[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DaBigCheez » Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:36 am UTC

Asymmetric breast development is definitely normal, as is asymmetric breast sizing once fully grown :) As far as the time period involved, I don't think a fortnight is at all unusual, and probably anything within three to six months I'd consider "eh, close enough to simultaneous". Outside of that time period it might be somewhat unusual, but I don't think it'd be actual cause for concern - bodies are different and develop differently :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:25 pm UTC

I moved to Maine. I will be finishing degrees 5 and 6 and looking for work here. No idea where to look, or how to look. Also, I'm on 12mg a day estradiol now, which it turns out I can't really afford on my present budget, but I'm pretty sure I need it. So, a lot is riding on me finding work, in this place where there's not really any tech scene to speak of. Fingers crossed.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby existential_squirrrel » Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:35 pm UTC

Good luck finding work, Brace!

I'm contemplating coming out as trans* to my mum soon. I'm scared, and excited
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:14 pm UTC

Thank you for reassuring me about breast development; it's always nice I can come here and find out that everything I'm going through is totally normal ^_^

Good luck finding work, Brace, I hope it all works out for you, and best luck with your mother, existential_squirrel!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:05 am UTC

Brace wrote:I moved to Maine. I will be finishing degrees 5 and 6 and looking for work here. No idea where to look, or how to look. Also, I'm on 12mg a day estradiol now, which it turns out I can't really afford on my present budget, but I'm pretty sure I need it. So, a lot is riding on me finding work, in this place where there's not really any tech scene to speak of. Fingers crossed.


12mg/day seems high (you're the first person I've personally heard of with anything at all above 8), but that's only anecdata on my part.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:56 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:
Brace wrote:I moved to Maine. I will be finishing degrees 5 and 6 and looking for work here. No idea where to look, or how to look. Also, I'm on 12mg a day estradiol now, which it turns out I can't really afford on my present budget, but I'm pretty sure I need it. So, a lot is riding on me finding work, in this place where there's not really any tech scene to speak of. Fingers crossed.


12mg/day seems high (you're the first person I've personally heard of with anything at all above 8), but that's only anecdata on my part.


Fallon Fox is at 16mg/day.

Just got a call from my school, FRCC. A woman was trying to say that she doesn't think she can process two graduation applications, even though I qualify for two degrees under the rules as written. She was saying things like "I asked about it because they were mostly the same credits for both degrees. You don't need two degrees. It serves no purpose. Yes, I know the rules say that, but they might be changing them. No, I don't know how they could change them after you'd already applied for graduation, but that's what they're probably doing."

Does anyone want to help me lawyer up over this, because basically what I'm getting out of this is that regardless of what the rules say, I'm being denied what I've rightfully earned because two people proactively decided I didn't deserve two degrees.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:07 am UTC

Brace wrote:I moved to Maine. I will be finishing degrees 5 and 6 and looking for work here. No idea where to look, or how to look. Also, I'm on 12mg a day estradiol now, which it turns out I can't really afford on my present budget, but I'm pretty sure I need it. So, a lot is riding on me finding work, in this place where there's not really any tech scene to speak of. Fingers crossed.

Good luck / success! Why did you move to Maine?

existential_squirrrel wrote:I'm contemplating coming out as trans* to my mum soon. I'm scared, and excited

I hope for you that she will take it will. *hugs*

Brace wrote:Just got a call from my school, FRCC. A woman was trying to say that she doesn't think she can process two graduation applications, even though I qualify for two degrees under the rules as written. She was saying things like "I asked about it because they were mostly the same credits for both degrees. You don't need two degrees. It serves no purpose. Yes, I know the rules say that, but they might be changing them. No, I don't know how they could change them after you'd already applied for graduation, but that's what they're probably doing."

Bastards.

Does anyone want to help me lawyer up over this, because basically what I'm getting out of this is that regardless of what the rules say, I'm being denied what I've rightfully earned because two people proactively decided I didn't deserve two degrees.

