Childfree

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setzer777
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Childfree

Postby setzer777 » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:00 am UTC

Just wondering if anyone else here identifies as childfree*. I've felt that way for many years now, and I finally solidified the decision with a vasectomy. I was amazed at how elated I felt leaving the office. Oddly enough, because I've so definitively made the decision, I've started sometimes worrying about worst-case scenarios of recanalization and pregnancy**.


*Well, I guess I already know that Belial and Meaux Pas do.

**I know this is ridiculous - after I'm cleared the odds are something like 1 in 4000, and since my girlfriend plans to stay on the pill that brings it to something like 1 in 1,000,000 (I'm not sure about this, since pill failure is measured per-year while I think vasectomy failure is measured on how many vasectomies ever fail).***

***Okay, I realize that this post is more footnote than actual post.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Belial » Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:00 pm UTC

Well, I guess I already know that Belial and Meaux Pas do.


Recognize.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Adam H » Thu Sep 13, 2012 2:46 pm UTC

My wife and I are considering being partly childfree, I think. We'd like to foster and possibly adopt, but we probably won't make a baby the old-fashioned way.

The wikipedia page on childfree doesn't mention fostering or adopting, so I'm not sure what childfree means exactly. And I wouldn't say I identify with the term childfree because I like kids and I want to coach/teach/mentor. Childfree makes it sound like kids are a ball and chain that drag you down. :)

But I don't have this instinct to pass on my genes, which a lot of people don't seem to understand... and I think my wife sometimes feels judged for not have that baby-loving instinct that apparently all women must have.
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Re: Childfree

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Sep 13, 2012 9:39 pm UTC

Heh. My wife went from wanting three or four in highschool to NO BABIEZ EVAR now.

We figure, much like Adam H, that if we want one, we'll go pick up a 3-5 year old and just skip the whole diaper stage.
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Re: Childfree

Postby poxic » Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:23 am UTC

I'm probably "weakly childfree" rather than "strongly" so. There has never been a point in my life where I thought "now is a good time to have a child", though I have sometimes regretted that in a way.

Physically (kidney disease) and emotionally (mother was not a nurturing person), I'm just not cut out to raise a healthy kid. I've always known that. I've seen how much energy and commitment it takes to raise one or more children. I've also seen how rewarding it can be, and I'm sad that I won't have that kind of experience.

If life had taken different turns, I might have been all for having kids, and might have even seen a grandchild by now (if my children got busy early, damn kids, I offered to pay for the pill but nooooo, they had to ... ah, 'scuse. Wrong worldline).
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Re: Childfree

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:31 am UTC

I plan on getting sterilized as soon as I can without a hassle. By all accounts doing so when my age (21) is more trouble than it's worth.

Though I've gone back and forth on adoption/fostering I can't remember *ever* wanting to pass on my genetic material. It seems unnecessary at best, and irresponsible at worst.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Wednesday » Fri Sep 14, 2012 2:36 am UTC

Stroooooooongly childfree, representin'.

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Re: Childfree

Postby (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ » Fri Sep 14, 2012 2:45 am UTC

Thanks for the name drop, bro.
I do indeed never want the babies, and at 30 i have only 5 years before i can give people a stern look and say, "I've never had children, on purpose." And then they will walk away and leave me alone about it, because i can imply a societal and medical understanding that says i'm too old now. They being my mom.

I used to think i'd adopt if i ever wanted kids. At this point i don't see that happening.
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Re: Childfree

Postby bluebambue » Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:51 am UTC

Virtual_Aardvark wrote:I plan on getting sterilized as soon as I can without a hassle. By all accounts doing so when my age (21) is more trouble than it's worth.
I got sterilized when I was 22 and it was super hassle free. Got a recommendation for a surgeon from my regular doc, went in to talk to surgeon and had a conversation, went in a second time to get some normal prep tests done, and went in for procedure.

It probably helped that I have a good relationship with my normal doc who was able to vouch for my maturity to the surgeon.

