OK, my turn. This game might be "Very Old" (aka before 1985)...
* System: PC. DOS-based.
* Year: Mid-80's to very early 90's.
* Art style: 16-color.
* Environment: Dying a lot! Everything killed you.
* Mood: Darkly comedic.
* Genre: Text Adventure.
* Gameplay: Multiple choice (single letter or number input), IIRC. (Possibly a simple text parser.)
It came to our home computer in the early 90's (1990-1992ish) on a floppy disk from a co-worker of my dad's. So for all I know, if it's not findable out there, it was programmed by a friend of a friend of his and never published, but I doubt it. There were a few other games I distinctly remember being on the disk: one was the rougelike Castle Adventure
(1984), which I loved, but was [virtually] unbeatable due to the monsters not being adapted for our faster processor speeds. Another was a Civil War simulator where you just picked how many troops and how much money to invest in each battle. There was one called GTW based on WarGames. There was also a 3-D game of Pac-man, where you were in the maze and used the arrow keys, and was animated very simply, but fun.
ANYWAY, this game I'm looking for:
* Background: It was a classic text adventure game, likely compiled from Q Basic (although GWBasic would have also been possible I suppose), with flashing gaudy 16-choice colors for the text and the background color (different for each cluster of locations.) I don't think it had a parser, though - every page was multiple-choice response, IIRC. (I might be wrong about this, though... it's possible only some of the screens were like this, and the rest was a simple text parser.) So, with only a relatively small finite number of games to play, the game should have been easily winnable by trial and error. Except that I don't think the game was at all winnable (at least I never found the solution!) but was instead a way for you to die in myriad ways. Always with the flashing quote, "IGNOMINIOUSLY, YOU DIE!"
Specific things I remember:
The starting location was a swamp. A troll in a speedboat is barreling down on you, and if you don't dive underwater, you die. It's easier to list what to do to not die, really... anyway, you go underwater, and you're apparently in a sewer with train tracks. If you stay too long, you get run over by a "pig
(not the oinking kind)." You come to a room with three boxes: one cardboard, one aluminum, and one lead. The lead one has a lump of plutonium in it; I forget what was in the other two, but one probably had a key in it, or gold you needed later, or something like that. Somehow you get to an elevator, which gives you a dozen or so choices. The top choice is an alpine cliff; you can grab onto a pterodactyl and hang-glide for a while. If you jump off at the right point, you land in a cave with a bear. Etc. Etc. At some point you can get onto a life raft in the ocean, surrounded by "lawyers (sharks)."
Anybody have a clue?
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.