Corrupt-a-wish

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ICDB
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Postby ICDB » Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:25 pm UTC

Granted. It is that hot in the winter. Summers are long days of clouds and 40 degrees Fahrenheit. It sucks.

I wish I had some cool insoles for my running shoes.
Edit: New page ... up until this moment, I never understood why anyone made a big deal of it. It's awesome! :)

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Sarcio
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Postby Sarcio » Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:26 pm UTC

granted. But they're made out of iron filings and rusty staples.

I wish this wish wasn't so retarded.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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foster
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Postby foster » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:14 pm UTC

Granted. It is just retarded enough.

I wish I had 15/20 vision

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chaosspawn
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Postby chaosspawn » Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:44 pm UTC

Granted. Here's some glasses.

I wish I had a potato cannon
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Forthur
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Postby Forthur » Tue Sep 25, 2007 8:17 pm UTC

foster wrote:Granted. That's it. No corruption because I can actually do that kinda. (I can voluntarily block my nasal passages and it blocks all smells and tastes, kinda like turning on and off a bad sinus cold w/o the bad effects...can anyone else do that?)
I can close (slits) and open (jey intakes) my nostrils without touching them, but not close them completely (which sucks, I hate getting water up my nose). You can do that? Wow. Tell me how!

foster wrote:I wish I had a speech-to-text program installed.
Don't take the MS solution...

chaospawn wrote:I wish I had a potato cannon

Granted. The first potato hits a neighbour's window. The second one fails to launch as your neighbour drove over your cannon with his pickup truck.

I wish I had a pickup truck.
Life's biggest adventures are the dreams you try to make real.

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rxninja
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Postby rxninja » Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:19 am UTC

Granted, but it turns out to be a Decepticon that doesn't like you.

I wish I could manipulate time.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I miss a lot of people, too. Fortunately, ammo is cheap.

sophyturtle wrote:I think nudity is the solution for everything...

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traltixx
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Postby traltixx » Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:34 am UTC

Granted. But you cant control your bladder....or small intestines

I wish I had 2 more wishes

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rxninja
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Postby rxninja » Wed Sep 26, 2007 2:55 am UTC

Not granted. Greedy bastard.

I wish I had Thor's Hammer, only it believes that I'm Thor.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I miss a lot of people, too. Fortunately, ammo is cheap.

sophyturtle wrote:I think nudity is the solution for everything...

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DrStalker
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Postby DrStalker » Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:26 am UTC

Granted, but without Thor's magic belt and magic gloves you can't lift it.


I wish I was better at playing poker.
There are two types of people in the world: 1) those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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Ansain
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Postby Ansain » Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:22 am UTC

granted, time fast forwards for a while, while you get better at poker through the only good method of doing so, actual experience. Your a much better poke player now, but you have gambled away everything you owned getting there.

I wish I could make people see illusions rather than reality.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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Number3Pencils
The Torment of Existence Weighed against the Horror of Nonbeing
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Postby Number3Pencils » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:09 am UTC

Granted. Now, everyone you choose to afflict sees grotesque, distorted versions of reality that they know can't be right. They report the effects to their respective doctors. The doctors, with no other explanation, classify the ailment as an incurable new disease. Unaware of this, you continue to project your versions of reality onto more and more people: those who cut you off in traffic, those who take too long in the grocery line, those who make noise across the street. The government hears of the spreading disease. Alarmed, they send the National Guard to quarantine your city. However, the cditizens, affronted and imprisoned, riot against this injustice. The government eventually has no choice but to bomb the entire town. You and all your neighbors and fellow townspeople are killed, and the evidence is quietly swept under the rug.

Or, a simpler version:
Granted. You are sentenced to ten years in prison for trafficking LSD.

I wish my sleep schedule were just as normal as it has always been, except that I could wake up at any precise time I wanted to without the aid of an alarm or any other device.

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Cabhan
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Postby Cabhan » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:32 am UTC

Granted! Unfortunately, because you're asleep, you can't control your thoughts, and keep waking up every 5 minutes. You quickly lose from lack of sleep.

I wish that I was befriended by the squirrels.

ICDB
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Postby ICDB » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:45 am UTC

Granted. They steal your nuts and hide them for the winter.

I wish for a week of vacation.

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Sarcio
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Postby Sarcio » Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:13 am UTC

Granted. last week was vacation. it's not my fault you didn't get the memo, buddy.

I wish i didn't have to wish for a wish that wasn't so wishy. wish wish wish.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

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DrStalker
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Postby DrStalker » Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:45 am UTC

Granted. You may now make a non-wishy wish, devoid of all the wish-like traits of regular wishes. It won't do anything, but has half the calories of regular full-strength wishes.


I wish that the next person to post either denies this wish or corrupts it in some way.
There are two types of people in the world: 1) those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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madjo
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Postby madjo » Wed Sep 26, 2007 11:45 am UTC

granted, I will not grant that wish...


d'oh!


I wish for complete darkness without grues...
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Cabhan
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Postby Cabhan » Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:38 pm UTC

Granted! The grues now inhabit the light. Nice going.

I wish it wasn't so hot in Boston right now. But not super cold. More like a pleasant, cool temperature.

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Princess_Shauna
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Postby Princess_Shauna » Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:11 pm UTC

Granted, its now. apparently since my last wish, lukewarm..... bummer...

I wish I had some skittles

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rxninja
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Postby rxninja » Wed Sep 26, 2007 5:29 pm UTC

Granted, but you now see the world in a shade of the last skittle you've eaten. Permanently.

