. I've already written it in big letters in my notebook! (She shows it covered in random variations in design of the word ANUS)
<Last 15 mins. of class: Uncontrollable laughter, start of a new meme, and the girl asking what's so funny>
I'm not disorganized. My room has a high entropy.
Bhelliom wrote:Don't forget that the cat probably knows EXACTLY what it is doing is is most likely just screwing with you. You know, for CAT SCIENCE!

wst
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Monika wrote:wst: The text is black in Firefox.

I was talking about the comment the cynical idealist said, about highlighting the text or using a text only browser.
Which was wrong.

A conversation in DT resulted in gross overuse of the word "bodacious". Shame I can't remember how it developed.
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

DrProfessorPhD
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Ok, at a donating function sponsored by our NHS. I'm working the hot chocolate and snack shop, and it is fairly cold outside. We have a secondary open topped container of hot water being heated in the back, making it a very comfortable temp.
Several others who are cold enter.
Its so warm!
*see the hot water container*
Is it warm?
The other person in the room at the time:It's warm, but it's very hot.

Yeah. She's not stupid, but it seems that the sentence was a concatenation of Yes, its warm, and It's very hot.
I am probably a swordfighting octopus. In case you can't tell.

Cynical Idealist
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

wst wrote:
Monika wrote:wst: The text is black in Firefox.

I was talking about the comment the cynical idealist said, about highlighting the text or using a text only browser.
Which was wrong.

To test this, I went and dragged out IE. The text turned out to be white, but part of it was still unreadable without selections or highlighting (as some of that white text ends up on a white background).

The problem, on Firefox
The problem, on Internet Explorer.

Even with white text, it still needs highlighting in places. Images linked because they're large.

I was wrong, you can actually read the whole thing by using Firefox and IE to fill in the other's "blind spots", as it were. Or you could highlight the problem areas, or use a text-only browser.

If Opera does not suffer from the "white text on white background spots" thing, I'd like to see a screencap.
The internet removes the two biggest aids in detecting sarcasm:
1)The tone of voice
2)the assumption that the other person is sane
Elvish Pillager wrote:See? All the problems in our society are caused by violent video games, like FarmVille.

Klye
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Theres a guy in my architecture studio that never really thinks out what he says during final reviews. Example:
Guy - ...And the path between the entry and the yoga studio is open air...
Reviewer - So, what happens if it starts raining?
G - I don't know, you could put a tarp over it. I kind of like those blue FEMA ones.

Another time:
R - What is this big thing the stairs go around filled with?
G - Dirt.
R - This takes up way too much space to not serve any major purpose, and you're telling me its filled with dirt? There has to be something important in there.
G - Well, I guess you could put trash in it.
Phi wrote: Be careful when touching it though. It really expands.

Why would she say that?!?

Snowdream
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

We have a professor named 'Prof Godwin.' We whom love this professor, will call her simply; 'God.' (This is a personal joke, so not many people are aware of her nickname)... So one day, a student was freaking out about an assignment, while the Professor was talking to another student:

Student: "Dear god, help me please..."

Professor: "Shh! I'm busy..."

The class couldn't be settled down after that....

wst
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Cynical Idealist wrote:If Opera does not suffer from the "white text on white background spots" thing, I'd like to see a screencap.
Alas, it does, but I skimread and so fit in the words fine.
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

Senefen
Posts: 162
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:09 am UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

On getting back those Australia wide science test results
Teacher: Kate; credit, very good. Rachel; distinction, Jamie; distinction, Catherine; *hands back paper*
Catherine: I GOT PARTICIPATION! *runs around classroom screaming* WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

austin42
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

I actually keep a quotebook of memorable quotes from my classes from day to day. I think I'll share some of them with you all.

Person A: I was not prepeating. I was looking into the future and then repeating what you said.
Person B: That's prepeating.
-----
Person B: The goals of our lab are to prove that vectors are a force quantity...
-----
Person C (A guy): My health teacher told me that I can contract vaginitis.

The result of nerd camp.

Master_Bratac
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 1:53 am UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

A couple from Latin class:

(The situation: It was just after convention, and a girl from our class had been elected OJCL President. This is probably paraphrased a bit)
"So, you're the president of Latin?"

(The situation: We were reading that one insanely long Catullus poem, literally half of which is spent describing a tapestry or something. We had just translated the part where Ariadne is standing on the shore and all of her clothes were falling off for some reason."
"Can we watch the movie?"
(BONUS: The one who said that was a girl.)

austin42
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Teacher: Along comes a plus sign. What do you tell it to do?
Student: GTFO!

