Corrupt-a-wish

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reishka
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby reishka » Sat Sep 29, 2007 3:08 am UTC

Granted, but your computer dies because your heatsink fan got too much cat hair in it.

I wish I had more time to read.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Dreadnaught » Sat Sep 29, 2007 3:34 am UTC

Granted, but the only "literature" you have to read are poorly written Dragon Ball Z fanfictions where the author puts himself in the story

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Number3Pencils » Sat Sep 29, 2007 3:39 am UTC

Granted; however, you are now also Leo Sayer. ("Long Tall Glasses", anyone? Anyone?)

Well, anyways, I wish I had opposable toes. And that I'm still a human.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby reishka » Sat Sep 29, 2007 3:46 am UTC

Granted. But now you no longer have opposable thumbs.

I want more people to send snail-mail to.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Matthias » Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:12 am UTC

Granted, but they just see the sticky envelopes and decide not to open them; you sicko, you.

I wish I could make fedoras by snapping my fingers.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby zomgmouse » Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:47 am UTC

Granted - oh damn, you didn't mean snapping your fingers off, did you. Have fun with eight fedoras.

I wish fingers regrew straight away when you snapped them off.
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Sat Sep 29, 2007 7:05 am UTC

Granted. But like lizards' tails, they don't have bones in them so they're freaky and soft.

Edit: I wish lab-grown cloned meat was freely available for vegetarians to eat and cost a reasonable price (without harming current animal populations).
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Matthias » Sat Sep 29, 2007 12:10 pm UTC

Granted. Your immortal soul is a reasonable price, right?

I wish XKCD would stop updating the comic and just run a video blog about the finer points of basket weaving instead.
Love may be blind, but lust has x-ray vision.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:55 pm UTC

Granted.

I wish I could change the surface tension of liquids at will.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ansain » Sat Sep 29, 2007 10:43 pm UTC

granted, the surface tension of almost any liquid will change when you add your blood to it. now that huge gash in your right side might be slightly useful.

I wish I had a job, that payed me a salary that I could comfortably live on, in which all I did was sit around and test video games and watch movies.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby patrace » Sat Sep 29, 2007 10:58 pm UTC

Granted, Your first assignment is to test one thousand hours of gameplay for "Barbie Horse Adventures." No drinking on the job.

I wish for more time.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby frostbytten » Sun Sep 30, 2007 7:49 am UTC

Granted. Instead of your death being quick, it'll be long and slow, so you can have more time to do whatever.

I wish I could live how I live now, but without having to pay bills.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby zomgmouse » Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:27 am UTC

Granted. Instead of bills being sent, big men in black suits with machine guns are sent to collect money. Cash.

I wish farts didn't smell (Stephen Fry on QI says that Benjamin Franklin proposed this to be what would make life better).
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:38 am UTC

Granted. What are you doing right now? You're stuck with it until you die. Since you appear to be offline at the time of posting, I'm guessing you don't have any more access to the internet.

I wish I could take off my head and carry it around like people from the moon.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby free-zombie » Sun Sep 30, 2007 11:47 am UTC

Granted, but you have to live on that moon (whichever it is). Oh, and you're banned from the tubes for life ;-)

I wish I had an idea for an uncorruptable wish right now.
Just remember: If the world didn't suck, we'd fall off

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby __Kit » Sun Sep 30, 2007 12:26 pm UTC

You do. But the paradox of that makes your head explode.

I wish for... Jimi Hendrix to still be alive. (I doubt anyone will want to corrupt this)
=]

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby frostbytten » Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:02 pm UTC

Granted. But he's a zombie. (which is still pretty cool!)

I wish for breakfast.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:11 pm UTC

granted. but it's an English breakfast... I hope you like beans. :)

I wish for my own 737 airplane.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby rxninja » Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:30 pm UTC

Granted, but enjoy the price of insurance, flight school or the price of hiring a pilot, maintenance costs, fuel expenses, and everything else you have to pay for.

I wish I had a delicious, neverending (ie: self-refilling) milkshake that wouldn't ever go bad or get warm.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:53 pm UTC

Granted. However, because it never becomes warm, it must heat the environment around it to dispose of the heat. So while the milkshake is a nice cool temperature, it's boiling hot around it.

I wish teachers were more respected in today's society.
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SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Number3Pencils » Sun Sep 30, 2007 11:20 pm UTC

Granted, but it's because they've all suddenly become very fashion-conscious and airheaded. Hollywood hasn't changed, but it's less popular now compared to those with teacher chic.

I wish I owned a pristine lake.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ICDB » Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:24 am UTC

Granted. It's a nice, pure lake of ... lava!

