You've Got 30 Seconds...

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:34 am UTC

The religious nuts would just reply "so where did the chemicals come from?".
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:44 am UTC

Yeah, there can never be a 30-second clip that will instigate world peace. Except maybe "Oh me yarm the sun's going nova RIGHT NOW", though that would probably make things worse in the short term (quick! Everyone go do what you've never let yourself do but always wanted to!).

And, if true, in the long term as well...
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Solt » Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:19 am UTC

poxic wrote:Yeah, there can never be a 30-second clip that will instigate world peace.


Irrefutable proof that aliens exist?
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby poxic » Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:21 am UTC

Oh man, I'd pay good money to see the effect that would have on the world. Heh. (I probably wouldn't survive the ensuing human-induced apocalypse, though, if "irrefutable proof" came in the form of visiting alien folk.)

Edit: alternate answer? Of course it would bring world peace. We'd all have to unite against the bloody bastards, wouldn't we? :roll:

Edit2: on further reflection... irrefutable proof of bloody alien bastards would lead to division. The Alienhuggertards would be advocating interplanetary understanding and cooperation while the Neaderthugs bleat about "Earth First!" and threats to sovereignty/health/security. I retreat to my former opinion, the above-mentioned human-induced apocalypse. :|
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby cyberia » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:14 am UTC

It's funny that almost everyone is trying to come up with a 'nice' idea or a commercial that will have a positive outcome.

Why not just make an ad that sells you / your product / your world-view? 30 seconds of why you're awesome?

Hell, I'd just redo one of those Lynx bodyspray ads where all the women are magnetically-attracted to the guy 'cause of his deodorant but with me as the guy.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby nadreck » Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:59 pm UTC

While I applaud (or at least laud) all those who have suggested telling people to turn their TV off, I am also someone who sees a 30 second spot as having a tangible cash value. So how is this: I break my 30 second spot into 3 x 10 second spots, I use the first one and I sell the other two to the highest bidders? Budweiser and GM at a guess. If it is during the Super Bowl then I bet I get enough money to really jump start setting up that dot com I am working on. Then just to mess with them, I take my 10 second spot that appears before theirs and do the following:

I am standing, probably dressed in a black and white themed outfit I would dance on stage in, beside me is a beautiful woman in attire that would fit with dancing too, the room is living room centered around couch, coffee table and TV (out of sight but presumed to be there and the point of view of the camera), Stage right has the front door of the house and a light switch beside it
Woman - Do you want to watch this crap?
Me - Heck no, lets go dancing!
We walk arm in arm to the front door and exit shutting of the light as we go and screen goes full black for a few seconds
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Ruckus » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:57 pm UTC

I would let the world know about the imminent zombie threat and how they can own one of my patented zombie survival kits. Hell, if there was time I'd even have Max Brooks do a cameo to push his books, for a fee of course.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:03 pm UTC

Maybe I should change the premise of this idea to something a little larger in scope.... I wanted to do either this thread, or "What Would You Make People Watch", if you could make the whole world watch something (no longer than movie length).

I think that might have worked better. This thread is depressing. Sell your chance to change the world to Ford for a profit indeed...

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby nadreck » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:17 pm UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:Sell your chance to change the world to Ford for a profit indeed...


Excuse me but it is not like it is my only chance you know. I figure people overpay for TV advertising and the sort of stuff people would see it with would degrade it, just like my script would degrade them - a la "look who moved in next door". So I will continue doing all the things I do that contribute to changing the world and I would take some money out of this one chance and also have some fun with it. I probably would have more beneficial effect with 100 posts on the XKCD board than with 30 seconds of air time during something that most people out there want to watch. As well I feel that my dot com business that would profit from the sale of those two 10 second spots would have a positive effect on many lives.

But , Mighty Jalapeno, I don't want hard feelings between you and I. I honestly did rack my brain for several minutes trying to think up something world changing or uplifting, and couldn't come up with something cogent.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:25 pm UTC

It was humorous :) Relax. Serious business ahead, etc etc... I'm probably cynical enough that I'd do that, too, since with 10 seconds of Ford money, I could do a lot of good things for my family.