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Re: Childfree

Postby Apparently Anonymous » Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:09 am UTC

I like kids, and I think I'd want to have the responsibility for one or more at some point, but adoption seems like the best alternative for me - it seems to me that there are enough kids in the world already that need parents, and neither pregnancy nor childbirth seem like something I'd enjoy. That being said, I recognize I'm still pretty young and might change my mind, but as of now I feel no need whasoever to pass down my genes or anything like that.

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Re: Childfree

Postby maydayp » Sat Sep 15, 2012 3:49 pm UTC

I'm child free. though no one in my family believes me, they all think I'll change my mind 'cause I'm only 22

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Re: Childfree

Postby ShortChelsea » Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:13 pm UTC

I want to be child-free, but I feel like I can't can't call myself child-free until I'm older, or married-I'm only twenty. I love children, and I want to be a child psychologist, but I don't want them for myself.

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Re: Childfree

Postby Shivahn » Sat Sep 15, 2012 4:25 pm UTC

You can call yourself childfree whenever you want.

We don't stop people who say "I want to be a mother someday" at 20 and tell them they're going to change their minds and can't identify some way.

Or.. when they're ten, or six, or any other age :roll:

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Re: Childfree

Postby podbaydoor » Sun Sep 16, 2012 3:01 pm UTC

I want to travel and drink and dance and fuck and also sit quietly at home reading books when I wish to. Children would change all that and I'm not ready to give it up, if ever. Too selfish, probably.

I might adopt someday. Skipping the diaper stage sounds pretty excellent to me, too.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Shivahn » Sun Sep 16, 2012 3:56 pm UTC

Yeah, I would call myself childfree, I think, but I'm not averse to having older children. What I'm really, really averse to is making one. I wouldn't inflict existence on my worst enemies.

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Re: Childfree

Postby blue_eyedspacemonkey » Sun Sep 16, 2012 3:57 pm UTC

Childfree over here! I just don't want kids, and I certainly don't have the emotional stability to raise kids.

I keep thinking about looking up getting sterilised in the UK, now I'm approaching 25 I think I might start thinking about it seriously.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Zarq » Sun Sep 16, 2012 4:25 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I want to travel and drink and dance and fuck and also sit quietly at home reading books when I wish to. Children would change all that and I'm not ready to give it up, if ever. Too selfish, probably.


This is pretty much my stance on the subject too.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Sungura » Sun Sep 16, 2012 8:41 pm UTC

Some kids are ok. Most people think I am amazing with children and wonder how many I want to have! 25 and extremely little desire for kids. I basically raised my younger brother, and had to take care of my mom, prettymuch since the age of 12. Recently got freedom to do what *I* want to do with my life. I've already nurtured and raised folk, I'm good, thanks! Also a few bad genetics, which is usually what I give as an excuse when someone pesters me about it (although in reality since we know what to look for, could find it definitely within 12 weeks after conception maybe even sooner, so I'd probably not have to deal with stillborn/deathly/extreme sickley type). I learned saying I have some really bad genes makes people shut up a lot more than "nah I'm having fun traveling and stuff right now I don't want a kid to raise at the moment" because apparently that makes me a horrible woman. :roll: However, I'm not ready to make the jump to something perminately stop the baby-making, being in a good relationship and I do recognize a miniscule amount of truth in the "maybe one day I will want a kid of my own", so because there is that 1% in me saying "yeah, a kid of my own could be cool" so long as that is there, I'm not going to do anything permanent. If I hit 30 and still dont want a kid? Yeah, then maybe it's time. Basically, my current IUD is up in 3 years. I'll get another one after that. By the time that's done, I'll make such a call. Only reason I'll move up that decision is if my ladybits act up horribly again like they did for years earlier, and I can't get them back under control. Then, fuck it.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Magnanimous » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:10 pm UTC

I sort of like children, but I don't know how well-rounded one would end up if I had to raise them... Plus, I switch the students I tutor fairly frequently; I don't know if I could commit to one person for that long. And unless I have some sort of amazing genome, I'm not particularly interested in making more of me.

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Re: Childfree

Postby Izawwlgood » Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:27 pm UTC

I'm kind of torn on the matter (and I hope posting in this thread is ok, I don't want to make it sound like I'm disrespecting those who identify as childfree). I don't feel genetically I have anything special to offer humanity (aside from my ridiculously good looks, obviously), and I'd hope that I would be able to care for a hypothetical adopted child with the same love and care I'd pay to a hypothetical child generated from the fruit of my loins. But I dunno; emotions are messy.