(Explanation of how a computer converts algebraic notation into post-fix notation. The equation in algebraic form was "2+3*4-5")

The result of nerd camp.

Gojoe
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Location: New Zealand!!!

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

austin42 wrote:Teacher: Along comes a plus sign. What do you tell it to do?
Student: GTFO!

(Explanation of how a computer converts algebraic notation into post-fix notation. The equation in algebraic form was "2+3*4-5")
This made me giggle. Because I thought it was being told to like a 5 year old.
michaelandjimi wrote:Oh Mr Gojoe
I won't make fun of your mojo.
Though in this fora I serenade you
I really only do it to aid you.
That continue on into infinity*

Feeble accompanying guitar.

mochafairy
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Location: Ohio

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

junior year, ap calc bc. We were discussing the bell curve and how the points of inflection are at the points of standard deviation. I wasn't really in the mood to do integrals...
teacher: so, how would we integrate $\int_{a}^{b}e^{-x^2}, dx$?
me: screw that. multiply it by zero. Problem solved.

My good roomie from last year: This is like sex, except in brownie form!
Me: Except you can enjoy this infront of your parents without them killing you.
(conversation about super brownies...picture and instructions spoiler'd)
Spoiler:
superbrowniesresize.jpg (64.33 KiB) Viewed 7665 times

Take normal brownies, unprepared. Add chocolate chunks to them--a broken up Hershey's bar, Dove chocolate, etc. Get creative. Next, add chocolate syrup. Lots of it. Mix in the other normal ingredients...eggs, oil, and milk (honestly, why does the box tell you to use water?). Procede to bake the brownies as if they were normal.

Oh, but it gets better, chocolate lovers. Much better.

Let the brownies cool. Take chocolate frosting and frost the brownies until it looks like a giant thing of frosting. Now take chocolate chips and place them ontop of the brownies. Serve lightly warmed.

In my fresh. engineering class
me: Why are we here?
ugta who is now my so <3: To reproduce. Why do we do it? I have no idea.

me: What language do they speak in Norway?
ugta who is now my so <3: Don't go to Finland!

my so: She's my friend-in-law

Ode to Algebra

Who really cares
Certainly not me,
Certainly not you.
Certainly not the stars in the sky,
hey hey hey that rhymes with sty!
Mrs. Wright, that's who
That bi-polar maniac,
I think she’s an insaniac
Thinking about it makes me spew
That stinkin ol' algebra two.-Jen

hmmm...that's all I can think of for now...
"YES. DO IT WITH CONFIDENCE" ~fortune cookie

Shakleton
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

One from my brother-in-law, back from his school days:

A small group of younger students was bragging about how they could speak latin and so on and so on. My brother-in-law got annoyed, walked over to them and told them the following:

You can't say that you know latin without knowing the meaning of cunningulus and fellatio.

When asked for said meaning, he sent them to his hate-teacher who happened to teach latin.
mikekearn wrote:You even have an appropriate shirt. Excellent.

ibtrippen
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Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2008 1:02 am UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

6th period AP Calculus. Friend has just snorted a line of sour powder from the sour Skittles I was eating.
Friend: It burns! It burns!

Friend doing a presentation on phobias:
Wendy: What's wrong?
Audience: The doll you brought in, it's head is on backwards.
Wendy: I'll fix that. *crack* [she twists the head on correctly]
Audience: AAh! It turns?
Wendy: It's not really connected to anything. *pop* [she takes it off to show]

O-Chem lab: What should I do when I spill concentrated acid on my hands? [note: her hands were already turning yellow]
With the Persian army in "300" I'd have killed Leonidas in an hour.

Janjianel
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

My Earth Science class is working on a lab and a student was talking about our math teacher. Suddenly, the room gets that extremely awkward silent moment, right when he says, "I think (_____) is a vampire."

Nosferatu
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Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:31 am UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

We were sitting in a Science class and we were about to begin a prac which involved us using salt water. The teacher had prepared a big beaker of said water when he was talking to the class about the prac, he did this by pouring large amounts of salt into the water filled beaker as you do. He then put the big container of salt down next to the beaker as he is finished explaining what he was and asks "Are there any question before we begin?". A girl quickly puts her hand in the air and asks "Did you go to the beach to get that?" pointing at the beaker. My friends and I are at this point laughing our heads off and are about ready to do some serious face desk-ing.
Real terror is not the sight of death, it is the fear of death. What is the fear of death? Terror of the unknown.