The thread was about "if you had 30 seconds to speak to the world, what would you say", and less about "How would you handle 30 seconds of network airtime", but it's a big world.

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby nadreck » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:33 pm UTC

Mighty Jalapeno wrote:The thread was about "if you had 30 seconds to speak to the world, what would you say", and less about "How would you handle 30 seconds of network airtime", but it's a big world.


Ok but your premise mentioned 'network airtime' long before it said change the world (or rather what to tell it that it didn't already know). And reading the answers I figured turn of your TV is the best message, and I only need 10 seconds for that, so sell the rest - and for irony tell them that before the ads I just sold the space to are shown.

BTW as a tangential aside, did you originally envisage this as during the Super Bowl? Or just when did you figure you would have that pervasive penetration?
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:42 pm UTC

It was all just a theoretical exercise... "You've got 30 seconds to tell EVERYONE something... what is it?"

I gotta be careful with my lead-ins in the future.

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby kanavazk » Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:15 pm UTC

HARDCORE PRON!!!

(Sorry.)
THIS IS FROM THE INTERENT!

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Plasma Man » Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:46 pm UTC

Idea two, which is now going against the vague change the world for the better vibe.

Normal advert starts, then five seconds in there's a burst of static and the screen turns to black. A Dalek voice starts saying "Exterminate! Exterminate!" while the word EXTERMINATE rolls up the screen in white letters. As the advert goes on, the volume gets higher and higher and more images of the word EXTERMINATE appear on the screen, so by the 27th second it is really loud and the whole screen is just repetitions of EXTERMINATE. There's then another burst of static and the next advert comes up.

I know this would serve no purpose, but it would be awesome.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby The Hyphenator » Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:52 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:Idea two, which is now going against the vague change the world for the better vibe.

Normal advert starts, then five seconds in there's a burst of static and the screen turns to black. A Dalek voice starts saying "Exterminate! Exterminate!" while the word EXTERMINATE rolls up the screen in white letters. As the advert goes on, the volume gets higher and higher and more images of the word EXTERMINATE appear on the screen, so by the 27th second it is really loud and the whole screen is just repetitions of EXTERMINATE. There's then another burst of static and the next advert comes up.

I know this would serve no purpose, but it would be awesome.

I got creeped out just reading that. You have my vote. :D
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby cyberia » Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:19 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:Idea two, which is now going against the vague change the world for the better vibe.

Normal advert starts, then five seconds in there's a burst of static and the screen turns to black. A Dalek voice starts saying "Exterminate! Exterminate!" while the word EXTERMINATE rolls up the screen in white letters. As the advert goes on, the volume gets higher and higher and more images of the word EXTERMINATE appear on the screen, so by the 27th second it is really loud and the whole screen is just repetitions of EXTERMINATE. There's then another burst of static and the next advert comes up.

I know this would serve no purpose, but it would be awesome.


I like my version better...

Spoiler:
Idea #1:

Maybe 5 seconds of some generic ad then scramble the picture and audio, replace with a picture of a large industrial door. 5 more seconds of silence then a vocoder-distorted voice saying, 'Tell them we are coming'. 5 more seconds of silence with the door showing. And cut.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Felstaff » Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:56 pm UTC

Hmmm... think of all the sockpuppets I could fit into thirty seconds of advertising!

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Shro » Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:00 pm UTC

Hey guys? Stop imagining you've got 30 seconds of a commercial and instead imagine you had 30 seconds with Mr. Universe's equipment.

[look... I just alienated everyone who hasn't watched Firefly]


I'm still working on my message. It would probably be opposite to most other peoples' messages. I would tell everyone how awesome people are and how cool it is to be alive, even if life sucks. Just to take a moment and appreciate things, a child's laughter, the moon on the water, silk on skin.

Let's go back. Let's go back to what it was like when things still inspired awe. I feel as though we've forgotten the meaning and feeling of that word. The awe of nature, of the world, of our own achievements. Humanity is greater than the sum of it's parts, and you are a part of it, whether you like it or not.

I'm ready to stop being cynical. Are you?
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Jessica » Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:07 pm UTC

"What would you do with 30 seconds to send to the universe? If you have a message to send out, please, call this number now, and record your message, and we'll send it out for you."
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:10 pm UTC

Hmmm, maybe I'd do a chunk of The Great Dictator...