I wish for a stash of Gatorade mix, the red punch flavor.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ansain » Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:28 am UTC

granted, but the stash is 1ounce of the mix, in a small zip lock bag. which you bought at an extremely high price from a shady character who told you it was cocaine.

I wish for 1 million hamsters on little wheels to power my evil moon based death ray.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean.Roach » Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:49 am UTC

Granted.
Hamsters are rodents. They give you the plague and you die.

I wish for a ST:TNG type replicator...with suitable power supply and matter supply.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby madjo » Mon Oct 01, 2007 8:52 am UTC

granted, but after years of serving Capt. J-L Picard, all it can produce is Tea... Earl grey... Hot...

I wish for a site-to-site transporter-device
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby keozen » Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:28 am UTC

Ok granted, but the two sites are locked. It only transports between a space 5 feet above the east river in nyc and a spot 50ft above the middle of the grand canyon.

I wish people would do what they're told
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Dreadnaught » Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:49 am UTC

Granted, but people can no longer speak with the exception of one silly man who can control the world by commanding the heeding, unspeaking masses to do his stupid and eventually destructive biddings

I wish that I could find enjoyment in all things
We see the souls of the slain of God's elect. The Earth and heavens are shaken.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cabhan » Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:37 pm UTC

Granted! Unfortunately, you find so much enjoyment in reading this response that you forget to eat, and promptly die. You do rather enjoy it, though!

I wish I had a cool accent.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Mon Oct 01, 2007 6:52 pm UTC

Granted. You have an Arab accent. Have fun at the airport.

I wish I could see what the world will be like in 1000 years (or earlier, if humanity doesn't survive).
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
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Not how I say my name

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ansain » Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:40 pm UTC

granted an all powerful dictator from another planet has taken over earth by that time. when you show up you are promptly arrested and sold into slavery. on the plus side, advances in medicine have allowed people to live indefinitely and be brought back from a seemingly dead state. however the life of a slave is a rather painful one full of suffering, with no possible end to your misery.

I wish I had the technology to make people live indefinitely and bring them back from death.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:29 pm UTC

Granted. Enjoy eternal torment from your in-laws.

I wish I had a cone of silence.
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SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ICDB » Tue Oct 02, 2007 12:00 am UTC

Granted. It is the size of a bugle.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean.Roach » Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:50 am UTC

Granted. It's now four days a week...fifty two weeks a year.

I wish I had an indestructible super gaming computer the size, and weight, of a modern laptop. That would constantly "evolve" to be the equivalent to a six thousand dollar desktop in capabilities...that ran on zero point energy.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Number3Pencils » Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:41 am UTC

Granted. Gaming takes over your life. You become overweight, then obese, then positively immobile; meanwhile, your relations with family and friends wither. You die prematurely of a fat attack, attempting all throughout it to level up in CON.

I wish I had a loyal and intelligent attack raptor.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean.Roach » Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:55 am UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, he's not loyal to you, and sees you as food...just as soon as you open the door so he can escape after devouring you.

I wish I had a pocket sized, and lightweight device that could pause time for everyone but me and those who I selected to join me. While time is paused, fluids must adapt in their viscosity when we interact with them, as if time was running normally, and all matter must adapt in its inertia when we interact with it, as if time were running normally...oh, the watch has to pause the aging processes too.

Darn...I didn't catch the couch potato angle...(I was figuring you'd set the thing to a 6k computer...from 1980...with no possibility of upgrade.)

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby clockworkmonk » Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:01 am UTC

Granted. Though you never mentioned anything about un-pausing time...
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sean.Roach » Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:12 am UTC

Granted...
It's pork, undercooked, and you find you're harboring roundworms inside of a year.

I wish I had a fleet of solar powered fixed-wing VTOL ultralight/drone hybrids. Such that any one can fly in formation, on autopilot, with any number of others, fly to and from a location on command, be operable remotely, (with encrypted, packet-switched communications,) and still take directions from the pilot, (being able to operate from any level from newbie, (just go where the yoke says, but the computer does the actual piloting,) to ace, (all controls unlocked, and you can loop-the loop, Immelmann, etc, including stall out and crash,) according to user direction, (and owner lockout)).
It also needs to have at least an eight hour loiter time during extreme overcast conditions, and constant telemetry to the internet.

unpausing time...whoops.

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Ansain
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ansain » Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:41 am UTC

granted, but when you attempt to use this attack formation, your enemies block out the sun and you mentioned no alternative to the solar powering.

I wish that monkey could fly
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

ICDB
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ICDB » Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:51 am UTC

Granted. The Wicked Witch instantly 100-ples the size of her evil army and kills Dorothy.

I wish my teeth were perfect.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby keozen » Tue Oct 02, 2007 10:22 am UTC

Yup, those false teeth you carry around in a jar, they're perfect in every way.

I wish there was a way to destroy work
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