I think I love interacting with kids, but I'm not so sure anymore. I like my freedom; it presently makes me uncomfortable I own so much furniture that moving is complicated, so, I'm not sure how 'starting a family' would do anything aside from piss me off. I like the idea of providing a developing mind with avenues to pursue wonderment, but recognize that doesn't mean I need to be the one raising them.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Jorpho » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:48 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:You can call yourself childfree whenever you want.

We don't stop people who say "I want to be a mother someday" at 20 and tell them they're going to change their minds and can't identify some way.
Eh, calling myself "childfree" at this point is like making a firm resolution to never buy Ferrari products. There are a whole lot of things that need to fall into place before making a choice as to whether or not to buy a Ferrari even becomes a remote possibility.

Never mind my genetic material; I am terrified primarily of passing on my personal demons to whatever kid has the misfortune of having me around while he grows up. My demons die with me!

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Re: Childfree

Postby maydayp » Mon Sep 17, 2012 5:54 am UTC

Jorpho wrote:
Shivahn wrote:You can call yourself childfree whenever you want.

We don't stop people who say "I want to be a mother someday" at 20 and tell them they're going to change their minds and can't identify some way.
Eh, calling myself "childfree" at this point is like making a firm resolution to never buy Ferrari products. There are a whole lot of things that need to fall into place before making a choice as to whether or not to buy a Ferrari even becomes a remote possibility.

Never mind my genetic material; I am terrified primarily of passing on my personal demons to whatever kid has the misfortune of having me around while he grows up. My demons die with me!

the funny/good thing about labels? they aren't permanent. And ones like these, we assign our selves. So if right now you feel like you are Child Free, then be so (if you want to be), if your opinions change and later you aren't CF then just stop calling yourself that.

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Re: Childfree

Postby setzer777 » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:05 am UTC

Zarq wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:I want to travel and drink and dance and fuck and also sit quietly at home reading books when I wish to. Children would change all that and I'm not ready to give it up, if ever. Too selfish, probably.


This is pretty much my stance on the subject too.


Yeah, for me a big part of it is the desire for lots of peace and solitude. Which I guess is the opposite of the desire for partying and adventure that stereotypically motivates people to not have kids.

Edit: Do you think about what you would do if you did end up with a kid (assuming that abortion is unavailable by circumstance and your partner won't allow adoption)?

To me the scariest thing about admitting that I'm childfree is admitting that if I do end up with a kid I'll probably be very miserable*. With my current partner it would be really tricky since she's in a wheelchair (probably mean me being primary caregiver).


*And I'm not sure I could live with myself if I was a deadbeat.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Jorpho » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:48 pm UTC

maydayp wrote:the funny/good thing about labels? they aren't permanent. And ones like these, we assign our selves. So if right now you feel like you are Child Free, then be so (if you want to be), if your opinions change and later you aren't CF then just stop calling yourself that.
Oh, sure, you can stop calling yourself that – but anyone else who gets wind of it might not be able to drop the label in their minds so easily, and even if they can, they have probably quietly used that label to make assumptions about your character that they have built up in their minds and that may not be so quickly released. That's the bad/terrifying thing about labels.

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Re: Childfree

Postby Menacing Spike » Mon Sep 17, 2012 6:54 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I want to travel and drink and dance and fuck and also sit quietly at home reading books when I wish to. Children would change all that and I'm not ready to give it up, if ever. Too selfish, probably.

I might adopt someday. Skipping the diaper stage sounds pretty excellent to me, too.


Oh podbay! Been ages!

On topic, I don't plan on passing my genetic material, as it is very flawed. Self eugenics, if you will. Sterilisation is envisioned.

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Re: Childfree

Postby zmic » Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:35 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:
Zarq wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:I want to travel and drink and dance and fuck and also sit quietly at home reading books when I wish to. Children would change all that and I'm not ready to give it up, if ever. Too selfish, probably.


