Evil Twin Identification

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oracle989
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Evil Twin Identification

Postby oracle989 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:43 am UTC

It is commonly accepted that a goatee is an indicator that one is an evil twin, that much has been established and conclusively proven. However, I find this theory lacking in the case of what we can assume to be a bit over half the overall evil twin population. In other words, what are the markers of the evil twin in females? For that matter, how can one identify the evil twin of a member of either gender if said person is young, too young for the evil one to have facial hair?
Ulc wrote:Evolutionary psychology makes sense yes. But you're not just making a mockery of it here, we're talking full scale orgy abuse while it cries.

I reserve the right to quote you both out of context and incorrectly.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Cloud Walker » Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:53 am UTC

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Kaelri » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:36 am UTC

  • Dark lipstick, eye shadow.
  • Increased propensity for BSDM (relative to Good Twin).
  • Mirthless smile.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Amnesiasoft » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:37 am UTC

oracle989 wrote:too young for the evil one to have facial hair?

Never too young.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby sje46 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:47 am UTC

My twin sister has a goatee.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby pooteeweet » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:48 am UTC

What if the good twin already has a goatee?

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby oracle989 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:50 am UTC

I operate under the assumption that all goateed people are evil.
Ulc wrote:Evolutionary psychology makes sense yes. But you're not just making a mockery of it here, we're talking full scale orgy abuse while it cries.

I reserve the right to quote you both out of context and incorrectly.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby folkhero » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:50 am UTC

There is at least one known counterexample to the hypothesis that the goateed twin is always the evil one.
To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt...

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby BigBoss » Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:18 am UTC

My evil twin has dyed hair. But one of my ears is a little misshapen.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby icanus » Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:42 am UTC

Regardless of facial hair, history tells us that the good twin is always the one who suggests that you just shoot both of them to be sure when you have them both at gunpoint.

also,
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Kewangji » Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:45 am UTC

(might be unpleasant) http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2010/07/clones/

This is also a good way. Some times.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Fume Troll » Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:10 am UTC

Was Mirror, Mirror the first?

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby sje46 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:27 am UTC

pooteeweet wrote:What if the good twin already has a goatee?

Then the evil twin's goatee will havge a goatee. It's goatees all the way down.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby IcedT » Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:26 am UTC

I recently discovered that Joran van der Sloot is my evil twin, so I now suspect that all Dutch people are evil twins. Although I think that goatee'd Dutch people may count as some kind of double-negative.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby pseudoidiot » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:03 pm UTC

oracle989 wrote:I operate under the assumption that all goateed people are evil.
Woo I'm an evil twin!
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Hawknc » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:29 pm UTC

Evil twins seem to often be either wealthier, better educated, or just clones/alternate dimension copies. Of course, you're reading something written by a man with a goatee, so how much do you really trust it?

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Sockmonkey » Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:50 pm UTC

icanus wrote:Regardless of facial hair, history tells us that the good twin is always the one who suggests that you just shoot both of them to be sure when you have them both at gunpoint.

also,
Kaelri wrote:Allison Hannigan

I'll be in my bunk...

Studies show that evil twins are now wise to this trick and will employ it themselves so you will have to actually shoot both.

I shall also be in my bunk.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby pseudoidiot » Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:54 pm UTC

I believe this pertains to the discussion
Spoiler:
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Sockmonkey » Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:01 pm UTC

Too big. Smaller version maybe?

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby tastelikecoke » Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:18 pm UTC

females can also have facial hair.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:19 pm UTC

oracle989 wrote:In other words, what are the markers of the evil twin in females? For that matter, how can one identify the evil twin of a member of either gender if said person is young, too young for the evil one to have facial hair?

More revealing clothing - if she's wearing a dress/skirt, the hemline will be higher, necklines will be lower.

Also :
Hawknc wrote:Evil twins seem to often be either wealthier, better educated, or just clones/alternate dimension copies. Of course, you're reading something written by a man with a goatee, so how much do you really trust it?


Now, the notion that the evil twin wears darker makeup, has an increased propensity for BSDM or the wearing of black leather products, and a mirthless smile... that all really depends on the original. In many cases that is true, but that's simply because the "Good" twin is a chase individual who wears mid-line to conservative dress, in order to show the "Bad side" you'd have an individual who seems to be obviously sexually excited by whips and chains. Good nonsexual or PG-sexual, Evil obviously sexual.. simple reversal.

So if the Good twin was a mentally fit woman involved in a mutually consenting BSDM relationship who wore clothing that both her and her partner liked as it was sexy and made her feel sexy and seemed to have a fairly open outlook on life, sex, personal choice and all that... the Evil twin would wear turtlenecks and, in the US Media at least, be a member of an extremely strict religious organization and possibly a member of the Republican party who makes other Republicans say "You, uh.. might want to tone it down a little"

It's all in opposition. Since our usual good heroes are shown as being nonsexual/PG-sexual (and whatever sex is implied is always fairly straightforward, no-frills.. not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you), the easiest opposite is a more open sexuality that's in to the "weird" stuff... that's safe to talk about. Hence whips and chains, leather and so on, as most people can easily imagine that and not be too freaked out, possibly even share the desire for it... it's something the average person can relate to.

So yeah, once we see more relaxed heroes, the Evil Twins will be all the more conservative - because once you reach a certain point of oddness, anything beyond that becomes opinion, particularly in sexuality.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Amnesiasoft » Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:38 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:the Evil twin would wear turtlenecks and, in the US Media at least, be a member of an extremely strict religious organization and possibly a member of the Republican party who makes other Republicans say "You, uh.. might want to tone it down a little"

Wait, those people aren't already evil? Coulda fooled me!

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:42 pm UTC

Evil is relative.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Zarq » Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:53 pm UTC

But what if there's a twin, and one of them is evil (let's call him Jack) and therefore has a goatee. But one day, the non-evil twin's (let's call him John) chin gets hijacked by the evil twin of the goatee of Jack.

According to the theory stated in this thread, one would assume John is the evil one. However it is Jack who is evil. Ergo: there's no way to be certain.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:55 pm UTC

Sure there is. You observe their behavior and interact with them, and whenever one of them tells you something or makes a promise, you look to see if they grin at the camera while ominous music plays.

That's the evil one.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby IcedT » Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:52 pm UTC

Hawknc wrote:Evil twins seem to often be either wealthier, better educated, or just clones/alternate dimension copies. Of course, you're reading something written by a man with a goatee, so how much do you really trust it?
You have a Mos Def quote in your sig, therefore I can be reasonably sure you're not evil.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby folkhero » Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:40 am UTC

IcedT wrote:
Hawknc wrote:Evil twins seem to often be either wealthier, better educated, or just clones/alternate dimension copies. Of course, you're reading something written by a man with a goatee, so how much do you really trust it?
You have a Mos Def quote in your sig, therefore I can be reasonably sure you're not evil.

What if he's like Plato's perfectly unjust man who appears to be perfectly just? Although I guess the goatee would rule that out. Maybe he doesn't want to appear too just because that would draw attention; he needn't have a real goatee, just claim to have one. I'm just so confused right now.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby oracle989 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:23 am UTC

So what we're down to is you need to just shoot them both in all cases?
Ulc wrote:Evolutionary psychology makes sense yes. But you're not just making a mockery of it here, we're talking full scale orgy abuse while it cries.

I reserve the right to quote you both out of context and incorrectly.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Promicin » Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:02 pm UTC

oracle989 wrote:I operate under the assumption that all goateed people are evil.


As do I. *stares suspiciously at Howie Mandel*

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:08 pm UTC

Promicin wrote:
oracle989 wrote:I operate under the assumption that all goateed people are evil.


As do I. *stares suspiciously at Howie Mandel*
Well.. you should. It's clearly a case of being replaced
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:43 pm UTC

SexyTalon wrote:the Evil twin would wear turtlenecks

Steve jobs has a good twin?




Yes I'm quoting out of context. It's funny, dammit.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:51 pm UTC

nbonaparte wrote:
SexyTalon wrote:the Evil twin would wear turtlenecks
Steve jobs has a good twin?
I'm not implying or insinuating anything, but have you ever noticed that Steve Jobs and Cory Doctorow maintain a healthy distance?
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby B.Good » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:20 pm UTC

What if you are clean-shaven and then grow a goatee? Do you then become your own evil twin?

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Midnight » Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:15 pm UTC

B.Good wrote:What if you are clean-shaven and then grow a goatee? Do you then become your own evil twin?

according to the many-worlds theory, there will be split in the universe and there will be one goatee'd version of you and one clean-shaven version of you, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. and because you'll be goatee'd, you'll have a much stronger propensity for evildoing.

THUS:
YES.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Sarr » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:22 pm UTC

Where do hats come into the evil twin identification process? I ask because my brother has recently started wearing an old fedora of mine - black, as opposed to the brown one I wear when I want to wear a hat. The issue here is that, while I tend to give off a laid-back-jazz-musician vibe (seriously, I've asked people out of the blue and they all tend to answer the same way), he gives more of a government agent/man in black vibe. I'm thinking he's the evil twin, but it got me wondering. Hats, anyone?
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby Josephine » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:56 pm UTC

This is annoying. I read goatse every time I see goatee.
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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby oracle989 » Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:17 am UTC

Sarr wrote:Where do hats come into the evil twin identification process? I ask because my brother has recently started wearing an old fedora of mine - black, as opposed to the brown one I wear when I want to wear a hat. The issue here is that, while I tend to give off a laid-back-jazz-musician vibe (seriously, I've asked people out of the blue and they all tend to answer the same way), he gives more of a government agent/man in black vibe. I'm thinking he's the evil twin, but it got me wondering. Hats, anyone?


Or is he the one everyone thinks is evil until it's revealed that YOU'RE evil and he's trying to stop you?
Ulc wrote:Evolutionary psychology makes sense yes. But you're not just making a mockery of it here, we're talking full scale orgy abuse while it cries.

I reserve the right to quote you both out of context and incorrectly.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby phlip » Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:19 am UTC

icanus wrote:Regardless of facial hair, history tells us that the good twin is always the one who suggests that you just shoot both of them to be sure when you have them both at gunpoint.

Sufficiently genre-savvy evil twins have tried to turn that around, though.

Code: Select all

enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
void ┻━┻︵​╰(ಠ_ಠ ⚠) {exit((int)⚠);}
[he/him/his]

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby icanus » Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:53 am UTC

phlip wrote:
icanus wrote:Regardless of facial hair, history tells us that the good twin is always the one who suggests that you just shoot both of them to be sure when you have them both at gunpoint.

Sufficiently genre-savvy evil twins have tried to turn that around, though.

No we haven't.

...

They. I meant they.

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Re: Evil Twin Identification

Postby folkhero » Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:55 am UTC

Have we considered the possibility that when identical twins are born, they are both destined to be evil?
To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt...


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