*the first song
-- aka what will probably be the best song of the musical, sadly
Oh my goodness, I hate stories that treat adolescence as the pinnacle of human existence. Could this protagonist whine any more? Yeah, your parents divorcing really sucks and so does relocating from your home but it's not the end of the world! Shut up!
And really, you're only turning 13. 13 isn't that big of a milestone. There is no magical fairy that comes and tells you how to be
a disrespectful, rebellious git that can charm everyone and give off the illusion of cool
a teenager, just like there's no magical fairy that comes at 18 to give you competence and the ability to handle R-rated movies and sex.
*the second song
-- aka where we get introduced to the whiny love interest
Oh, great. The main character's instantly loved by the quirky yet charming girl with a new take on an old name who's clamoring for a higher plane of existence. That's not lazy story writing at all, is it? I wager five bucks that Patrice becomes the protagonist's girlfriend at the end. No matter how he goes and messes things up for himself and others, his wonderful protagonist charm will manage to save the day. Does anyone want to take me up on that offer?
*the third song
-- aka where a good beat and decent support by the henchmen could have saved a mediocre song
Could this get any more obnoxious!? Not every preteen boy is obsessed with "The Tongue" and "what follows after", you know. I understand that they're 13 years old and puberty's probably just starting for them. However, it's not that big a deal!
The monkey sidekicks are really pissing me off. I think that it's the vapidness of their parts combined with how the individual actors are playing them. To be honest, I could forgive everything if the music were just a bit better. It's what I did for The Wedding Singer
. Still... it could be worse.
*the fourth song
-- aka where we get mentions of a school that could only really exist in a universe where Hitler won the war
...Yeah, every school is broken up into the rigid social groups that we invented decades ago. I don't know about you but the geeks, jocks, preps, and goths are segregated wonderfully at my school. In fact, trying to intermingle will usually get you drawn and quartered. Rectally. Also, every nerd/geek/outcast is obviously socially deficient, falls under the umbrella of the Nice Guy, and is a scheming, lying little prick inside. (Maybe I'm just taking this too personally since this is the "social group" I identify with most)
* the fifth song
-- aka oh, love interest, it's okay. You'll get a decent song one day
Standard song about friendship and betrayal, blah blah blah. "Look at all this stuff I did! Look at how he's repaid me! I deserve better! That prick should die a horrible, painful, fiery death!" I've heard it tons of times before. Next!
*keeps going through the songs
Song Six -- aka guess how offensive we can get, people! already, we've passed racist transformer level!
: Ha ha, yeah! Terminal illnesses and disabilities are so obviously
things to exploit in order to get things you don't deserve! I mean, it's not as if anyone could find that callousness offensive! The protagonist even said that he's not making fun of the fact that Nice Guy is suffering from a horrible illness and so it must be okay, right!? And those cunning references to his Jewishness are perfect. They serve to highlight just how alien other religions are to our Christian-saturated society and they do so in a way that form a biting social commentary of contemporary culture. ...Right? That is the effect you were going for, right?
Song Seven -- aka because overconfidence and cockiness can make up for complete lack of talent, right!?
: And... Sex God. Wonderful. It seems as if every single boy in this school is unbelievably horny and perverted all of the time. I imagine that the school has to provide tissues and magazines in the boys bathroom for them. Then... "Free from the public's prying eyes/There with my girl in the chair beside me/I can reveal my big surprise"
Look, man, I'm all in favor for public nudity at the right times but at a movie theater is not-- Oh, you meant the kissing thing. Quite sorry.
Song Eight -- aka the scandalous homosexual experience!
: Hey! Penis! That hallmark of comedy that's only saved for the best times. Yeah, I definitely feel as if they brought it out at precisely the right time. Man, that writer was spot on. And that kiss! What a shock! What a delightful surprise!