What kind of help do you require? Financial or other?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:47 pm UTC

Monika wrote:
Does anyone want to help me lawyer up over this, because basically what I'm getting out of this is that regardless of what the rules say, I'm being denied what I've rightfully earned because two people proactively decided I didn't deserve two degrees.

What kind of help do you require? Financial or other?


I don't know. If I can't get recourse through the school, I'm going to file a Better Business Bureau report and I guess just go from there. Not really sure what all is involved, so I'll keep you updated.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Isaac Hill » Fri Jan 10, 2014 10:34 pm UTC

Brace, just to be sure I understand your situation, your school's written policies are:
To earn Degree 1, you must complete course group A and course group C.
To earn Degree 2, you must complete course group B and course group C.

Now that you've completed A, B and C and are applying for 1 and 2, they're telling you they'll only give you Degree 1 because C is too large. IANAL, but unless there's a written limit on how many courses can be in C, that sounds like they're committing fraud regarding B. Sure, you learned the material, but the reason you wanted to learn the material was to qualify for the degree. If they hadn't given you a false promise about Degree 2, you could have skipped B, saving thousands of dollars in tuition and books, as well as graduating earlier.

In addition to the BBB, you'd also want to file a complaint with your State Attorney General's office. Also, find out what agencies give your school their academic accredidation and report the fraud to them, too.

Actually, once you've found out the names of the accredidation agencies, call the school again. Explain why what they're doing constitutes fraud and tell them that if they don't agree to give you both degrees you qualify for, then you'll report their fraud to the BBB, State Attorney General's office and accredidation agencies. Hopefully, that'll scare them enough to give you both degrees without you having to go through all the hassle of contacting all those groups.

Their reasoning that you "don't need" two degrees is absurd. First, it doesn't matter what degrees you need, it's what degrees you earn. If you needed a degree you didn't qualify for, they wouldn't hand it over. Second, how do they know what degrees you need? You don't even know what degrees you need. Some employeers will be looking for Degree 1, others for Degree 2. Maybe they mean you only need one physical degree listing a double major in Fields 1 and 2? I have no idea how double majors work. You may want to cross post this in the School sub-fora.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sat Jan 11, 2014 10:16 pm UTC

FRCC Website wrote:* Students may not earn a lower academic degree after a higher degree has been awarded. If requirements for multiple degrees are met during a single academic term or year, the lowest degree is awarded first, followed by the higher degree, and no lower academic degree can be awarded at any time in the future. The hierarchy of academic degrees, from high to low is A.S. Degree with Designation, A.S., A.A. Degree with Designation, A.A., A.A.S., and A.G.S. Multiple A.A.S. degrees may be earned if degree requirements for each degree are met. There is no limit to the number of credits that may be applied to more than one degree.


Bolded/enlarged the relevant. Anyway, thanks for the advice. They called me, so I don't have any correspondence on record with them. That worries me as well. I feel much happier dealing with people through email but people only ever want to call me, it seems. I will probably have to follow up myself.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:38 am UTC

I hate this "phone calls >> e-mails" mentality. People calling back in replies to e-mails. People leaving voice mails where I cannot understand their name and where they rattle off their phone numbers (when calling from inside our company via a land line it always shows the main number instead of extensions, so call back is not possible) instead of sending e-mails. And most annoyingly my manager is always saying "you should have called them", "just call them to speed things up". Well the other people are working and in meetings and stuff. Sure, some things can be interrupted pretty easily, but other stuff like debugging not so easily ... many of my colleagues would also much rather receive an e-mail.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:49 pm UTC

The situation seems to be resolved. I suspect it was just someone trying to be lazy and/or questioning what they saw as bureaucratic redundancy rather than anything malicious. Sorry. I never know which problems are serious and which aren't until after the fact, it seems.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:51 pm UTC

Good that this turned out well :) .
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby existential_squirrrel » Thu Jan 16, 2014 12:32 am UTC

I met a new therapist today, and I told him of my gender-weirdness and my desire to eventually transition. OMCHEESE, he is a cool dude. he's worked with folks who are trans* before, and he's really respectful of the pronouns I like. I think I'll stay working with him. he's going to help me with my ADD/ADHD and my depression/anxiety. YAY!

also told mum about my gender-weirdness. she was accepting of it
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:04 am UTC

I'm slowly finding ways of expressing my feminine side more.