Ralith
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

One of the preps who looks like she has implants is in my science class. We were doing an icecream making lab, where we brought milk and various other things, and had to shake it together in a bag with ice.

She yells at the top of her lungs, halfway through class.. ,"HOW YAH LIKE MY MILKSHAKES BABY!?!"

I am a 14 year old who types at 60 words per minute and can read at a post-college level.
http://www.triond.com/users/ralith

MarcyMarc
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

"Not to be judgemental, but you're an idiot."

10th grade LA 2 Honors class
marcYɔɹɐɯ

wst
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Not really awesome, but it did create laughter.

We were all eating cake in physics, and a girl from one of the other schools was brought into the room by a teacher, for a trial day. She had her uniform on.

G: Alice
T: What school do you go to?
G: Dame Alice
I make a little *badum-tiss* noise and everyone who heard it (not the teacher, not Alice) looks at me and laughs.

I said it because she was in her uniform and he asked what school she went to, I only noticed the name thing later. And everyone thought the same thing at the same time.
Anything I said pre-2014 that you want to quote me on, just run it past me to check I still agree with myself.

Wolfy
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Not sure if anybody else will find this funny but out Scholar Bowl went to a local TV game show called High Q where 2 teams of four compete by answering trivia questions. One team sits on top, the other below them so while we were waiting to go on we all watched the show. Near our turn our teacher came up to us and this conversation ensued

Teacher: "Do you guys want top or bottom?"
Everybody else: (Talking amongst themselves about what they want)
Me: (after slowly turning around to face the group) "That depends on what the context is, I'm a top-man myself."

Shakleton
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Wolfy wrote:Not sure if anybody else will find this funny but out Scholar Bowl went to a local TV game show called High Q where 2 teams of four compete by answering trivia questions. One team sits on top, the other below them so while we were waiting to go on we all watched the show. Near our turn our teacher came up to us and this conversation ensued

Teacher: "Do you guys want top or bottom?"
Everybody else: (Talking amongst themselves about what they want)
Me: (after slowly turning around to face the group) "That depends on what the context is, I'm a top-man myself."

mikekearn wrote:You even have an appropriate shirt. Excellent.

Skizzle
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:58 pm UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Pupil starts bragging over a particular haircut he's just got. Pupil asks;
'What do you think sir?'
Teacher replies
'I think that on a scale of 0 to ugly you are munting...'

Monika
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

He's what? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=munting says something about digging out corpses and ... don't read the rest if you have eaten today.
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Why Two Kay
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Monika wrote:He's what? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=munting says something about digging out corpses and ... don't read the rest if you have eaten today.

This is one of those things that just should not exist.
tl;dr - I said nothing important.

Marz
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Teacher: "Could you name a condition?"
Student: "'C'?"
Teacher: "No, that's a state."
Student: "You're a state."

Ajtucker22
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

My friend told me this one, still makes me laugh.

He was in woodshop when the teacher asked how much everyone thought the piece of wood weighed. So everyone said there answer, and my friend goes
"5 dollars, bob."
no one got the joke. The teacher was not amused.

gmm
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

A girl in my class said just the other day that you can climb Mount Cock in New Zealand. She somehow failed to see that it's Cook, not Cock, which was quite funny.
"Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education." – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Monika
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Ajtucker22 wrote:My friend told me this one, still makes me laugh.

He was in woodshop when the teacher asked how much everyone thought the piece of wood weighed. So everyone said there answer, and my friend goes
"5 dollars, bob."
no one got the joke. The teacher was not amused.

Explain.
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Ajtucker22
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Monika wrote:
Ajtucker22 wrote:My friend told me this one, still makes me laugh.

He was in woodshop when the teacher asked how much everyone thought the piece of wood weighed. So everyone said there answer, and my friend goes
"5 dollars, bob."
no one got the joke. The teacher was not amused.

Explain.

I believe he was parodying "The Price Is Right"

Alpha Omicron
Posts: 2765
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:07 pm UTC

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Snowdream wrote:We have a professor named 'Prof Godwin.' We whom who love this professor, [...]

