Growing a beard . . .

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Gatesunder
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Growing a beard . . .

Postby Gatesunder » Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:11 am UTC

Is there some way to do this that I don't know about? So I have to shave more with a razor or something? I'm 22 already and the only thing I can grow aside from pubic and underarm hair is a mustache and goatee. I have heard that shaving actually leads to facial hair growth. Is this true?
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby JayDee » Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:13 am UTC

Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about?
Yes, yes there is. But if you think we will give away the secrets when you simply ask, you are mistaken.

EDIT: Sarcasm aside, I just found The Beard Community!
EDIT2: Which has a (broken) link to The Handlebar Club!
Last edited by JayDee on Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:21 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Solt
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Solt » Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:17 am UTC

JayDee wrote:
Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about?
Yes, yes there is. But if you think we will give away the secrets when you simply ask, you are mistaken.


Basically you need to increase your manliness rating. First, you must read every page of the man thread in one sitting. With no pants on. Then you must consume copious quantities of bacon. You may wash said bacon down with healthy sips of bacon grease and bourbon.
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koneko
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby koneko » Tue Mar 11, 2008 10:02 am UTC

I think it has something to do with snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails... but what would I know?
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby pollywog » Tue Mar 11, 2008 10:06 am UTC

Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about? So I have to shave more with a razor or something? I'm 22 already and the only thing I can grow aside from pubic and underarm hair is a mustache and goatee. I have heard that shaving actually leads to facial hair growth. Is this true?


No, it's not. Shaving will just make all of your hairs new. It will look thicker for a while, but it will not get more thick/manly/luxuriant/hirsute if you shave a lot. You will most likely just get some skin problems related to shaving twice a day. (There is a longer explanation as to why shaving does not encourage hair growth, but it's late and I'm sick and chances are someone else can say it better)

I would wait and see what happens. Keep shaving, because small, wispy goatees and bromos just look stupid.

Or think about sex more. Increased levels of testosterone may lead to more facial hair.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:43 am UTC

If you want to grow a beard, just stop shaving. Simple as that. And yes, I have done this.

However, I have since gone back to being clean-shaven. It got itchy :?
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby tylerwylie » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:53 am UTC

Study manly things, pretty much the best way to do it.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Toeofdoom » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:55 am UTC

Someone claimed in the man thread that eating wheat germ helps.

Personally I can grow a beard perfectly fine anyway, cause I'm obviously so manly, or something.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby |Erasmus| » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:05 pm UTC

SlyReaper wrote:If you want to grow a beard, just stop shaving. Simple as that. And yes, I have done this.


Quoted for samery. In truth I just can't be bothered shaving, so I now have something resembling the start of a beard. go me.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby SecondTalon » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:07 pm UTC

Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about?


If the way you know about is "not shave" then, no.. there's not. Not everyone can grow a beard. It happens.

On the plus side, you can grow a goatee and mustache. I know of men who cannot grow even that much.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Hica » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:30 pm UTC

I tried growing a beer this past month, but the stubborn thing just wouldn't fill in. It's a shame too, because you could tell my faux beard was dripping with potential. I'll have to stick with the goatee for now I suppose.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby The Spherical Cow » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:43 pm UTC

Hica wrote:I tried growing a beer this past month

This would be awesome.

As for the original question, some people just can't grow proper beards. You say you're 22, and that's not that old at all. I believe my dad couldn't grow a moustache or a goatee at that age, and was closer to 30 before he did.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Nexus_1101 » Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:47 pm UTC

i have found lazyness to be a good option.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Lycur » Tue Mar 11, 2008 4:35 pm UTC

I feel your pain. My advice is to simply embrace the goatee, there are alot of advantages to having one of these things. For instance, when mine was still a true goatee total strangers would infrequently come up to me on the street and tell me that I looked very wise. Also, if you ever do something really malevolent you can shave the goatee off and claim that it was your evil twin that did it.

edit: spelling, coherence remains a lost cause
Last edited by Lycur on Tue Mar 11, 2008 4:48 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby TheAmazingRando » Tue Mar 11, 2008 4:40 pm UTC

I can't grow anything beyond a mustache and a very little goatee, the rest of my hair just grows in too uneven and spotty to look anything other than ridiculous.

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Gatesunder
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Gatesunder » Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:01 pm UTC

Lycur wrote:Also, if you ever do something really malevolent you can shave the goatee off and claim that it was your evil twin that did it.


Haha, I never thought of it that way . . . that is pure awesomeness . . .

On a side note I found it funny that the wikipedia entry for Beard has a picture of Richard Stallman and there is also a Wikipedia entry for something called the "Beard Liberation Front", which fights against discrimination against those with beards. They even have a beard of the year award . . .
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby pollywog » Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:10 pm UTC

TheAmazingRando wrote:I can't grow anything beyond a mustache and a very little goatee, the rest of my hair just grows in too uneven and spotty to look anything other than ridiculous.


All of my face except my forehead and nose rapidly becomes covered in hair if I don't shave. And I can't grow a beard because of work. So you could borrow mine while I'm not using it.
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Hica
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Hica » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:10 am UTC

The Spherical Cow wrote:
Hica wrote:I tried growing a beer this past month

This would be awesome.

As for the original question, some people just can't grow proper beards. You say you're 22, and that's not that old at all. I believe my dad couldn't grow a moustache or a goatee at that age, and was closer to 30 before he did.


haha crap. I guess it's easy to tell what I had on my mind at the time...

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby MikeBabaguh » Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:37 am UTC

Beard growth is related to genetics and testosterone levels. Beard thickness increases with age.

My Dad is 56 and still really can't grow a beard worth a damn. I'm 28 and am capable of growing a very thick one. My beard's thickness has increased steadily since I first became able to grow a "full" one around the age of 17. Before that, it was patchy and thin (and nonexistent prior to adolescence, of course).

There aren't any methods to increasing beard growth or thickness.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby aleflamedyud » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:19 am UTC

Solt wrote:
JayDee wrote:
Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about?
Yes, yes there is. But if you think we will give away the secrets when you simply ask, you are mistaken.


Basically you need to increase your manliness rating. First, you must read every page of the man thread in one sitting. With no pants on. Then you must consume copious quantities of bacon. You may wash said bacon down with healthy sips of bacon grease and bourbon.

How about beef jerky and scotch?

Edit: Is there any way to make intermediate growth look good while not shaving to make a beard grow? Whenever I stop shaving I just get perpetual 5-o-clock shadow, it seems. I'm about 19. Feh. I want a beard.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby EpeeGnome » Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:51 am UTC

They say that anything which increases testosterone levels will increase beard growth slightly. This includes thinking sexy thoughts, exercising, eating right, getting enough sleep, and anything else that tells your body, "now would be opportune for reproduction." Other than that, just get older. I myself am 23, and have been growing goatee and sideburns for a few years now. I can't grow anything else (at least not anything decent looking).

And no, shaving will not make it grow better; the "thicker" hair from shaving is just an illusion because you cut off the wispy ends of the hairs. However, those hairs can never reach full length (you cut them off remember) and when new hairs that can get that long start, then you're just back where you started. In keeping with the scientific spirit, I have actually experimentally verified this on my pubes (that sounds really weird to say, but as I'm not a nudest and not really sexually active, so no one would notice anyway), and there is now absolutely no noticeable difference between the patch I once kept shaved, and the rest.

Hope this helps.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby koneko » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:13 am UTC

@aleflamedyud: is your sig a hadag nachash reference?
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby tylerwylie » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:35 am UTC

aleflamedyud wrote:
Solt wrote:
JayDee wrote:
Gatesunder wrote:Is there some way to do this that I don't know about?
Yes, yes there is. But if you think we will give away the secrets when you simply ask, you are mistaken.


Basically you need to increase your manliness rating. First, you must read every page of the man thread in one sitting. With no pants on. Then you must consume copious quantities of bacon. You may wash said bacon down with healthy sips of bacon grease and bourbon.

How about beef jerky and scotch?

Edit: Is there any way to make intermediate growth look good while not shaving to make a beard grow? Whenever I stop shaving I just get perpetual 5-o-clock shadow, it seems. I'm about 19. Feh. I want a beard.

I'm 21 and it's still not coming in fully in the upper cheeks. It just takes some time.
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All the proud men turned to dust.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Kabann » Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:15 am UTC

If thinking sexy thoughts helped make beards, I'd be a yeti.

I am, stupefyingly sexy thoughts aside, almost certainly not a yeti.
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby Memo » Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:12 am UTC

I can grow a full beard but I tend to dislike it. However, I have a slight problem. I can't grow a circle beard (goatee + connected mustache). It fails to connect in my right side. Left side? No problem, maybe somewhat slower than the rest of my face, but it grows. Right side? Nothing at all besides some crazy hairs that make it even more obvious.

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby cypherspace » Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:09 pm UTC

Gatesunder wrote:They even have a beard of the year award . . .

You haven't seen the World Beard And Moustache Championships?
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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby EpeeGnome » Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:14 pm UTC

Kabann wrote:If thinking sexy thoughts helped make beards, I'd be a yeti.

I am, stupefyingly sexy thoughts aside, almost certainly not a yeti.


It's a slight difference at best, but there is some experimental grounding to that statement (at least if the story I've heard is true). There was a fellow doing research out in some jungle somewhere far from home who went for the very short stubble look while doing his research. Being of scientific mindset, he measured all of his beard clippings on a high precision scale in the lab every day and recorded the numbers. Every time, in the week before he would return home to spend some quality time with his girlfriend, he noted a slight increase in beard mass. The only change in his living that he could account for causing it was thinking about his girlfriend (a likely causal link with testosterone levels). The difference is slight, and probably subject to some pretty heavily diminishing returns, but it's there. I would guess that lim sexythoughts -> inf = Yeti

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Re: Growing a beard . . .

Postby nsmjohn » Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:25 pm UTC

At 17 I had a goatee. At 19 I had chops. I am 22 now and I still have the goatee but my mustache never really came in until this past year. It takes me about a week to get a beard. Think of it this way though, a lot of hair growth isn't exactly a good thing. If I want to stay clean shaven I need to shave every 12-24 hours, and the gap between the edge of my beard and the edge of my chest hair is about an inch.
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