Awesome Teacher Quotes

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walkerm930
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby walkerm930 » Wed Apr 07, 2010 4:00 am UTC

my grade 10 science teacher once said:
if you know doe you can figure out hoe and get hi

the whole class started laughing

sh was talking about the equations for curved mirrors
(M = di/do = hi/ho)
In the gospel according to trig there are 3 primary rules: sin θ = x/h , cos θ = y/h and tan θ = x/y. These rules are not open to interpretation and are to be treated as law.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Wed Apr 07, 2010 4:28 pm UTC

And die?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby walkerm930 » Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:56 am UTC

that too. And there was a minor rewording by the guy who sits beside me...
if you got the dough you can get the hoe and get hi(and then die)
In the gospel according to trig there are 3 primary rules: sin θ = x/h , cos θ = y/h and tan θ = x/y. These rules are not open to interpretation and are to be treated as law.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mclaughlin129 » Thu Apr 08, 2010 2:27 am UTC

My freshman year world history teacher was a recent college graduate who didn't know when to stop going on tangents which gave for some good quotes.
When asked about what religion he practiced he said "I'm a satanist who sacrifices students every friday night after the football games. Do you want to join me?"
He told us a story about him climbing trees and telling friends passing by that "This is God. God wants you to do (teacher's name)'s homework"
On World War One: "Belgians are like hobbits - they look easy to beat but piss them off and you're in a world of hurt." We spent the rest of the class debating that analogy and what each country would be.
When describing witch burnings "They turned witches into human tiki torches."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby tototutu » Sat Apr 10, 2010 10:05 am UTC

anatomy prof. :"vaginas are virtual spaces... well... i hope for you they are not always virtual..."
french teach in high school: "my leg hurts so much i couldn't correct your papers.." (he would tell us so each week, for the same paper...)
math teach in high school: "i'm the only one authorized to do the beatings here, if you mind."
math prof "Napier, best known for the Napier Scotch Whisky, and also for the neperian logarithm..."
bio assistant about dissecting the urogenital system of the male rat :"like in an american movie, today you will see LOTS OF SEX AND BLLOD!!!!! *screaming wildly in front of 800 people*"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby wasp » Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:17 am UTC

My Calc 3 prof, Horak, told us an anecdote about Indian tea and Chinese tea. How do you make Indian tea? You grow tea plants, harvest and dry the leaves, put them in water, etc. How do you make Chinese tea? You take Indian tea and put it in a box that says Chinese tea. I chuckled, but he insisted that on this occasion he was being very serious. The point is that it's easier to solve a new problem by first making it look like a problem you've already solved. I still think it was funny, and possibly a subtle jab at Chinese products in general. Sorry about being all on one line; this is on my phone. There was also my German teacher who asked us for a four letter word for intercourse. The response she was looking for was 'talk!'

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:13 pm UTC

We're getting a new chemistry teacher tomorrow. I have a feeling she will require an entry in this thread. HOWEVER! if she's terrible then I shall go to the other teacher thread. The one about them as cannot teach.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Secateurs » Wed Apr 14, 2010 8:14 am UTC

Our physics teacher gave us a list of steps to run through when solving a problem with objects in static equilibrium.
"And don't forget step 8. Enjoy the smug satisfied feeling you get from solving a wordy question that looks very complicated. That step is the same for the entire physics course, by the way."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby She » Thu Apr 22, 2010 4:11 pm UTC

Not a quote, but there's a math/physics teacher at my school that recently stayed after school to play board games with me and a few friends. We play every Tuesday, and hopefully he'll keep coming there. He's pretty cool.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby modularblues » Thu Apr 22, 2010 5:33 pm UTC

AP U.S. History teacher was explaining the sectional differences between the Union and the Confederates when he said "the sexual -- I mean -- sectional" ...