This is pretty much my stance on the subject too.


Yeah, for me a big part of it is the desire for lots of peace and solitude. Which I guess is the opposite of the desire for partying and adventure that stereotypically motivates people to not have kids.


My main motivation for remaining childfree is the very real possibility that I might not even *like* my own child.

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Re: Childfree

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:50 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:To me the scariest thing about admitting that I'm childfree is admitting that if I do end up with a kid I'll probably be very miserable*.

I accepted this about myself a long time ago. The scary part is admitting it out loud to other people. And wondering if I'm doing a disservice to humanity every time I encounter a stupid person and realize "they're probably going to pass on their genes."
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Re: Childfree

Postby setzer777 » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:03 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:
setzer777 wrote:To me the scariest thing about admitting that I'm childfree is admitting that if I do end up with a kid I'll probably be very miserable*.

I accepted this about myself a long time ago. The scary part is admitting it out loud to other people. And wondering if I'm doing a disservice to humanity every time I encounter a stupid person and realize "they're probably going to pass on their genes."


Yeah, fortunately I haven't gotten too much criticism yet (not telling my parents helps). I guess to me what's scary about it is the knowledge that short of abstinence (not going to happen), or only sleeping with women who've had hysterectomies, there's no way to absolutely guarantee I won't have a kid. If that happens and my disposition doesn't change in the process, it seems like my only choices are being miserable or being a terrible person.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Роберт » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:24 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:
setzer777 wrote:To me the scariest thing about admitting that I'm childfree is admitting that if I do end up with a kid I'll probably be very miserable*.

I accepted this about myself a long time ago. The scary part is admitting it out loud to other people. And wondering if I'm doing a disservice to humanity every time I encounter a stupid person and realize "they're probably going to pass on their genes."


Yeah, fortunately I haven't gotten too much criticism yet (not telling my parents helps). I guess to me what's scary about it is the knowledge that short of abstinence (not going to happen), or only sleeping with women who've had hysterectomies, there's no way to absolutely guarantee I won't have a kid. If that happens and my disposition doesn't change in the process, it seems like my only choices are being miserable or being a terrible person.

Humans are great at adapting. It's very possible that you could end up choosing to take care of a kid and like it. And I don't mean at all to denigrate your choice of being child-free. It's also possible that you would feel miserable.
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Re: Childfree

Postby setzer777 » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:25 pm UTC

Роберт wrote:
setzer777 wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:
setzer777 wrote:To me the scariest thing about admitting that I'm childfree is admitting that if I do end up with a kid I'll probably be very miserable*.

I accepted this about myself a long time ago. The scary part is admitting it out loud to other people. And wondering if I'm doing a disservice to humanity every time I encounter a stupid person and realize "they're probably going to pass on their genes."


Yeah, fortunately I haven't gotten too much criticism yet (not telling my parents helps). I guess to me what's scary about it is the knowledge that short of abstinence (not going to happen), or only sleeping with women who've had hysterectomies, there's no way to absolutely guarantee I won't have a kid. If that happens and my disposition doesn't change in the process, it seems like my only choices are being miserable or being a terrible person.

Humans are great at adapting. It's very possible that you could end up choosing to take care of a kid and like it. And I don't mean at all to denigrate your choice of being child-free. It's also possible that you would feel miserable.


Oh, absolutely. The thing that scares me is that I know that there's a very real possibility that I wouldn't change - and I'd still be stuck in the same situation.

Edit: You know what? I'm being ungrateful here. Pregnancy used to be an inevitability, but I've received the opportunity to mitigate the risk so much that the odds of my knocking someone up are several thousand to one.
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Re: Childfree

Postby ShortChelsea » Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:33 pm UTC

Do you think about what you would do if you did end up with a kid (assuming that abortion is unavailable by circumstance and your partner won't allow adoption)?

I would try to go around the no-adoption barrier. My boyfriend's sister wants a child, but due to circumstances she doesn't have one. I would try to adopt out to her. If in this hypothetical world that wasn't acceptable either, I would be ruined-I'm a junior in college and having a baby takes time and money. I would probably drop out. If this happened in the future, I think I would be okay. Just surprised, and it would take a lot of rearranging in our lives to get ready. I'm too optimistic about the future.

