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Postby ner » Fri Apr 19, 2019 2:07 pm UTC

Tell me how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness. I have been living for a long time myself and have forgotten how to communicate with girls. I need your advice on how I should be.

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Re: Loneliness

Postby ucim » Tue Apr 23, 2019 2:54 am UTC

I don't know where you are in this, but one approach would be:

First step is go to out and do stuff. Preferably stuff that involves other people. Examples include folkdancing, singing in choir, doing theater (requires no talent whatsoever - they need people to build sets as well as people to act on stage), nature hikes, bicycle clubs, pottery groups, writing groups, and lots of other things depending on your specific interests.

Second step is to talk to people, i.e. while doing those things. Not just girls. Everyone. And to do so with no stakes involved. That is, don't try to get a date, don't try to show your strengths, don't try to make a contact, don't try to anything. Just talk to people for the purpose of enjoying the conversation that is happening right there in the moment.

Loneliness is not about not having a date (though it can be a contributing factor); it's about not feeling like (any) other people are interested in who you are and what you are doing and such.

Having gotten that far, organize and invite people to join in on some group activity that they (and you) might be interested in, such as you organizing a hike up the local mountain/hillside/lake/ whatever. If one activity or group has no takers, try again with a different activity. Since you are not inviting anybody "to be with you" but rather, "to do this thing". So, don't take rejection personally. You don't have a personal stake in it. People might not be interested/available in that particular activity - if so, try something else.

By this time, you're communicating with girls already (as well with guys and everyone in between).

The key things above are: 1: just do it, and 2: don't put too much stock in rejection. It happens, for lots of reasons. It's ok.

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