I wish there were no exams in college.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I miss a lot of people, too. Fortunately, ammo is cheap.

sophyturtle wrote:I think nudity is the solution for everything...

Eleven
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Postby Eleven » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:01 pm UTC

Granted. Because there are no exams, the college board decides that graduation will be determined by raptor survivability. Good luck.

I wish popcorn didn't leave sticky on my hand so I could eat and type at the same time (with both hands).

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Ansain
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Postby Ansain » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:11 pm UTC

granted, but with the sticky goes the flavor.

I wish that the lab I am about to go to doesn't suck today.
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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madjo
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Postby madjo » Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:45 pm UTC

granted, and it doesn't blow either. In fact it doesn't do anything, you just went to that lab for nothing...

I wish I could go on holiday right now.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

ICDB
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Postby ICDB » Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:27 pm UTC

Granted. You realize that you already technically *could* go on holiday if you really wanted, and feel even more weighed down by your obligations.

I wish the guy who plays Kramer hadn't messed up at that comedy club (and that he had still acted (as well) in Seinfeld).

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Zohar
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Postby Zohar » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:51 am UTC

Granted. But then you're so much more horrified after he attended that lynching. (yeah, I was sad too. It's strange I can appreciate his comic genius in Seinfeld and ignore his perhaps bigotry)

I wish my chair was a bit higher, my arms aren't at a comfortable position.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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madjo
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Postby madjo » Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:01 am UTC

granted, your chair is now a bit higher, and your arms are lying comfortably on the floor... Quickly get to a hospital and get those arms re-attached!

I wish I had my camera with me...
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Zohar
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Postby Zohar » Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:16 am UTC

Granted. But now the ghosts are after you! /Fatal Frame reference.

I wish I could detach my body parts and let them move around while still functioning properly. That would be cool.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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Forthur
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Postby Forthur » Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:54 am UTC

Granted, but as your eyes can't be everywhere at once, your foot gets run over by a truck, your left hand is caught between a door, your right hand is trampled to mush by a group of scared but not so defenseless women, and you didn't even see who kicked you in the unmentionables.

I wish I could safely migrate to New-Zealand and find a nice job and home there.
Life's biggest adventures are the dreams you try to make real.

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rxninja
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Postby rxninja » Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:23 am UTC

Granted, but shortly after your arrival New Zealand becomes a militant communist state.

I wish I didn't have to drive so far to work.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I miss a lot of people, too. Fortunately, ammo is cheap.

sophyturtle wrote:I think nudity is the solution for everything...

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reishka
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Postby reishka » Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:42 pm UTC

Granted, but now you have to take public transportation where there's a smelly bum that sits next to you every day and the person behind you plays their music so loud almost everyone can hear it.

I wish I had a constant sleep schedule.

NinjaArcana
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby NinjaArcana » Thu Sep 27, 2007 2:17 pm UTC

Wish granted, you're constantly asleep. Which is your constant schedule.


I wish it would just keep raining and stop doing stupid off-and-on showers.

MythGuyDK
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby MythGuyDK » Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:55 pm UTC

Granted. It rains forevermore.

I wish I was an entity that lived on the internet and could run programs. That'd be so awesome.
Exactly!

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Cabhan
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cabhan » Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:07 pm UTC

Granted! But spending all of your hours servicing 4chan has obliterated your mind.

I wish there were more yodel-rock songs out there.

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Cheese
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Cheese » Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:32 pm UTC

Granted. You get to hear all of them.

To clarify: Yodel-Rock is the style of song sung by yodellers (it's yodelled) when they're about to throw heavy rocks at you. You die, squishily.

I wish for something green and orange and red and octarine and a fish.
hermaj wrote:No-one. Will. Be. Taking. Cheese's. Spot.
Spoiler:
LE4dGOLEM wrote:Cheese is utterly correct on all fronts.
SecondTalon wrote:That thing that Cheese just said. Do that.
Meaux_Pas wrote:I hereby disagree and declare Cheese to be brilliant.
Image

ZephyrGreene
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ZephyrGreene » Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:12 pm UTC

Granted. But since the colours cancel out and you're not a wizard, all you see is a greyish fish. Not recognisihg the fulfillment of your wish, you flush him down the toilet where he becomes a vengeful king of all sewer life.

I wish your mom wasn't so frickin' hot.

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Zohar
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Zohar » Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:28 pm UTC

Granted. But your mom is.

I wish it rained all night long, tonight, here, at a normal rate (i.e. not flooding the area in the morning).
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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sillybear25
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby sillybear25 » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:08 pm UTC

Granted, but the rain never reaches the ground before freezing and turning to sleet.

I wish sleet wasn't so... um... sleety. You know, all cold and semi-liquidy.
This space intentionally left blank.

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Ansain
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ansain » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:11 pm UTC

Granted, but its acid rain.

I wish coconuts could migrate
Why put off till today what you could just as easily get done tomorrow?

I can mathematically prove that 1 equals 0!.

Parts a-x in my plan weren't that important anyways.

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zomgmouse
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby zomgmouse » Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:15 am UTC

Granted, they migrate all on top of your face.

I wish for something.
"Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle." P.G. Wodehouse

ICDB
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ICDB » Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:03 am UTC

Granted. That something is syphilis.

I wish I had tickets to Wicked this weekend.

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rxninja
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby rxninja » Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:17 am UTC

Granted. You had them until they were stolen by a violent, drunken hobo. He took your little dog, too.

I wish my messages could be longer than 60,000 characters.
Mighty Jalapeno wrote:I miss a lot of people, too. Fortunately, ammo is cheap.

sophyturtle wrote:I think nudity is the solution for everything...


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