On Halloween 2012 I used the excuse of taking my girlfriend to a Rocky Horror Picture Show (and donning an appropriate costume) to buy myself a nice long black skirt, the kind I would wear around everywhere if I thought I could get away with it socially. I did keep wearing it hanging around my own room at home though. That was only at night after work back then, but since I moved into my own house and began working from home in June 2013, "hanging around my own room" has become like 90% of every day for me, and I realized recently that I now wear women's clothes far more than men's (I still put on pants to go outside), and that's kinda neat. My girlfriend was a little weirded out by it at first, but in a conversation this past weekend said something offhand that made her realize she doesn't even think anything about it at all, it is just a completely unremarkable thing now. That was nice.

I've been wanting to get a proper dress for a while too, and my own old Rocky Horror cast's return to theaters after a three-year hiatus last weekend gave me another excuse to do that. (Excuses needed because it's easier to tell the women working at women's clothing stores that I'm buying something for costume than that these are just clothes I'd like to wear). Amazingly I somehow found an elegant full-length black dress that fits me perfectly, which surprised the hell out of me; I didn't expect to find anything that would drape ankle-length on my 6'2" frame. Got some nice dangly earrings to go with it, and did some minimalist makeup (nails and lips) to finish it off. My girlfriend loved it, as did all my old friends at the show, and everywhere my girl and I went on the day of the show (like restaurants and stores and things), people kept addressing us as "ladies", even when I wasn't wearing the dress. That was kinda neat too. I've started wearing the dress and earring around the house too; the earrings especially add something very pretty to my look that makes me smile at the mirror in a way I almost never do.

I've been afraid to let my neighbors know about any of this, because living in a semi-rural area there's a lot of rednecks about and though I'm not actually afraid of anybody being able to physically hurt me (I'm very big and strong and have decades of martial arts experience and a possibly excessive ruthless streak when threatened), I just want to avoid confrontation in the first place and live in peace and unremarkability. I left the house the day of the show in ordinary mens' clothes, but came back from the show still in the dress, thinking it was well after midnight and nobody would be awake to see me. As misfortune would have it, one of my neighbors happened to be getting home right as I was getting out of my car. I was very flustered and scared and angry all at once but after talking to him found out he used to do RHPS himself and thought it was all cool and I looked very nice. I was embarrassed for thinking he would think anything else because I'm friends with him and know already that he's the kind of person who wouldn't bat an eye at anything like that.

Today I had my second general physical checkup in my adult life, and the first thing the (female) doctor asked me was "Why do your toes look more fantastic than mine?", because I haven't gotten around to removing the toenail polish yet. I told her about the show last weekend and apparently she used to be into it too back in her youth. Moved on to other things, completely unremarkable to her too.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ShortChelsea » Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:33 pm UTC

I came out to a friend yesterday and he said that I wasn't really bi, I only think that I am. I didn't bother to correct him.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:39 pm UTC

My six degrees qualify me for $12/hr help desk, says the headhunter.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Jan 31, 2014 4:49 pm UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:I came out to a friend yesterday and he said that I wasn't really bi, I only think that I am. I didn't bother to correct him.

I assume you then explained he wasn't really smart, he only thinks he is. Right?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 31, 2014 9:42 pm UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:I came out to a friend yesterday and he said that I wasn't really bi, I only think that I am. I didn't bother to correct him.

Tell him he's not really hetero, he just thinks he is.

Brace wrote:My six degrees qualify me for $12/hr help desk, says the headhunter.

:-/
Try a different headhunter?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ShortChelsea » Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:33 am UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:
ShortChelsea wrote:I came out to a friend yesterday and he said that I wasn't really bi, I only think that I am. I didn't bother to correct him.

I assume you then explained he wasn't really smart, he only thinks he is. Right?

