Every time I hear my friend complain about the vulgar language people use around her, I want to go and launch into a tirade of cursing and innuendo. My self-moderation is starting to lose to my anger to her stupid passive-aggressive tactics.
Maybe you could memorize a tirade composed entirely of non-vulgar words that still manages to be incredibly insulting (or just type it on facebook). I used this method to great effect when my prudish aunt claimed that the only people who "resort" to cussing are of low intellect. Something like (just pulling SAT words out of my ass/google):
I consider your puerile aversion to vulgarity prohibitively tiresome. Peradventure you will ultimately surmount your sophomoric ways; meanwhile, might I propound the termination of our heretofore affability? Vulgarity is a commodious method of expression when one finds oneself choleric, peevish, and/or irascible.
I pray this vitriolic acerbity finds you bellicose. May a propitious bludgeon penetrate your posterior.
My mini-rant for the day, I received this gem of a message on OKCupid:
some dude in whom I have absolutely no interest after reading these sentences wrote:I found your profile funny and interesting at the same time. you use words that I had to look up(I hope it does not bother you).
And no, this is not someone for whom English is a second language (that would be understandable). Just another typical product of the American educational system. I had to go and double-check to make sure I wasn't busting out the thesaurus when I wrote that shit. The hardest word posted on my profile page is "proselytizing". Regardless, if a profile you're perusing fluently uses words you don't fucking understand, do you REALLY THINK you will be compatible with her??
Is there a derp face? Can there be a derp face? We should have a derp face.
Never mind, I've done one better:
Make that two better: