Dear Most Annoying Co-Worker on the Face of the Planet,
Just because you eavesdrop on my personal conversations, no matter how many times I've asked you not to do that, it does not mean you then get to use the information you acquire to follow me around all day trying to get even more details about whatever it is. I understand that you're a gossip hound and you need to be in everyone's business but I didn't discuss it with you in the first place for a reason. I've been spending a year trying to get you to understand that I don't want to discuss my personal life with you, EVER.
Please just leave me alone and let me work in peace. Please be an adult and understand that just because I've become close with other people here, it does not mean that you and I are close friends. Relationships, especially with me, are not automatic. It takes time to build them. It creeps me out when you act like we're BFF and you come up with little pet names for me.
And I wish I could tell this all to your face so that we could actually resolve this problem, but every time I try to gently explain where I'm coming from, you run to our boss and cry about how horribly mean I am. So I'll continue to hold my tongue until I go insane. Yay.