He went through a difficult breakup recently, so I didn't want to be a dick. I had a thousand comebacks but I didn't want to hijack the conversation. :/

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby socktopus » Fri Feb 14, 2014 10:56 pm UTC

I am currently going through some gender things which I think I needed to talk through. There've been a few times in the past year or so I've meant to post something along these lines but not certain enough about any of this to post on my main account hence the puppet. This is going to be kind of rambley so I'm going to hide this behind a spoiler so people can just scroll past if they want :)

CN: confusion about gender, mental health and self-harm

Spoiler:
I'm in my second year at uni and have spent most of my life not really questioning the fact I was assigned a male gender at birth. Since coming to university almost all of my friends fall under one letter or another of lgbtiqqa. I've also always known that, whilst I am predominantly attracted to ladies, "predominantly" is much more accurate than "exclusively".

Most of my trans friends had already come out when I first met them but one of them came out after I knew her well. Since then I've been thinking about my gender and I realised that, at best, I don't feel any real affinity with "male" as my gender and that, at worst, it feels slightly wrong.

When I was a kid in primary school, I believed that, at some point before I was a proper grown up, I'd become a girl (I also had some idea in my head that most people change sex as they grew up despite knowing enough biology to know academically that this wasn't the norm). Cut to secondary school where I develop a lot of "feminine" mannerisms and as a result get teased for being "gay"; at the end of my time in secondary school I also started growing my hair out (because I wanted long hair) and also letting my beard grow (because I was too lazy to shave it). Somewhere around this time I wonder, out of academic curiosity (at least, that's what it seemed like at the time) I first wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.

Then I start at uni and, quite quickly, it becomes apparent that the people I associate with most are all ladies, The vast majority of my friends are female and again my "feminine" behaviour becomes more apparent. I end up getting panicked about a relatively minor build up of work at the end of one term and end up unable to function at all really for a couple of weeks and, during one of the sessions, the counsellor referred to me as a nice guy (lower case I should clarify) and I noticed that "guy" felt wrong and that I wanted to correct her but wasn't sure what I'd rather she called me.

The next term, I shave my beard. It had got too long and I thought it would be amusing to see the reactions of people who had never seen me without a beard. I have been told that I look pretty(er) without it and at least one person said I looked like a girl (I was deliberately dressing androgynously at the time as well); I've also been mistaken for my mum (or just a woman) on the phone my whole life that I can remember and can generally sing female parts more easily than male ones (my full voice is tenor/alto-ish and I can go well above that falsetto) and have never really minded either (I've always been quite proud of the fact that I can sing high female parts actually). At the end of the year I went to the university's lgbt+ society's ball despite not really feeling justified in being there except as a kinsey 1 claiming bi/pan. Over the summer I think a few times about having a vagina again, this time as something I might want and not purely as something I was curious about.

At the start of the next year I end up with another pile of work, have a very brief "dissociative episode" which I ended by cutting for the first time. I started seeing the counsellor again but stopped after a while (she made a reference to the episode sounding spiritual which was complete bollocks and, as an atheist, rationalist, empiricist, didn't really help me). I have basically written off most of the work from that term as a dead loss.

I had a few more depression-y episodes later on of varying severities and have thought about cutting again in a few of them although have always stopped short. My friends and pastoral tutor have suggested I start seeing the counsellor regularly and/or a gp to get medicated. I have yet to do either.

This is where I am.

At the moment, I don't really feel male but I don't know where else to put myself, what over category I fall into.

I don't know whether these feelings are real or whether I'm just inventing them because I want to feel like I belong with all my lgbtiqqa friends given psychological things. I don't know what this post is, whether it's me coming out to myself, or me getting people to call me out on claiming shit I have no right to.

I don't know. Whatever it is, I needed to post this. Thanks/sorry

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Enuja » Sat Feb 15, 2014 4:06 pm UTC

socktopus, I'm so glad you posted in this thread!

*hugs*

It's OK to be confused about your gender. It's also OK to be straight, but be friends with, and get support from, LGBTQ folk. And questioning is part of that Q. So, because you're not sure what label fits you, you fit securely under the LGBTQ umbrella. And whatever label you end up finding comfortable, or if no labels quite work out, you still need support. We all do.