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Re: Childfree

Postby UniqueScreenname » Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:20 am UTC

SecondTalon wrote:We figure, much like Adam H, that if we want one, we'll go pick up a 3-5 year old and just skip the whole diaper stage.
Funny, I lose all interest in a kid after the age of four. Then they start talking too much and getting not cute.
Shivahn wrote:What I'm really, really averse to is making one. I wouldn't inflict existence on my worst enemies.
And this is what it really comes down to. There's just too much suck and if my kids felt even a tenth of how I feel on a daily basis, I would never forgive myself for letting them be exposed to the vacuous emptiness that is life.

Also, if they were stupid, I would not love them. Also, if it were a boy, I would not love him. 50/50's too big a chance. Yeah, I know I'm a terrible person. Why create more of them?
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Re: Childfree

Postby Jorpho » Wed Sep 19, 2012 9:49 pm UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:Funny, I lose all interest in a kid after the age of four. Then they start talking too much and getting not cute.
Seriously? When they are smelly, screaming, messy, and uncontrollable? Well, to each their own.

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Re: Childfree

Postby mmmCatSoup » Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:30 pm UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote: Also, if it were a boy, I would not love him. 50/50's too big a chance. Yeah, I know I'm a terrible person. Why create more of them?

What do you have against boys?


I wouldn't want a kid because of all the restrictions it places on your life, I really like my freedom. And what if I had a kid, and he/she was born with some kind of special needs/mental disorder? I don't think I could handle that. Yet another reason to adopt I guess. I wont risk having a kid of my own, at least not a biological one. Even if I do have some quality genetic material.

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Re: Childfree

Postby Belial » Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:22 am UTC

mmmCatSoup wrote:What do you have against boys?


They have cooties. Christ, were you not even paying attention in elementary school?
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They/them

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Re: Childfree

Postby The Mighty Thesaurus » Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:34 am UTC

Jorpho wrote:
UniqueScreenname wrote:Funny, I lose all interest in a kid after the age of four. Then they start talking too much and getting not cute.
Seriously? When they are smelly, screaming, messy, and uncontrollable? Well, to each their own.
Perhaps UniqueScreenname would be interested in adopting an undergrad
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Re: Childfree

Postby UniqueScreenname » Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:32 am UTC

As they get older, they lose their cuteness. Without the cuteness, I don't know how much I'd be able to tolerate them. And boys are too much work. I don't have the energy to keep up with them and the things they are interested in bore me to death.
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Re: Childfree

Postby Shivahn » Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:57 am UTC

You could always get lucky and have a girl in a boy suit.

Though I am not sure that that is particularly desireable from an easy to raise standpoint.

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Thesh
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Re: Childfree

Postby Thesh » Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:10 am UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:As they get older, they lose their cuteness. Without the cuteness, I don't know how much I'd be able to tolerate them. And boys are too much work. I don't have the energy to keep up with them and the things they are interested in bore me to death.


http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=lifelike+baby+dolls

I don't like kids until they get to around their early to mid twenties, and then only sometimes. I think I'll pass on having any of my own.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

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Re: Childfree

Postby GoodRudeFun » Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:55 am UTC

I think of myself as childfree, for many of the same reasons listed. I value my freedom, I am slightly selfish and want to dedicate my entire life to my own desires and ambitions. Genetically, I have too many congenital issues that I don't want to pass on. I have extra bones in my feet, missing teeth, and bad eye sight. I also have a host of psychological issues that I would be worried about passing on as well. I know I could avoid the things my parents did that hurt me, but I don't know that I wouldn't still cause some kind of pain. I don't have the patience required, and while I'm not really violent, what if I lost it and hit my kid? And ultimately, I just don't want the responsibility. It simply isn't worth it to me. I don't need to pass on genetic material to feel fulfilled in my life. That will come from helping others, learning, and doing good works. There really isn't any need for me to have a child.

I am considering sterilization, but I know very little about it. I am afraid of possible consequences, like a lowered libido. What are the consequences of sterilization treatments?
Oh. Well that's alright then.


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