We all took the Freudian slip in strides.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby kernelpanic » Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:04 pm UTC

Today in chemistry we were looking at the fact that sodium benzoate reacts with vitamin C (both in soft drinks) and makes benzene (which is toxic), so the teacher said "See, this is why you should just stick to beer, it's good for you".
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby khanofmongols » Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:05 pm UTC

This isn't an exact quote but my math teacher said of prom.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Secateurs » Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:56 am UTC

kernelpanic wrote:Today in chemistry we were looking at the fact that sodium benzoate reacts with vitamin C (both in soft drinks) and makes benzene (which is toxic), so the teacher said "See, this is why you should just stick to beer, it's good for you".
That sounds like the sort of excuse my last chem teacher would make.

In physics today, we were filling in a table where one of the rows was just the sum of the previous two rows. I did this while the teacher was talking, because I was bored. Then he asked us to fill in the row. Because I was done, I just kind of stared into space for a little while.
Teacher: Are you done already?
Me: Yes.
Teacher: Oh, that's alright then. I just thought you enjoyed looking at me. You know, whatever gets you off.

My friends and I were too stunned to laugh at first, but he finally realised what he said and amended it to 'whatever makes you happy'.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Korrente » Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:30 pm UTC

Band Director:
"I'm giving you ONE! THREE! And you're giving me NO! NO!"
"Are you from Moscow? 'Cause you're Rushin'"

Flight instructor, after seeing the video of the Aztec overrunning at St. Barts:
"Man, you gotta wonder what he was thinking just then. But seriously, what was he thinking?!"

Professor, describing engines:
"It's intake, power- er, intake, compression, exhaust- gah. It's Suck Squeeze Bang Blow."
"At this point, your aircraft has experienced what we call "Catastrophic Disassembly."

Most awful quote, from my sophomore English teacher:
"I hope you like your Jews extra crispy..."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Chfan » Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:44 pm UTC

kernelpanic wrote:Today in chemistry we were looking at the fact that sodium benzoate reacts with vitamin C (both in soft drinks) and makes benzene (which is toxic), so the teacher said "See, this is why you should just stick to beer, it's good for you".


I believe that they put a third thing in to stop benzene from forming. I forget where I read it, though, so I can't do any fact-checking.
Just FYI, the guy isn't avatar isn't me. But he seems pretty cool.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby 01000011 » Sun May 02, 2010 5:57 pm UTC

Ha, my physics teacher is an XKCD fan (After I introduced him to it 8) ) and so for my homework the other day I printed off a relevant comic and the alt text and handed it in, it was the 'Spirit' comic.

Me: Sir can you check my homework? I don't think I did I right :\
*Teacher takes homework and opens it*
Teacher: Heh. XKCD. Very good.
*Teacher studies the comic then reads the alt-text part*
Teacher: WHAT?! I didn't know it'd become a stationary space station!!! That's made me quite sad now :cry:

He walked away with a sad, rather sorrowful look on his face... then returned a few minutes later with a pigs eye to show us.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby BurningLed » Mon May 03, 2010 11:14 pm UTC

Really more of an accident than an intentional quote, but this:

"Faculty and staff, if you have not recieved your bloodborne pathogens *cut out* cut in* report to the office for your own set."
And, five minutes later: " We apologize, we're having some trouble with the system. What we meant to say is, if you have not received your bloodborne pathogens safety video, please report to the office for your own set."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby squareroot » Tue May 04, 2010 4:36 am UTC

There are two kids in my science class who don't believe in global warming. I could give all sorts of ridiculous quotes from them, but I won't.

Anyway, we'd had somewhat of a debate about global warming on Thursday (Monday today). So today, it was briefly mentioned, and the teacher suggested it was cause by "Mexican immigrants". (Just in joking, though.)

A bit later, the Gulf oil spill came up, and the teacher mentioned that there was one type of animal that was taking over there. He asked us to guess what it was. Some people guessed tuna, some people guess sharks, one person guessed turtles, one person guess oysters... He then told us it was that it true, it's a very simple animal with little to no intelligence, drifting and eating. Then one person yelled: "REDNECKS!"