It can take a certain amount of trail and error to find a counselor who is a good fit for you. If there is a counselor who specializes in LBTGQ folk at your school, it probably makes sense for you to try that counselor, although that person might not work, either. Just as it was a good step to write about how you feel, it will be a very good step to work towards finding a counselor you like. Good luck!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby fyrenwater » Tue Feb 18, 2014 3:54 am UTC

Been a while since I posted in here. Long story short, I've become more sure in my gender and sexual identity, met a wonderful SO, and am much more vocal about supporting all gender and sexual minorities.

Which brings me to wonderful changes happening right now. Allow me to start at the beginning. The... less wonderful beginnning:

Ages ago, back when I was young and was barely coming to terms with the possibility that I might just be (gasp) un-straight!!!, I made a promise to myself to never come out to my mother. She was from a different time. She had a different set of morals. And she was one of those extreme people who loudly stated that gays need to be shipped to an island to die off. And "the gays" wouldn't make more gays because they obviously don't reproduce. And only gays make more gays!!! PERFECTLY LOGICAL. /s

Fortunately, time changes people. And even rock-headedly-stubborn people like my mother learn and change. It was a slow start. One of her close friend coworkers turned out to be gay, which made my mother re-evaluate "the gays" as people. Years later, my mother expressed disapproval at her old college buddy's child's orientation, and he called her out for being close-minded. And she realized it might be wrong to be against the existence of a group of people. The most recent wedding I went to was between a ciswoman and a transwoman, which my mother had a hundred questions about. I fielded every single one, taking the time to explain the whole "what's between their legs?" question was deeply inappropriate and a very rude and prying question. And she began to realize that having ONE thing be "normal" and everything else be "wrong" was suddenly very horrifying.

As more news stories cover gay rights in Sochi, trans* rights in American school bathrooms, marriage rights across the world, etc. I take the time to educate and inform my mother. And slowly, she's realizing that people are people, dropping her old ways. It's taken about a decade, but my mother has changed. She's no ally, but she's moved away from hatred and shunning. And maybe some day, I'll be able to come out to her and be welcomed with open arms. And maybe some day, she will become an ally.

I share this story to give hope to others. Even the most backwoods ignorant hater can go from thinking queer folk are freaks, to realizing that they're thinking, feeling people that deserve the same respect and rights as everyone else.
...It made more sense in my head.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:10 am UTC

Welcome to the thread, socktopus.

Thanks for that post, fyrenwater.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:02 pm UTC

socktopus wrote:I am currently going through some gender things which I think I needed to talk through. There've been a few times in the past year or so I've meant to post something along these lines but not certain enough about any of this to post on my main account hence the puppet. This is going to be kind of rambley so I'm going to hide this behind a spoiler so people can just scroll past if they want :)

CN: confusion about gender, mental health and self-harm

Spoiler:
I'm in my second year at uni and have spent most of my life not really questioning the fact I was assigned a male gender at birth. Since coming to university almost all of my friends fall under one letter or another of lgbtiqqa. I've also always known that, whilst I am predominantly attracted to ladies, "predominantly" is much more accurate than "exclusively".

Most of my trans friends had already come out when I first met them but one of them came out after I knew her well. Since then I've been thinking about my gender and I realised that, at best, I don't feel any real affinity with "male" as my gender and that, at worst, it feels slightly wrong.

When I was a kid in primary school, I believed that, at some point before I was a proper grown up, I'd become a girl (I also had some idea in my head that most people change sex as they grew up despite knowing enough biology to know academically that this wasn't the norm). Cut to secondary school where I develop a lot of "feminine" mannerisms and as a result get teased for being "gay"; at the end of my time in secondary school I also started growing my hair out (because I wanted long hair) and also letting my beard grow (because I was too lazy to shave it). Somewhere around this time I wonder, out of academic curiosity (at least, that's what it seemed like at the time) I first wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.

