I am confused. Really really confused. With that said, I'll start at the beginning.
Basically, as long as I've been growing up, I've wondered what it would be like to be female. I think such thoughts are fairly normal, but mine quickly went from curious to wistful. I tried not to think about them too much, but they were always sorta there. Around the time I hit puberty, I began to realize that I was bisexual. It took a bit of getting used to, but I just accepted it as who I was and moved on. Then, somewhere along the lines, I discovered cross-dressing. I experimented with it a fair bit, but never had the courage to leave my attic while dressed up.
Anyway, sometime in the past year I slowly realized that I would rather have been born female. Due to a bunch of different things, really, but I still considered myself pretty-much male in gender. At this point, I'd actually wondered a few times if I was transgender, but it never felt quite right before, so I put it out of my head and moved on. But basically since I've been at college (maybe a week or two before I moved down, really) I have begun to ponder if I am trans much more thoroughly. For some reason something was beginning to click that never had before. This was sorta happening subconsciously until we were doing an activity during orientation called "cross the line". The entire group stands in a line, silently. People ask questions and if you would answer yes, you walk forwards, turn around, and then return to the line. The very first question was "are you a woman", and I had to literally force myself not to walk forwards. This was a little over two months ago at this point, and I've been slowly starting to put things together.
At this point, I'm really really confused. I've told two of my best friends that I'm questioning, and they've reacted fairly positively. I'm still trying to wrap my head around things, however. On the one hand, it feels right when I say "I'm a woman," but on the other hand, I'm still trying to figure out what that even means. What really separates a woman from a man? If I'm the same person I've always been, why is this happening now when it didn't before? It probably doesn't help that I'm still sorta-kinda-maybe in a relationship with one of the people I've told about this. I've also thought about how difficult it would be to tell everyone in my life about this if it does turn out that I'm trans, and I'm afraid of how they'd react.
Basically, tl;dr, I'm really confused right now and I just needed to put this somewhere. I know some of you have been through this, and while I doubt you have my answers maybe you can start me on the right path to finding them? Or just give hugs? Hugs would be nice, right about now.