:D
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Wed May 05, 2010 1:11 pm UTC

*teacher given a shiny pen to use* "Oooh, this is shiny! *waves at it* Hello little me!"
"I like to be understood whenever I open my mouth; I have a horror of blinding people with science"- Richard Dawkins
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TaintedDeity wrote:And all I get is this tame space dragon. Where's my recognition?!
A tame dragon is its own reward.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Secateurs » Wed May 05, 2010 2:32 pm UTC

In chem, explaining why ionisation energy increases with decreasing atomic radius:
Teacher: Can you see me?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Clearly?
Student: Er... yes.
Teacher: Then you must be attracted to me.
(Our teacher was the nucleus, student was a valence electron. Seeing as, the day before, we'd all burst out laughing at him saying he was 'available, accessible, reliable, and effective', we pretty much lost it.)
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby skselby » Wed May 05, 2010 3:25 pm UTC

College Wind Ensemble conductor after one of the trumpet players admitted to a sour note:

She would make a good Chinese communist; willing to confess her sins with alacrity before the community

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby bluestripe » Wed May 05, 2010 9:58 pm UTC

I had an organic chem teacher in college who said this:

This molecule is real big and bulky, like Richard Simmons' wet dream.


No one laughed at first, but eventually there were a few embarrassed chuckles.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby GlaucusConstantine » Thu May 06, 2010 8:19 pm UTC

I remember, way back in 6th grade, we were looking at very obvious 'algebraic' stuff.
It was really sad, completing idiotically obvious statements such as 3x + 5x = 8x.

Then the math teacher was going over the answers (i.e. reading them all out in a list.)
'p' plus 'p' equals two times 'p'. To p, or not, to p; that is the question, when you wake up in the middle of th...


Being then at the maturity of 6th graders, we totally lost it by then.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mmmcannibalism » Thu May 06, 2010 9:20 pm UTC

GlaucusConstantine wrote:I remember, way back in 6th grade, we were looking at very obvious 'algebraic' stuff.
It was really sad, completing idiotically obvious statements such as 3x + 5x = 8x.

Then the math teacher was going over the answers (i.e. reading them all out in a list.)
'p' plus 'p' equals two times 'p'. To p, or not, to p; that is the question, when you wake up in the middle of th...


Being then at the maturity of 6th graders, we totally lost it by then.


Awesome
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby reddealer » Fri May 07, 2010 12:08 am UTC

This one is not first hand, but I thought worthwhile anyway. When I was visiting grad schools, people at Columbia mentioned a Prof in Quantum Field Theory who would regularly complete the first 90% of a problem or example and then finish off by saying "...and the rest is just High School Quantum Mechanics."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Fri May 07, 2010 10:55 am UTC

reddealer wrote: "...and the rest is just High School Quantum Mechanics."

:lol:


Maybe he was not from the US. We did a bit of quantum mechanics in thirteenth grade "basic physics" class. But no relativity theory :cry: . Only the "advanced physics" class did that. Physics is optional after 10th grade in most states (choice out of physics, biology, chemistry typically), and more than half of the students attend high schools that end after 10th or sometimes even 9th grade and then do vocational training, so not everybody learns this.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Fri May 07, 2010 4:19 pm UTC

I go to school in the US and we briefly covered quantum mechanics in 9th grade. Very briefly.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Fri May 07, 2010 4:44 pm UTC

I have a whole module on wave-particle duality that I need to be revising. The exam is about 5 weeks away.
"I like to be understood whenever I open my mouth; I have a horror of blinding people with science"- Richard Dawkins
Weeks wrote:
TaintedDeity wrote:And all I get is this tame space dragon. Where's my recognition?!
A tame dragon is its own reward.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby reddealer » Sat May 08, 2010 9:50 pm UTC

I don't think it was any material any high school curriculum would in its right mind cover anywhere. I just find it funny how in math and sometimes physics we come to trivialize the things we already know how to do.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Sun May 09, 2010 5:06 am UTC

student wrote:It's way to expensive to have all the court stuff. We should just kill them right then and there.
teacher wrote:Who are you, Hammurabi?
(This was from a while ago while we were discussing capital punishment in world history, not long after we learned about Hammurabi's Code and all that stuff.)

teacher wrote:I love getting high. Don't tell your parents I said that.
(Health teacher, while talking about endorphins.)

teacher wrote:One day I'm gonna make a multiple choice test where all the answers are "A". You'll all think, "Wait, no, these can't all be A's," and end up failing.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Secateurs » Sun May 09, 2010 5:12 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
teacher wrote:One day I'm gonna make a multiple choice test where all the answers are "A". You'll all think, "Wait, no, these can't all be A's," and end up failing.
Chem teacher last year attempted to do that in one of his tests (except all Ds). The other teachers made him change one to an A.

I hate the fact that I fell for it, and changed one of my answers because I didn't think it could be so many Ds. It was the only mark that I lost.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Thu May 20, 2010 1:14 am UTC

Today in history, the teacher showed us a Powerpoint containing a bunch of Renaissance paintings. Finally, we got to The Birth of Venus. There were a few funny quotes, but a picture is worth a thousand words.
Spoiler:
Image
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Nicad » Thu May 20, 2010 3:37 am UTC

In my school, most rooms are actually just half of a room with a divider down the middle. They let a lot of sound through. While taking a test, we suddenly heard the teacher in the next room banging on the desk and yelling as if he was infuriated (he wasn't, he just really gets into the subject matter). My teacher calls the next room, we hear the phone ring on the other side of the wall, the yelling stops, and my teacher says "we're taking a test" in a perfectly calm voice. He then proceeds to bang on one of the desks and yell in our room, sending both classrooms into fits of laughter. I am not sure if anyone finished the test.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby hintss » Thu May 20, 2010 4:00 am UTC

the same social studies teacher always yells at the 4th period due to our excessive talking. Once, due to a late start at the high school (blame geometry), I could hear her yelling from about 20 ft away through a solid wall.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Thu May 20, 2010 9:17 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:Today in history, the teacher showed us a Powerpoint containing a bunch of Renaissance paintings. Finally, we got to The Birth of Venus. There were a few funny quotes, but a picture is worth a thousand words.
Spoiler:
Image

Did the teacher show it like this? For fun? Or because he didn't wnat to show a nekkid woman?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MotorToad » Thu May 20, 2010 8:41 pm UTC

Secateurs wrote:I hate the fact that I fell for it, and changed one of my answers because I didn't think it could be so many Ds. It was the only mark that I lost.[/size]
Try a spoiler. Size=50 is fucking annoying.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby cjmcjmcjmcjm » Thu May 20, 2010 9:14 pm UTC

"You beautiful young Americans, sit down and shut up!"
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Thu May 20, 2010 9:35 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
TheChewanater wrote:Today in history, the teacher showed us a Powerpoint containing a bunch of Renaissance paintings. Finally, we got to The Birth of Venus. There were a few funny quotes, but a picture is worth a thousand words.
Spoiler:
Image

Did the teacher show it like this? For fun? Or because he didn't wnat to show a nekkid woman?

He didn't want to show a nekkid woman.

Also, since earlier that class I had shown him that Ctrl+Scroll zooms, he kept zooming in and out of that picture. The chem teacher in the room got really excited.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Vieto » Fri May 21, 2010 1:23 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:Today in history, the teacher showed us a Powerpoint containing a bunch of Renaissance paintings. Finally, we got to The Birth of Venus. There were a few funny quotes, but a picture is worth a thousand words.
Spoiler:
Image

Your bikini fails to cover up the woman on the left.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby animeHrmIne » Fri May 21, 2010 2:06 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Monika wrote:
TheChewanater wrote:Today in history, the teacher showed us a Powerpoint containing a bunch of Renaissance paintings. Finally, we got to The Birth of Venus. There were a few funny quotes, but a picture is worth a thousand words.
Spoiler:
Image

Did the teacher show it like this? For fun? Or because he didn't wnat to show a nekkid woman?

He didn't want to show a nekkid woman.

Did he realize there was a naked breast on the woman on the left?
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