Then I start at uni and, quite quickly, it becomes apparent that the people I associate with most are all ladies, The vast majority of my friends are female and again my "feminine" behaviour becomes more apparent. I end up getting panicked about a relatively minor build up of work at the end of one term and end up unable to function at all really for a couple of weeks and, during one of the sessions, the counsellor referred to me as a nice guy (lower case I should clarify) and I noticed that "guy" felt wrong and that I wanted to correct her but wasn't sure what I'd rather she called me.

The next term, I shave my beard. It had got too long and I thought it would be amusing to see the reactions of people who had never seen me without a beard. I have been told that I look pretty(er) without it and at least one person said I looked like a girl (I was deliberately dressing androgynously at the time as well); I've also been mistaken for my mum (or just a woman) on the phone my whole life that I can remember and can generally sing female parts more easily than male ones (my full voice is tenor/alto-ish and I can go well above that falsetto) and have never really minded either (I've always been quite proud of the fact that I can sing high female parts actually). At the end of the year I went to the university's lgbt+ society's ball despite not really feeling justified in being there except as a kinsey 1 claiming bi/pan. Over the summer I think a few times about having a vagina again, this time as something I might want and not purely as something I was curious about.

At the start of the next year I end up with another pile of work, have a very brief "dissociative episode" which I ended by cutting for the first time. I started seeing the counsellor again but stopped after a while (she made a reference to the episode sounding spiritual which was complete bollocks and, as an atheist, rationalist, empiricist, didn't really help me). I have basically written off most of the work from that term as a dead loss.

I had a few more depression-y episodes later on of varying severities and have thought about cutting again in a few of them although have always stopped short. My friends and pastoral tutor have suggested I start seeing the counsellor regularly and/or a gp to get medicated. I have yet to do either.

This is where I am.

At the moment, I don't really feel male but I don't know where else to put myself, what over category I fall into.

I don't know whether these feelings are real or whether I'm just inventing them because I want to feel like I belong with all my lgbtiqqa friends given psychological things. I don't know what this post is, whether it's me coming out to myself, or me getting people to call me out on claiming shit I have no right to.

I don't know. Whatever it is, I needed to post this. Thanks/sorry



*hugs* welcome.

The thing to not get caught up in is thinking that gender is a duality, just a 1 or a 0. It's not. It's a grand, wide, diverse gray scale, with people at all places inside and outside of that scale. It doesn't have any bounds. While it might seem scary, it also means you can be anything you want to be, whatever feels right. If it doesn't make sense at first, its ok, we are all unsure of ourselves at some point.
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GenderConfused
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby GenderConfused » Mon Mar 10, 2014 9:35 pm UTC

Enuja pointed me to this thread, so... Hi? It would probably be redundant to rant about everything here once more, so... spoilered.

Spoiler:
Forumsians (Forasians? Forumzors? Forum-people?), I need your help. Physically, I'm a guy. Psychologically, I'm no longer sure. Which button do I flip so that I know?

It doesn't work like that, I know. In all seriousness, I need some advice. I have an appointment with my shrink next Wednesday where I'll bring it up, but it can't hurt to ask around for some pointers, right?

Long story short, I've never quite felt comfortable in my body, and of course I know what 'transgender' means, but only today did I make the connection "Oh god what if I'm transgender?" Up to this point I always assumed I simply had a lot of body issues (which I have), and am just not a very psychologically masculine person. I'm by no means a very feminine person, it's little things like how I shaved my whole body a few times because it felt more natural to me, but mostly it's just how I a.) don't feel comfortable with having a penis, and b.) often find that if I imagine situations where I'm in a female body, I'm much happier.

But... I'm obviously uncertain. It's a pretty big thing, and I only made the connection today. I've been walking around somewhat panicky the rest of the day, worrying about everything. I'm mainly afraid that I'm either wrong and making a big mistake by even focusing on the issue, or that I'd make a terrible woman. Thinking about it, mostly the second one. I look very... masculine (good god there's no way of saying that without sounding stupid). And by that I mean that I have rather a lot of thick body hair, a big nose, am pretty tall, and so on. I don't need to be a model, but I don't want to be a woman-who-still-looks-like-a-man. Also, terrible skin. Having all that stuff at least OK-ish seems so much more important to me if I had a female body - not sure why. There's obviously also the MAJOR issue that I'm afraid I won't be a Real Woman(TM) if I'm just a guy who had a gender change. But that's what I'm afraid of if I'd actually change at some point in the future (which no matter how it plays out is obviously far into the future, which makes me both happy and sad).