<Message Start>

I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone, if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness -- not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

<Message End>

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Nebulae » Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:40 am UTC

Yeah no I'd probably sell it.

How much do you think that having 30 seconds to give a message to everyone in the world would be worth?

$100-200 million USD maybe?

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Teapot » Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:52 am UTC

30 seconds to tell everyone something...

"Turn off the TV. Go find your friends and make them feel loved. Give them a hug or something, I don't know. They're your friends. Why are you still watching. Do it now." Then the screen goes black for the remainder of the time.

:)
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby screech » Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:21 am UTC

Idea #1

I'm sitting at a table in a white room, dressed in a suit, and eating pasta with cream sauce. I don't look at the camera or say anything - I'm just enjoying a meal.

Something that is not obviously crazy and has no fixed message will get a lot more people to interpret what it means, and think about it. If you say stuff like "Turn the television off and go outside it's a beautiful day!" then some people will just block it. However...

Idea #2

"You have reached the end of television. After this, there will be no more broadcasts. I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd freak out, but we can't hold it off any longer. Have a nice day!"

Blackness.

Idea #3

*sitting at a desk, casually dressed*

"*cough cough*, ahem."

"Hello. There is something you ought to know - just because you do not understand something does not mean you should reject it. The unknown is frightening, yes, but if you try and understand, try and accept, then it becomes known, and isn't so frightening anymore. So don't be scared to try a new idea. At the very least, you'll get an interesting conversation from it."

*stand up, walk out. Desk is empty for the rest of the ad."

Idea #4

I find a random unsigned band, and give them 30 seconds on worldwide TV. If they do it right - instant success!
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Raiku » Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:03 am UTC

Haha, mabye...

Put a clown on the television-not an actual clown, just a still image of its disturbing face. And keep that image broadcasting for 30 seconds. Chances are, most people will shit themselves and run afetr the first 10... (I probably would... I don't like clowns...)

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:26 pm UTC

screech wrote:Something that is not obviously crazy and has no fixed message will get a lot more people to interpret what it means,

You know, that has caused a LOT of problems throughout history...

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby benjhuey » Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:26 pm UTC

Raiku wrote:Haha, mabye...

Put a clown on the television-not an actual clown, just a still image of its disturbing face. And keep that image broadcasting for 30 seconds. Chances are, most people will shit themselves and run afetr the first 10... (I probably would... I don't like clowns...)

Make it The King, and you've got yourself a deal. The King:
Spoiler:
Image


Another idea: In Bioshock, there are televisions that display a sort of "technical difficulties" image. In some parts, it sounds like someone is trying to talk to you through them. Very creepy. Running that would be awesome. The real life version of the "technical difficulties" screen:
Spoiler:
Image


Third idea: Play the original "Head On" commercial for the full 30 seconds.
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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby crazyjimbo » Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:50 pm UTC

argyl3 wrote:I'm still working on my message. It would probably be opposite to most other peoples' messages. I would tell everyone how awesome people are and how cool it is to be alive, even if life sucks. Just to take a moment and appreciate things, a child's laughter, the moon on the water, silk on skin.

Let's go back. Let's go back to what it was like when things still inspired awe. I feel as though we've forgotten the meaning and feeling of that word. The awe of nature, of the world, of our own achievements. Humanity is greater than the sum of it's parts, and you are a part of it, whether you like it or not.

I'm ready to stop being cynical. Are you?


I like this. I constantly need reminding of this sort of thing and you're message worked on me! :)

My message would be something along the lines of:

Hey World, I won't keep you long but I need to say that we've become far too reclusive and self-reliant. Sometimes it's nice to integrate with others, so I now declare the next few hours/days as official mingling time. Go say hi to your neighbour you've never spoken to. Take a cake in for everyone at the office tomorrow. Go down to a bar alone and speak to someone. Don't be lonely for the next few days - all these people are expecting you. Oh, and be welcoming to those who approach you!

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Re: You've Got 30 Seconds...

Postby Raiku » Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:32 pm UTC

Even better-I found a guy on YouTube who's already thought of this problem-The 30 Second Video

Most of this guys stuff's not that great, but this is quite good.


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