Fix'd.
Here is a link to a page which leverages aggregation of my tweetbook social blogomedia.

i_ll_winn
Posts: 132
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Someone decided to cut out a male genitalia out of wood and make a necklace out of it.
So my friend goes up to him and says, "Why do you have a penis around your neck?" Hew replies that it is his lucky charm and he dipped it into some holy water so I say "You put your penis in holy water? Thats like T-bagging god."
There is no enemy anywhere, only idiots with weapons.
My life is worthless, how I affect others is priceless.
Spoiler:

Chfan
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Location: American East Coast

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Today in Japanese "class" (I won't go into details) we were assigned 10 hiragana to learn. We've already done ten, so when the teacher stopped and asked how many that was, my friend piped up,

"Fifteen?"

He's a smart guy, but he talks as he thinks. I replied:

"Dude. Math skillz."

...

Okay, so maybe you had to be there.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

HarleyQuinn
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

*Math*
The teacher was going very fast and doing 7 steps but only explaining one part and everyone was struggling to keep up and irritated.
Student: Wait, but, where'd you get that? How'd you do that part?
Other Student: *Whips around* With magic, ok? with fucking magic.
Magnanimous wrote:I used to be really into nostalgia a few years ago. Man, those were the days.

joshz
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

We were at lunch playing would you rather. I don't remember who said what, so I'll just use student 1, 2, and 3.

Student 1: Would you rather eat or rape a baby?
Student 2: That depends. Could you use ketchup?
Student 3 (completely serious-sounding): For which one?
You, sir, name? wrote:If you have over 26 levels of nesting, you've got bigger problems ... than variable naming.
suffer-cait wrote:it might also be interesting to note here that i don't like 5 fingers. they feel too bulky.

bigarchguy
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

During a psych discussion, the topic of domestic violence came up. The professor asked my friend to weigh in on the subject (randomly called on him), to which he replied "I'd rather not, since i know for a lot of people this hits close to home." My eyes watered from trying to hold in the laughter.

logoseph
Posts: 6
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Location: Texas

Re: Awesome Student Quotes

I have had three main opportunities at my school to observe hilarious student quotes:
1) our weekly Monday "chapel." My private school has a very religious administration and a decidedly sarcastic, irreligious student body. Combine that with our new reverend's tendency to ask for audience participation with questions about his latest "inspirational" video, it gets... interesting. There have been many, but hands down the best was after a video about a twelve year-old who's climbed Mt. McKinley, and cried when he reached the top. The reverend asked what we could learn from the video, and one student (this isn't the best) responds sarcastically that "if you need to cry, you should cry." Everyone laughs, but the Rev, totally straight-faced, agrees and asks (this is a direct quote) "Yes, but what's important here is, I mean, what are those tears connected to?

One Senior raises his hand and yells "his FACE?"
No one heard the next five minutes of the sermon over the laughter.

2) In our AP Spanish class, several of the students do their homework by using Google Translate, or other similar literal translation devices. One day, the assignment was simply to find the translations of a list of idiomatic expressions, and one girl came up with some gems like "play the ball cup game" for bowling, but before she said her translation of play hopscotch, another girl mockingly muttered "play the foot-jumpy game."

3) For my creative writing class I had to keep a list. Odd thing is, they all made sense in context, but they're all too long to explain. So, here are a few of the best:

"Ice cream is not a penis."
"The w's mimic the sound of pizza."
"My toenails are politically oppressed?"
"She was eaten by elves."
And, no sexual implication intended by the speaker, "I bet Jesus could eat himself."
Logos: the appeal to logic and reason in traditional Aristotelian argumentation
(Although on this forum everyone probably already knew that)

joshz
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Two quotes involving the same person:
Teacher: [NAME], what letter is this?
Student (not joking around): FOUR!

And randomly in the middle of math class today:
"It smells like ant killer in here."
You, sir, name? wrote:If you have over 26 levels of nesting, you've got bigger problems ... than variable naming.
suffer-cait wrote:it might also be interesting to note here that i don't like 5 fingers. they feel too bulky.

Why Two Kay
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Teacher: And so on line 15 the pacing of this poem is controlled by the... [waits for answer]
Female Student: The dot-comma thing!
Me: *facepalm*
Teacher: *facepalm*
Everybody Else: *laughs*

(She was talking about a semi-colon.)
tl;dr - I said nothing important.

Chfan
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Re: Awesome Student Quotes

Why Two Kay wrote:Teacher: And so on line 15 the pacing of this poem is controlled by the... [waits for answer]
Female Student: The dot-comma thing!
Me: *facepalm*
Teacher: *facepalm*
Everybody Else: *laughs*

(She was talking about a semi-colon.)

Ah. To be completely honest, I was trying to combine a comma and a period and all i could think was, "THAT'S STILL A COMMA!!!"
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.