More in the right now is that... I like women. As in sexually. And as mentioned, I'm also not a 'girly' type, per se. While this doesn't make me feel any more of a man, I'd think many would argue that this invalidates my "wanting to be a woman". You know, per the "if it looks like a man, fucks like a man, and quacks like a man, it's probably a man."

So... Any transgenders on xkcd? Or anyone who could offer some advice, really? Some support would really be appreciated, at least until I get the opportunity to talk about it with my therapist. Thanks.

--

Brace wrote:
You can be a lesbian and transsexual, although it is fairly strange to be uncomfortable with your penis and yet prone to using it.

It's a little complicated for me to explain. I only discovered masturbation at 18 (am 20 now), and always felt rather ridiculous just playing around with it. I can only get off with a good set of (mental) images, an erotic story - anything like that. Actually touching the penis is something I'd then be able to do without feeling completely ridiculous and slightly grossed out. I'm also a virgin, so I don't exactly use it that much.

Brace wrote:
Hormone replacement's aesthetic benefits are very much dependent on genetics and how you look going into things, as well as age. If you're old and ugly, you will probably never pass, that's the blunt truth of the matter. You can try hormones in the hopes of winning the genetic lottery but have realistic expectations. That said, waiting won't help matters if you end up deciding to go on hormones later. Also, if you're scared about skin then that's dumb, skin is the one thing that's pretty much 100% to change on HRT regardless of anything.

I know very little about it, but am a little wary of looking it all up now since I feel that might be somewhat premature. Probably can't hurt to get an overview though. I'm 20 now, so that's still pretty young... right?

EDIT: Annnnnnnnd my appointment on Wednesday has been cancelled for some reason. Moar panics for me.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PolakoVoador » Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:52 pm UTC

Hello all, I would like to begin my first post in this thread saying that I'm a cis male, and not a native English speaker, so if I ever misuse terminology or in any way offend anyone, please call me out on it and I will do my best to adapt my vocabulary/behaviour :)

This post had objectionable content.

------

Also, hugs for all of you that are seeking your happinnes in a society that is not exactly receptive :)

so, this is a safe space. This means no one has to prove a damned thing, or answer questions essentially asking to validate existence.

You have a right to ask those kinds of questions, yes. But this is not the place. -SecondTalon

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby NovaNatalia » Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:24 pm UTC

Welcome to both of you! *Gives hugs, biscuits as desired*

GenderConfused, since there's a lot to respond to in your post and you've already made a separate thread for it, I'll respond over there. But don't take that as a sign that you shouldn't post long or detailed posts here! The community is lovely and they've always helped me whenever I've needed it.

PolakoVoador, as a trans woman I'm okay with transexuality being treated as an illness — but as an endocrine disorder, not a mental one. Trans people are women & men whose bodies have developed wrong compared to what our brains want (as I understand it), and if it needs to be classed as a disorder to get taxpayer dollars, I think it's reasonable to treat it like an intersex one. What's important is that we don't treat the act of transitioning as a sickness or a symptom, but as a treatment.

Because of this, I tend to see discrimination of trans* people as falling not only on the intersection of not only gender and sexual privilege, but also of ableism. I think the best we can do is educate the population so there's a culture of understanding rather than ignorance, and eventually we'll be accepted. But it will be a long time and hard work.

Also, for everyone else — life update! Am now sporting a bra =D For those interested, it's 18C. C cups! I am sosososososososo happy with them!
I'm also seeing a fashion consultant every week, and have learnt a tonne about skincare and makeup, and next week we're going clothes shopping! Squeee!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:43 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:09 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Mar 12, 2014 5:15 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I would like to put these people in a conceptually different category from transsexuals, but am told this is discriminatory, even when no claims about value or authenticity are made.
As I said earlier, as lancita has repeated in this thread, as other mods have repeated in this and other safespace threads...

That's not safespace appropriate.

I know you've had incredibly negative experiences, but having shitty things happen to you doesn't give you an excuse to be shitty to someone else. Which is what you're doing here and in a lot of other places on the forum too.

And I'm telling you to stop. I don't want to ban you, I don't want to restrict you from posting in certain threads, I don't want to tell you what you can and cannot do, but you're forcing our hand. This isn't just me -- this is the entire modstaff being tired of dealing with it. This is individuals relaying to us that you make them uncomfortable in what should be a safespace and us having to figure out how the hell to deal with it. And yes, this is now me making a big public deal out of it because frankly I want it to stop.

Stop tearing other people down when they don't fit whatever ideal you have. Stop relying on ideas that treat others as lesser for holding different opinions, no matter how misguided they are. Be a little more empathetic to others. When terrible things happen, assign blame to the people doing the things alone and not everyone who shares characteristics with them.

I don't want to ban you. Don't make me ban you, either from safespace threads or from the forum as a whole.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Wed Mar 12, 2014 5:18 pm UTC

Just learned that a guy i had relations with in the past, was actually cheating on a girl i had liked at the time with me.

Being Bi is weird, man.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Wed Mar 12, 2014 5:25 pm UTC

This post had objectionable content.
Last edited by Brace on Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:09 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Mar 12, 2014 6:22 pm UTC

Fair.
heuristically_alone wrote:I want to write a DnD campaign and play it by myself and DM it myself.
heuristically_alone wrote:I have been informed that this is called writing a book.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Wed Mar 12, 2014 9:04 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:Just learned that a guy i had relations with in the past, was actually cheating on a girl i had liked at the time with me.

Being Bi is weird, man.

My ex-girlfriend was pregnant at the time I was dating her, had a kid with her boyfriend (not her husband, of which she had one), and my boyfriend and I would hang out with her, the kid, her boyfriend and her other girlfriend for movie nights on Wednesdays for a while. They've since moved to the west coast and the kid and I skype once in a while.

Yeah, poly, sexuality, weird.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby doogly » Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:59 am UTC

It's not nearly so weird as willingly having conversations with children, but alright.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wonderbolt » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:57 pm UTC

Hi! This is GenderConfused. I'm a somewhat-regular poster on the fora, but decided to create a new account. Some people here may know who I am or the name of my previous account, but I've created a new one to a.) retain some semblance of privacy, as my other account can be linked to me in real-life, and b.) it seems like a nice thing to do, what with the whole embracing my identitiy and stuff.

Hope you'll have me. :)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:19 pm UTC

Dude is totally cool. He signed off once with "namaste, nessie."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Mar 14, 2014 5:55 am UTC

Wonderbolt wrote:Hi! This is GenderConfused. I'm a somewhat-regular poster on the fora, but decided to create a new account. Some people here may know who I am or the name of my previous account, but I've created a new one to a.) retain some semblance of privacy, as my other account can be linked to me in real-life, and b.) it seems like a nice thing to do, what with the whole embracing my identitiy and stuff.

Hope you'll have me. :)


Welcome. ^_^
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Tomlidich the second » Fri Mar 14, 2014 5:49 pm UTC

doogly wrote:It's not nearly so weird as willingly having conversations with children, but alright.

Hey some of those short people have good ideas. we would be better off, listening to them sometimes.

also, may or may not go with my sis to go shopping at forever 21, this time, for things for me. not sure how many strange looks i will get, but if its awkward i never have to show my face there again so i guess it is a win.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Mar 14, 2014 5:54 pm UTC

Tomlidich the second wrote:
doogly wrote:It's not nearly so weird as willingly having conversations with children, but alright.

Hey some of those short people have good ideas. we would be better off, listening to them sometimes.

My youngest has a cat toy, that's a girl cat, that ONLY kisses other girl-cat toys. Because she's just that kind of cat.


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